Rehearsal dinner drama

On the East Coast it is standard to invite out of town guests. The thought behind it is they are traveling a great distance and would not know where to go, etc. It is done as a nice gesture to say thank you for putting in the extra effort for coming. For example we are all going out for dinner the night before the wedding for sushi with everyone.

If that is not what is done in your region than tell Mom no way.

Teresa, I totally agree. You are absolutely right about the supporting!

Thank you for the advice, it is so so helpful! I plan on having a brunch with everyone, but it is really hard because most of the OOTs are only staying for 1 1/2 days! So they are coming in either the night before or the morning of and leaving the next morning. I took some of your advice and tried to call my mom about paying for the extra people. I left a voice mail and a text last night and she still has not responded. I guess if she wants to be immature, than it sucks for her team and like Susy said, I'll just see her the day of the wedding.

Although you don't have to invite OOT guests, it's pretty standard to do so, so I can see some people potentially being hurt by this. but if it doesn't fit in the budget, it doesn't fit in the budget and quite frankly, your mother is acting childish.

We didn't invite out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner, and the world kept on spinning. The in-laws wanted something more elegant in a smaller restaurant, so just wedding party, people who had helped with the wedding, and family were invited. We sent around a note suggesting they meet us in the restaurant bar afterwards for drinks. No one complained, and lots joined us for a drink.

As for your mom, wow. I had a few moments in the wedding planning process where I felt pressured to do bigger, better, etc, and I would just give the person a level stare and say, "Please stop spending my money!" It's utterly rude of your mom to badger you into inviting more people without offering to chip in.

Any time a close family member or friend threatens to skip your wedding, it's emotional blackmail. They're holding your wedding hostage to get what they want. It shows poor character. So just revise your expectations of that person downward, and get on with getting married!

Over half of our guest will be from out of town so...yea thats not going to happen. I really dont think its as common as people are saying it is, but maybe its a regional thing? I've been to a lot of out of town weddings and only the people rehersing (and their SO's) were invited to the RD.

If you mom wants to invite all these people she either needs to pay for them or like PP said, tell mom sorry she feels that way but her invite is still open if she changes her mind.

That is a tough one.. we had a ton of out of town guests and did not invite them all, but did include immediate family at the dinner.. then invited all to meet us a piano bar near the hotel afterwards.. it was great.. we all got to visit, everyone bought their own drinks.. if that doens't work.. try a less expensive venue.. we did my brothers at a pizza place.. it was great.. pizza, pasta, beer and salad.. and my parents were able to afford more people.. here's how they did it: http://www.celebrationideasonline.com/Planning-a-wedding.html Mom did the centerpieces herself and used them as the seating chart.. very creative.

Tell your Mom that it is NOT her wedding, and she doesn't get to make that choice.

I like the idea of having drinks that evening, I am totally going to do that. It works out great because some of our groomsmen are actually playing a show at a local bar!

Amy S. - thanks for that site, I will def check it out.

Thanks Ladies!!

By The Way, this is why we moved our rehearsal dinner to 2 nites before the wedding, less people in from out of town, and the nite before the wedding we are having a pool party at the hotel everyone is staying at so we can see everyone from out of town. (There will still be a couple of people from out of town but they won't be invited.)

I get that it's tradition/standard to also invite out of town guests. However, coming from my own experience, I vote you stand up to Mom and let her know that if she's not going to pay for OOT guests, then she needs to get over the fact that they aren't invited.

We had somewhere between 160-180 guests total at our wedding. If all the OOT guests had come to the RD, that would have been over 100 people. So I get where you're coming from.

My FMIL was expecting us to invite all of the out of town family members (not friends traveling juts family) to the rehearsal dinner but I had to put my foot down. We have 8 BM and 8 GM and when you factor in their spouses/dates along with our parents and grandparents you get to almost 50 people at the rehearsal dinner and really that's the only time you get to spend having intimate time with your bridal party in a relaxed setting.