Regarding Bachelorette Parties: can you ask guests to chip in and how do you word the invites

I emailed a comedy place about reservations and this is the other option: $300 for choice of two 375 ml bottle of liquor, bottomless mixers and a champagne toast for your celebration. This price includes the reservation fee, taxes, and gratuities, does not include tickets to the show. So each person would have to chip in 30 per person just for alcohol and also their own food (so that's closer to 60 per person for the guests) and about 200 for the tickets for my mom. Although I'm not big on this idea, because I think it is more expensive, I am worried that just buying 10 tickets and showing up might not work if we can't get a table. What do you all think about the options? How do you think my MOH should word it on an invite?

I dunno,generally paying for own food and drinks is the norm (however putting a minimum on the amount of drinks you spend per person, as a guest I wouldn't like that; also those included if they aren't really into the comedy club scene might not appreciate that either if they have to pay)..but then others may not mind..just sharing personally I'd not be really upset, just slightly annoyed; then again I'm in grad school so the cash flow is a bit limited.

With my girls we just went out dancing and drinking and to dinner, everyone paid for their own and a few bought me drinks throughout the night. At least you aren't doing a weekend getaway or something..if drinks in your area are already expensive, then the 30 dollars for the drinks may not be a big deal, so really more than what is norm the girls would just be paying 20 extra for the comedy ticket; which isn't much, so thats another way to think about it.

Unlike a shower, for me I would expect to pitch in for a bachelorette party. Especially if that party is held outside of a home, such as what you are suggesting here. I don't know how your friends are set financially, but if you were a close friend of mine (close enough to attend a BP), and the evening included a comedy show, dinner, drinks, & tips, I really wouldn't mind chipping in $60. If your friends are a bit strapped for cash, that might make a difference.

So what would be the better deal for the guests? Just letting them pay for their own drinks and dinner so that they judge how much they can afford, or getting the package where everyone pays in 30 and gets unlimited drinks and still having to pay for dinner?

I have VERY strong feelings on this issue....and here's the reasoning:

My brother got married a short time ago, and I was invited to his bride's bachelorette party. I recieved an invitation (that looked more like a menu) outlining the events of the evening. In short it looked like this-

Meet at hotel for snacks --- please bring a dish to pass and a bottle of liquor

hotel will cost $40 per person

Please make and bring a

scrapbook page for the bride

T-shirts are being made --- cost is $15

We'll open gifts and pre-party at the hotel before going bar hopping. Make sure you have enough money for your drinks and some of the bride's; afterall the bride shouldn't pay for her own drinks.

!!!! Here's why I had a problem. No one drove less than 30 miles or this party (most drove around 150). A dish to pass AND a bottle of liqour?...we were going out to bars, too. Scrapbooking isn't cheap, especially if you don't have any supplies..cont.

ANy bachelorette I have attended guests have paid their own way and then chip in towards the cost of covering the bride.

For example one time we did a poll dancing class with dinner afterward. The host told us the cost of the class. We paid her directly if we wanted to participate. For those that didn't want to take the class just joined us at dinner.

For the comedy show why not just buy the tickets in advance. If you mom wants to cover the cost that is very generous. If she doesn't people can pay her back. Outside of the tickets themselves I would let everyone else take care of themselves. That way those on a budget can better control their costs - order cheaper food, drink less etc.

I always thought BPs were chip in affairs as well. I would have your mother ask your bridal party if they are interested in a comedy club and propose the ideas. Let them figure out if it is what they want to do or not.

Cate's girls are taking her to dinner and then hitting the clubs. I will pay for my youngest daughter and me to eat dinner, buy a round of drinks with dinner, and give her bridal party some money towards their night out. I seriously don't want to see my daughter with penis lollipops. There are some things a mother just shouldn't see. : )

T-shirts, drinks all night, and a gift. By the time I totalled this up, the night ended up costing me around $200.

For this reason I INSISTED that my guests pay no more than what it would cost them to drink that night.

