Random Questions: Rehearsal Dinner, hand-written addresses, groomscake, BM long response time

#1 - no - our officiant charges for it. But if we were getting married in the church I'd extend the invite to the priest.

#2 - yes - I'll be handwriting out the invitations w/o cali

#3 - we will not have a groomscake and I doubt anyone will even notice.

#4 - you can't - so just start telling her the decisions you guys have made.

Wow - that's the least amount of words I've ever used for a reply. :-)

1- Not having a rehearsal dinner, we're doing a ceremony rehearsal and no we're not inviting the officiant to that one. It's all up to you, you don't need him there for the rehearsal

2- Yes, depends on your guests. I did hanwrite all the names on my invites, but I also hand deliver them as I see most of my guests on a weekly basis.

3-Yes, you don't need one. I'm doing one for fun, plus I'm only replacing one sheet of cake with it so I'm not paying anything extra

4-Stop texting or email, call her and first speak to her about what's going on in her life, a lot of people don't check their emails often and sometimes people don't get their text, I'm having that issue right now, try calling her instead.

1) - no, your are already feeding them at your wedding (just my thought)

2) My mom has the nice hand writing and does it all the time, looks good.

3) We will be having a groomscake. My FH is a HUGE hockey fan and it is my way to get hockey stuff in without looking dumb.

4) I lost a BM because of the same type of situation so I can't really be helpful in this manner.. sorry

Good Luck

1. No - It will be late in the evening since rehearsal is taking place at 5 in evening and our priest has to fight traffic back into NY

2. Yes, its really about what you feel comfortable with I used clear address labels and printed mine.

3. Not a biggie to have, and with all the other sweet stuff we are providing it would go to waste.

4. Now is the time to find out if she just wants to be a bridesmaid to be one or wanst to be one and not do or pay for anything. If its the second one then its time to cut her loose. I am doing that with one of mine. And I have already replaced her.

For #4 I'd like to add since your wedding is a year away, a lot of people will not or never be as excited as you regarding anything, they have their own life and like you said she is very busy, so the best thing to do before assuming she's ignoring you is to just call her instead of texting and email. Good luck

1. Yes because she is a family member and will be staying in the same hotel as the dinner.

2. Yes it is ok to address your STDs by hand or have someone else do it. I found a calligrapher for very very cheap to do ours for that extra special touch. I have received some that had printed labels on them and they look fabulous too.

3. To me it is just an extra cost and if he doesn't want one then I would totally skip it. Have a groom's signature drink instead. My FH doesn't eat sweets so he wants a signature shot. (DONE and so much less than a cake)

4. Have you tried FB or Twitter? One of my BMs is 19 and this is her first year of college so I know she is slammed and overwhelmed. If I really need a response from her quickly I send her a tweet.

Thanks for all of the answers! Oh man I didn't even think about inviting the priest to the wedding afterwards. I should look into that too.

She is my FH's older sister. She was really awesome in the beginning. She is in the middle of a nasty divorce, has three young kiddies, has a new job, and has a new boyfriend.... I stopped asking her about decor and details like that, but I have asked her a couple questions about her side of the family. I called her a few times, but she said she just said she would call me back. I see on FB she responds to random things to other people, but I don't get a response. I think I am just going to stop asking her anything. I just hope she confirms for next month when we go try on bridesmaid dresses. I know I am super excited, but I try not to send 1,000 things a day. I send out an email with about 10 different things on it with pictures instead of 100 texts, ya know? I just wish she would answer me about the family!

1) we had a private dinner at home so we invited ours, but he declined. But we also knew him outside of the wedding. Its up to you.

2) by hand is ok if you know you have nice handwriting and dont have a TON to do. Your hand WILL start to hurt. I printed mine on sticker lables in a nice print and it made things so much faster and easier.

3) I didnt do a grooms cake. Didnt need it and it saved on the cost.

4) I would try and plan a day/time for calls. Or in your emails tell her you really would like her view and to either email or call when she can. You do have a TON of time but I also know what it feels like to not get prompt responses when you are wondering about something important to you.

Good luck.

1. My husbands uncle is a priest and flew in to marry us so of course we extended the rehearsal dinner to him. The priest at our church was invited to the wedding and reception but not the rehearsal dinner (although he was a the rehearsal to help facilitate)

2. My mom hand wrote every envelope for us, she has freakishly gorgeous handwriting so I never thought about caligraphy.

3. We didn't have a grooms cake. In fact, we did a ice cream sundae bar and dessert table vs a wedding cake. Our caterer surprised us w/a little two tier cake to cut but we heard no rumblings from the guests.

4. I tell her once that you miss her input on things because she knows you so well (or something to the sort) but understand that she is very busy. And then just offer to keep her up-to-date on decisions you make. You can't force someoene to be involved and please don't take her lack of involvement to mean she doesn't love you and care deeply about the wedding!

1. We did invite our officiant to rehearse, but that's b/c she is a friend of ours and it was her first time doing a wedding, so she wanted to be at the rehearsal. We invited both her and her DH (also our friend) to the rehearsal dinner.

