Reception self-pay non-traditional

I agree with Goldfisch. Mentioning that you are paying for "everything" on your own seems quite silly since you don't appear to be hosting anything for your guests. What exactly are you paying for other than your own vacation and perhaps a ceremony fee?

OP no one was rude to you. They simply stated the fact that when someone attends a wedding ceremony, if there is a reception of any kind afterward they should not have to pay. Which is completely true. If you cannot afford to host your guests then you should not invite those people to the ceremony.

This is so rude. If you expect people to come watch you get married then you damn well better provide food and alcohol afterwards especially if they are driving hours to get there.

How is this not common sense.

@meghan, you asked a question on a forum that is HUGE on etiquette. You asked how to affectively communicate your plans and we explained there is no effect way to do so. If there is issues, why not just elope? It is only proper to offer your guests and thank you for attending.

I would never drive a few hours just to attend a ceremony. What a waste of time.

Sounds like you should cancel and just have a quick ceremony with those you can afford to pay for.

There is no way around this being rude.

What "other factors" would make this ok?

OP- I think you should honor your guest for making the effort to attend your wedding. Our wedding was only 1:15 from the house, people that drove 2hrs did stay at a hotel- so you should at least block 5 rooms just in case (you wont get charge if they dont use them- check hotel blocks). We paid for our own wedding and we made sure to feed and provide alcohol to our guest. If you don't have the money to do so, at the very least provide some apps and cake, or something along those lines. But don't make your guest pay for your reception.

Ok so what other reasons could there possibly be that you don't want to pay for dinner for people who are driving "a few hours" for your wedding?

If you're inviting people to your ceremony, you have to have a reception for them. Otherwise, they traveled all that distance to watch you get married from the audience and then around and go home. The purpose of the reception is to give them a chance to see you and congratulate you face to face and for you to thank them for coming. Dinner at a restaurant that they can either "join or not join, but they will pay their own way" is not a reception.

If cost is the issue, elope, and then host a small reception for your friends and family when you're back home (one that fits within your budget).

You're not going to get many other answers than that you should pay for their meal. I'd have to agree as well. The fact that you are worried about coming off like a "jerk" should give you an answer.

You're asking people to join you at a destination site for your nuptials, and you want them to go dutch for their meal?? That's an awful thing to do! I'm confused how you and your fiance are "paying for everything" when the bulk part of the wedding - food, alcohol, dj - isn't happening!

Either pay for dinner and be a proper host or elope.

Meghan, you are under no obligation to invite ANY guests if you can't afford to feed them after the ceremony. You two can elope and be just as married at the end of the day. But once you invite other people, it is your responsibility to treat them graciously and that means some form of reception after the ceremony that doesn't require them to pay for themselves. That is simply the reality of hosting an event.

Tacky, rude and cheap.

Nope, we're not rude. If you cannot afford to host all the people you want to invite: 1) elope; 2) cut your guest list.

You cannot have guests and not host them.

You have to have at least a cake and punch reception for your guests if you're inviting people to attend the ceremony. It doesn't have to be fancy or expensive, just a thank you gesture. People will be expecting this at minimum after the ceremony.

There are no outstanding issues that would make this okay.

There is a beautiful young bride on this forum who is battling cancer. One week after her wedding, she is beginning a new round of chemo. Obviously, that stretches her resources quite a bit in every sense of the word.

She's still not expecting her guests to pay for dinner.

Nothing could make your plan okay.

I wouldn't invite them to a dinner after unless you are paying. I understand you are paying for everything yourself but you just can't ask people to pay not only to travel to your wedding but also for their own food

Is this real life?

People with other issues at hand that actually care about their guests would know better and would elope. Then you can save up and have a celebration of marriage at a later date.

You're just looking for validation which no reasonable person on this forum will give you.