Reception self-pay non-traditional

Destination weddings are not an excuse to be rude to your guests. No one cares that it's your second wedding and you're paying for it yourselves.

Ah, yes, we're the ones acting inappropriately, according to the person planning on doing an inappropriate thing under the guise of being "non-traditional." That makes sense.

If the situation was reversed and you, now being the unwitting guest, were told that in addition to travel expenses (from gas money to a plane ticket, it doesn't matter which), hotel accommodations, the gifts, possibly needing baby-sitting arrangements and needed to readjust your work schedule, and whatever other expenses may pop-up, now have to pay for your own dinner--you'd be okay with that?

You'd be okay with the people who said they'd be hosting you, hosting implicating that they're covering the expenses, that they're not covering your bill? That they don't think it's worth it to cover your dinner?

Let me also point out that you're wedding, according to your profile, is the Saturday before Thanksgiving. So, not only are your guests spending their money on your wedding (again, whatever those costs may be), but they're also spending money preparing for the holiday season (purchasing of food, any needed silverware/utensils, and saving for Black Friday shopping as well).

This is so inconsiderate to your guests on so many levels.

But then again, apparently WE'RE the ones in the wrong here.

I didn't read the comments.

OP? Your idea is impossible to communicate in a non-jerky way because it's a shitty, rude idea that should never even have entered your thought universe.

Come to NJ. I'll hire witnesses for you so you don't even have to feed them.

It'll cost, boots on the ground, 210.00.

And it's not jerky.

Call the restaurant they can cut you a deal most of the time. I am having. DW with a dinner to follow. The restaurant is doing a small buffet for us, I think it's 16 dollars a plate which is a great deal seeing it's all seafood

And FSS; 'we're paying for our wedding ourselves" does not exempt you from being a decent host. Most people here are, either wholly or partly.

You're not actually hosting anything so I'm not sure why you're sending out invites. I'm with the, just elope, camp.

I'm having a destination wedding and only gave my guests about 6 months notice. Granted, I wanted a small wedding so it will just be our parents and a few amount of friends (less than 10). I will probably do a buffet style or I have even talked to a few event planners at restaurants and they are helping me do a set menu since there will only be about 10. BUT we are definitely paying for them, traveling is expensive and dinner is the least you can do.

I absolutely agree, that "we're paying for our wedding ourselves" has nothing to do with the issue here. We are paying for our own wedding, it is a 2nd marriage for both of us, and we are doing a DW 4 hours from me, and 3 hours from the majority of people". Most of the people WILL be staying at a hotel, so they need to be fed! We are having a dinner at a nice restaurant, with unlimited alcohol for 4 hours, and hopefully our friends and family will be happy.

There is NO WAY IN HELL, that what you are doing is not rude!!! If you cannot afford to feed them, even if it is only a dinner at a restaurant, then you should NOT invite them.

I would love to hear your reasons for doing so, because I cannot even fathom a world where this would be okay.

Well, not exactly Kate, but you can if you're Quaker.

You still need to feed your guests afterwards.

Do you even like them?

I've been on this forum for about 2 years now and this is by far one of the rudest ideas I've read.

Worst idea ever.

As if 'we're paying for it ourselves' means anything when you're not even paying for the thing that takes up a good half of your budget (your recepetion and guest's meals)

Lol. If you write it on the invite no one would come anyways. Why not just elope and avoid this disaster you are planning?

I wonder if OP is ever going to come back to tell us we're bastards for thinking they should properly host their guests?

You're asking people to travel to your DW and not even treating them to dinner? .... what?!

There are no other factors that would make this acceptable....

Also just want to clarify... you're paying for everything on your own? What is everything if you aren't feeding your guests?

There is no way to communicate it without sounding like a jerk, because if you do this, it will make you a jerk. Automatically. This is rude. There are no circumstances or factors that would make it not rude, especially paying for things yourself. (What would you be paying for anyway? Your own clothes and hotel expenses?). Elope or start saving.

By the way, how were you planning to have this work? "Excuse me, Waiter, can we have this check split 30 ways?"

There is no way to do this without coming off as a jerk. If you invite people to witness your ceremony, you must host a reception. I don't care if they are driving a couple hours or a couple minutes. To not host a 'thank you for coming to our ceremony" reception is incredibly rude.

Nope this is a terrible and rude idea, pay for your guests or do not have any.