2. I addressed the invitations by hand. I was on vacation so I had plenty of time to go slow and try to write legibly :-) Also we only had to mail about 65, so it wasn't too bad.

3. We did a grooms cake but only because DH wanted it. I wouldn't have missed it if we didn't have one.

4. No helpful advice for this one! :-)

1. Yes, officiant and spouse should be invited to the RD. (Though if you're Catholic that saves inviting the spouse.

2. I addressed invites by hand, as I have neat handwriting.

3. A groom's cake is mostly a southern thing and not necessary.

4. You have a year until your wedding, so I'm not sure what info you would need from her. Only ping her on the important stuff (when to order her dress, her invites to the engagement party, shower and bachelorette) and leave the rest to your MOH. Not everyone is into weddings.

Regarding the SIL - having been through a divorce (though it was amicable and not with children), I will say divorce is an all-consuming thing that sucks up a lot of your brain energy. She might be able to respond to random stuff on FB, because it takes two seconds, but doesn't have the energy to deal with finding great-uncle Herbert's wife's name or whatever it is you want to know. If it's not important, leave it until after the New Year.

If I was going through a nasty divorce, with kids, right before the holidays, I wouldn't want to hear about wedding stuff because it would make me really depressed. So if you must ping her, do so about things only she can answer, and leave the "purple or pink centerpieces, OMG!" stuff for later.

1. I believe we will be inviting our Priest, however I do not think he will attend.

2. I am either going to hand write addresses neatly or print them in a nice font on clear address labels.

3. Grooms cakes are not very common from where I am from and never heard of doing such a thing until I saw it on a lot of the cake shows.

4. I am waiting to hear if three out of five of my BMs have purchased their dresses and they aren't getting back to me about it so its frustrating because they only have until the end of November. I will start to make polite phone calls closer to the time to ensure they are purchased.

1-we did but she isn't going to be able to attend

2-by hand is fine

3-Not needed, very common where I grew up but my FH isn't big on cake he rather have fruit... seriously LOL

4-Given what all she is going through unless it is vital (ordering the dress) stop asking her about the wedding right now. Maybe I am confused but a year out how much exactly do you really need to know right now?

1) Prob won't invote him to rehearsal dinner. We decided to have a laid back dinner going for Mexican and 2 for 1 margaritas with the bridal party and our parents.

2) Handwritten should be fine.

3)Still undecided. I want to get him one but I think it will be a waste.

4) Try setting up a time where you can meet up with her to discuss your concerns face to face. If that doesn't work then make decisions without her and keep it moving.

I just got a call from the bakery about cake testing. That plus the groomscake talk is making me hungry!

I know she is so busy, it just sucks a little bit when she encourages me to ask her, and then doesn't answer. His parents are even slower for answering us about who to invite and other things like that. My Mom bugs me for answers and I try to tell her to cool off. His sister told me to ask her everything first because she would be able to help me with all of that stuff "faster". I know it is early, but I am trying to get everything done now if I can. Some isn't important now, but it is just in my personality to do it all right now =) Maybe I will bring her some flowers or something just to be nice and not mention the wedding for a while. She offered to help me bake Christmas cookies, but she has no time. I think I am just going to find something else to do instead. I don't like not including her, but I don't want to bug her with stupid stuff like that.

Hey Kimp - just saw the info on your BM/FSIL - I definitely give her a pass right now - she's got a ton on her plate - doesn't mean she's not interested - your wedding might just be too painful for her to deal with right now and she might just be slightly cynical to give any sound wound advice. :-)

I think I'd just continue to send her FYI memo's for any of the big stuff and leave the details to the MOH.

YES

YES

YES

and good luck with the BM I had the same issue and just gave up, not worth the stress

DO WHAT EVER YOU WANT! screw tradition and etiquette.

1.If you want to invite the officiant to your dinner then do it! If funds are tights then don't! We invited our photographer, musician, officiant and their partners. My husband's brothers were cooking our rehearsal dinner so adding a few more guests didn't change price.

2. I hand wrote all invitations. our invite was a postcard to save the earth, money, paper, stamps. it was SUPER cute and got tons of positive comments. Also positive comments on the fact it was hand written.

3. We had a dessert table that looked AWESOME! Friends made brownies, vegan cupcakes, cookies, pies, and few other goodies in jars. We had a small 2-layer round cake from a local bakery that we cut together. The cake was under $20. NO grooms cake and no "wedding" cake

4. If you really want her specific opinion, then schedule a talk time. If you just need anyone's advice, don't bother her. she is super busy and can't take it right now.

GOOD LUCK!

1. I say yes. We invitied him and his wife to the rehearsal dinner and the reception. They came to rehearsal dinner but not the reception.

2. I hand wrote all my STD and did labels for my invites. I was certain I had inner envelopes that I would hand write and it wasn't until after the labels were on that I realized I had not ordered inner. I was bummed that it wasn't more personal but nothing I could do at that point.

3.I had a groomscake served at the rehearsal dinner. It was all camo. I said no camo in the wedding so I thought I'd get him camo for his cake. But my friend just got married this weekend and she didn't have one.

4. I agree with everyone else. Let things cool off with her since she has her plate full.