After all, we're INVITING them to a party. It seems a bit rude to me to invited someone to a party and say, 'oh, by the way..we're having dinner, drinks, a bus, etc, etc...you'll need to bring $x to pay your way.

Thanks for the advice you all, this is exactly why I'm asking.

Carole M/Carole B, as far as letting my mom get together with the bridal party, that is essentially what happened, I was just included in the discussion (which is why I said mutually). We all brainstormed about what we could and couldn't do and the comedy club was the one idea all 4 of us agreed on. Honestly there isn't much to do here in Houston that would be really fun otherwise and I'm not into bar hopping at all.

I was just worried that we would be asking too much out of guests to have them pay their own way, but I guess it's the norm, so I don't feel so bad.

Future Mrs. X, I get what you are saying, I was interested in the package because I wasn't sure if it would end up being cheaper for them or not. It's basically $30 each for unlimited alcohol package plus guaranteed seating (which is the part I'm most concerened about), or they pay X amount for what they do drink. Since I don't drink, I didn't know what would be the better deal. I would also be utterly embarressed (SP) if we all got there and had to sit at different tables because there wasn't a table big enough.

I have been to quite a few bachelorette parties, and I have always paid my own way (I never thought twice about it - I figured that was the norm). $30/person is not a bad deal at all. They'd probably pay more than that for a regular night out - let alone for a bachelorette party. I wouldn't worry.

I don't think it's a problem to ask the girls to pay or their meal or their drinks. I'm simply telling you about an experience I had that left a really foul taste in my mouth. The party I attended what ridiculously expensive, and expected way too much from guests.

When i went to my friends bach. party about 5 years ago we brought enough money to pay for dinner buy drinks and pay for cabs...the bride didn't pay a dime..the only thing she did was get us 2 rooms at a hotel where her aunt works so we didn't have to pay for that....there were 4 of us and we each paid about $100 when all was said and done...so i think it just depends on the group of girls you invite on how they feel about it

I think $30 per person for all of your drinnks that night is a bargain. Beers run about $6 a bottle here. I can drink a hell of a lot more than $30 worth.

I don't think the BP guests will have an issue with it.

My MOH basically was the go-to person for my bachelorette party. She consulted with me as to the date, what hotel I wanted, what show I wanted (we went to Vegas) and such. She then communicated with the other BM and determined what each had to pitch in (well, she gave a number and made sure it was ok with everyone). They basically paid for my hotel and show ticket, and I paid for the rest of my own stuff.

Whenever I have been a BM, I have always pitched in for my own part and a divided part of the bride's costs so the bride didn't pay a dime. As a MOH myself in the past, I basically told the other BM "this is what we're doing, and this is how much it will cost" only AFTER getting a consensus from the BMs. BUT, I also told them to let me know if they couldn't afford it and we would arrange something (either we change what was going on, or I would pay more out of my own pocket). Basically, you should have your MOH or mom give them the options & let them decide.

The friend who organized my BP asked everyone what they were comfortable spending. I don't know exactly how she worded it, because they organized it without me knowing the details. But rumor is that she sent an email saying something along the lines of:

"I'm organizing the BP, and for me to be able to plan activities for the evening, please let me know how much you're comfortable contributing: $10-40; $150-200, over $1,000,000. That gave her a sense of what to do. Could your mom do something like that?

All that said, $30 plus additional drinks is really not expensive.

I'd except to pay for my stuff at a BP and also chip in for some of the bride's

For my Bach. Party, everyone paid their own way and my MOH paid for me. The invitations she sent out broke the evening down into parts, so people could choose what they would want to attend. Here's what the parts looked like:

-Mary Kay Makeover Party - No cost unless you want to buy something

-Applebee's Appetizers - Bring $5 to chip in for appetizers

-Going Dancing - Bring money to pay for your own drinks.

If I were you, I would just let everyone cover their own dinner & drinks rather than getting the package, so people can just do what they can afford.