RANT: What would you pay these people?

@Lisa- My husband (audit manager /cpa) does our friends taxes (who runs a small business) at cost for filing stuff. I teach my friends how to make jewelry and offer them discounts on things they really like a particular item. The friend that owns a small business helps us out with home repair and free use of his tile saw and stuff. Most friends help eachother out. Yeah it may be missing a chance to make a few bucks but in the end it all equals out.

It is differnent if they expect their friends to practice for hours on the songs or something. Singing ONE song at their wedding isn't the same as taking pictures for hours and then spending days editing them. I think a $100 is a great thank you gift. As for missing a day they could be paid at... are you suggesting if they didn't get asked to preform they wouldn't be attending the wedding? Because otherwise they would be missing the day's work anyway by being at a wedding during their potiential work time.

I agree with the last few posts, it's not like you are asking them to do something that will take all day. They will do the small part during the ceremony and then enjoy the rest of the day. I think the $100 is enough.

I respect what you all have said - but I think the heart of the matter is that there is a misunderstanding between all the parties. They still need to clear the air and talk it over. Even when I've photographed a wedding for free, I still have a contract, to keep everything straight. I do understand that many people trade skills/labor, but expecting someone to do something for free, which they normally do professionally, isn't the same thing. Did these people offer to sing as a gift to the couple, or were they told to sing? A gift is something given freely - not something that is demanded.

Oh no no. I have sung at a few weddings myself and never once was I expected anything in return! I think thats pretty ignorant if you ask me.

My singer requested $100, but as a gesture, I planned to give her $200. I think if she asked for that amount, I would have felt the same way as you. I don't think you're cheap at all.

By the way....another singer at our reception told us the meal was pay enough :-)

$100 is fine! They should be happy to receive that much. They're only singing/playing one song. My cousin is a professional opera singer and she's singing at my wedding for free. Same with my other cousin who'll be playing the ceremony music. One of my close friends/BM has a mom who is a pastor and messaged me on facebook that she'd love to do my wedding. Well a couple weeks ago I messaged her back and said that'd be great! And she replied, "Great. All I need from you is for you to pay for my air fare and hotel room. We can go over the other expenses the night before the wedding." I was like.... what? You live 5 hours away. And second, don't offer to do me a favor and then make me pay $800 to accomodate you! So I found someone else but yeah. Wow.

To me, this is almost as ridiculous as a friend you've asked as a reader demanding you pay them for it...

My FIL has been a DJ on the radio for the past 15+ years... should I pay him for speaking at our rehearsal dinner?

Seriously, I might go in a different direction here... you might feel more comfortable just having them as guests at the wedding if they're seriously just looking at it as a "job" rather than a favor and an honor.

I would offer to let him out of it. Say "Sorry! I had no idea he was able to make that much on the side doing that. We have other people who can sing so that he is not out anything" Say it sincerely and he may back pedal or drop out and you can ask someone else. We are paying our organist $250 which is set by the church. The cantors are typically $150 each but as they are friends, they are doing it free but that is their wedding present to me, and I know it.

I have done hair and make-up as wedding gifts, and if I expected to be paid I would have said when asked to do it "sure, I typically charge $60 an updo, but how does $40 sound since we are friends?" It was his fault for not setting the expectation.

I would play passive aggressive with you daughter and say that you thought it was his 'gift' to you..

@Mallory...now tha'ts a good one. Because on top of all this...they probably won't even give us a gift because all of them are broke 20 something year olds so if anything just by them coming it's costing ME!!!!!!

Wow. That is crazy. I would have thought of it as a wedding gift since it is your daughter's boyfriend. AND especially since you are paying for the hotel room.

I think $100 is sufficient too ... I may have my god father sing at my wedding and honestly if I give him anything it'll just be a small gift ... token of appreciation ...

We asked my 13 year old niece to sing one song at my son's wedding and she said yes. I planned on giving her a little something as a thank you. Then the email came from her stating she would like to be paid as she wants to start singing professionally and saving for college. I wrote back that I had intended to give her something special, but since she wants to be paid I will do that. I may do a follow-up email asking how much she wants to charge and depending on the amount may or may not have her sing. So awkward. At 13 she is a very good singer. But, really charging her cousin to sing at her wedding....waiting to see if my SIL says anything.

My daughter is often asked to sing at weddings. She learns the music, rehearses at home, and attends rehearsals. This takes a lot of time and most of us, who are not musicians wouldn't realize all that goes into preparing. For example, my daughter is singing 2 songs at the next wedding. So she learned the piece on the piano, which takes time. She then has to research the song online and hear it played and sung, and find it in different versions and then realize that none of them match the music she was given. She then needs to transpose the music into the right key (which a skilled musician with a lot of training does), and then she practices singing.. Before you begin singing, you must first do warm up vocal exercises (these take time too). You then sing the songs, make corrections....It is like studying for an exam, if you want to do an "A" job you spend a lot of time "studying". Hours. Then you have the music rehearsal at the church which is 45 minutes away. You have to work with the musicians, and the changes, go home and rehearse the updates and then you have another rehearsal the day of. Most of the time she isn't paid anything. I think you are correct in understanding that you should compensate the musician. As a parent, we have spent thousands (even tens of thousands) of dollars in our child's musical training, and she practiced hours a day throughout her life to become a skilled professional who can perform at any venue. She has spent her whole life learning and honing her skills. I would appreciate if she were paid knowing that she has put in hours of preparation plus travel to sing 2 songs beautifully. She received a gift the last time she performed and it was a coffee mug with candy inside. I don't think that adequately compensates for the time and commitment and skill; especially knowing that the videographer, photographer, baker... will be payed thousands. I think $100 is fine and it should be accompanied by a lovely handwritten card appreciating the gift of time.

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To sing 1 song at a wedding requires: learning the music (usually on the piano first), warming up, rehearsing, transposing the music (music composition skills), vocal warm-ups, travel for rehearsals, coordinating with the other musicians... Hours of practice so that it is perfect day of. If you knew that most people who are asked to sing at weddings are asked because they are excellent. They have spent their lives honing their skills, taking expensive lessons, practicing, buying musical equipment.....

I think you are not aware of what goes into singing "1 song". $100 is a nice thank you gift. $100 equals about 15 hours of prep, it isn't that someone just sings "1 song".

I have been on the musician end of this problem, and you are absolutley going beyond what you need to. Lots of people do try to underpay musicians, but for a full wedding I'd expect a pianist to charge 250. $100 for one solo and another $100 + hotel is way more than enough for just a little piano. In fact, that's what I would've paid my music major friends to do the whole ceremony! Of course it's not professional rate, but you only pay professional rate for professionals!