Reception self-pay non-traditional

No. If you invite others to a ceremony, you must host a reception. If you can't afford it, elope.

There are no "other issues" that would ever make this not rude.

And here I was trying to decide if I wanted to host a morning-after brunch for my OOT guests on top our open bar dinner reception as an extra thank you for traveling.

Please drive a few hours to see my wedding but you are on your own for dinner! Sorry suckers!

Pretty much what's happening. I promise your guests will mind and will be talking about it behind your back. You need to offer something. Or elope. Period.

Nope. Nope. Nope. Don't make your guests pay.

As a bride that had a destination wedding, that is extremely tacky. People are traveling to your wedding. The least you can do is buy them a meal.

No..please do not do it. Guests paying for their own dinner is bad idea & just straight out rude. Guests paying for travel & food? That's beyond unacceptable. No way in hell would I go. Do something or go somewhere simple. It doesn't have to be fancy but give them a meal and some drinks

Also I hate when self pay is used as an excuse to be a bad host.

Me and my husband paid for our wedding too. And guess what? We fed our guests.

@OP- if you want different answers, you're going to have to give us more information. No one attends a wedding just for the ceremony except the two people getting married and the officiant. Expecting people to drive hours for a 30 minute ceremony and turn around and drive home is ridiculous. Expecting them to pay for their own meals to come watch you walk down the aisle is flat out unheard of.

@Meghan, if you want everyone to consider other factors, you have to actually explain them. We can't consider something that doesn't exist.

Also, if a friend told me I would have to pay for my dinner after getting them a gift, I would not attend. Not even for any kind of offense or rudeness, I just wouldn't be able to pay for it.

If its important to you to have people involved, you have to pay for it.

Double post.

If I knew ahead of time, I wouldn't bother making arrangements to attend this wedding and if the news came as a surprise after the ceremony, I would eat elsewhere. If I'm spending my money on dinner, I'm going somewhere I at least picked and liked. And if for some reason I decided to stay for this dinner I'd pay for it using the money out of the card I was going to gift you. So..yeah, don't do this.

I just think you should not say following reception because it not considered a reception if they are pay for it.

You want your nearest and dearest to travel several hours to watch you get married then not feed them or provide drinks.....How do you not see that is rude as shit?

So if you spent hundreds, maybe thousands of dollars to attend a destination wedding, you would be okay with them not providing you one measly dinner, as long as it was worded politely on the invitation? Do this and i guarantee you wont have any friends when you get home.

OP- so you know, you are not obligated to pay for your guests' hotel rooms. However, (and I think you know this by now), if you expect them to attend the ceremony, there should be a reception to follow that is paid for by you, even if that is just dinner and drinks.

And as for the "other factors", whatever they are, it truly doesn't matter. You can list out every hardship you've ever endured and detail the many reasons why you are strapped for cash, but the reality is, you invite the amount of guests that you can afford to pay for. It's really that simple.

I love how OP hasn't come back to tell us about her "other factors"

By "we are paying for everything on our own", do you mean you're covering your guests travel costs as well? If so, I recommend letting them cover their travel/accommodation costs and provide a meal. Also, if you don't want to do a formal reception, nothing's stopping you from paying the check for their dinner at a restaurant.

I would not be ok with driving a few hours to witness a 15 to 30 minute ceremony, plus bring a gift/cash, and then have to pay for my own meal. I'd expect to be hosted properly. If I was invited to something like this, I would decline.

If you invite people to any kind of event to celebrate with you and they travel be it a birthday, christening, anniversary, wedding you always feed them. Even if it's just finger food and early in the day. If people are good enough to spend time with you and give up Thier time it's only polite to feed them. Thats what I have always been thought, I have never been to any celebration where I had to buy my own food. I know you say it is an option for people, but I don't think it's right to do that.