Question about offended guests

If someone ASKS you then it's fine to say we don't need anything, just saving up for ____. It's fine not to register. A registry is just a suggestion of various gifts. Plenty of couples who have a registry still get gifts that aren't even on it. It's not OK to say no boxed gifts / demand only cash. Sometimes close friends and family may have the great gift in mind that you didn't even think about, so insisting on cash only just seems ungrateful.

My mom was just asked if I wanted a gift card shower. Her thoughts and mine were no that is too much liking asking for money, when there is stuff I need. There are some place that we would like gift cards to and my mom can tell they if that ask.

You don't have to have a registry, and IMO there is a difference. Asking for only money is not the same as having a registry, even if you put a cute poem on your registry page on your website instead of a link to a registry. It would be more like putting on your website: Aunt Ida, I want you to get me this place setting, John you get me this coffee maker, Mary you get me this set of wine glasses. A registry is just a suggestion. They don't need to get you something specific off of it. In fact they can still give you cash or something else. Did you rename your "registry" tab and page on your website to "cash gifts"? Probably not. Why not if it's not tacky? Being on WW has just made me think it's even more rude, because of all the "how do I make sure I only get cash?" and "I only want cash no boxed gifts how do make sure that happens" threads. That's clearly not a suggestion or just a guideline the same as a registry.The attitude attached is completely different.

I agree with you there, Pan. Personally, my guests could come empty handed, with a gift, or cash and I'll be just as grateful either way. I realize it's a little against the norm, but if a guest comes without a gift I still plan on writing a thank you card. I'm just thankful to have friends that want to celebrate our day together and I will thank them for taking the time to join us.

I think it's fine to tell people you would prefer monetary gifts IF YOU ARE ASKED. That's just like a registry. People will only look for/at your registry if they opt to go that route. Which is why you don't put a card in your invitation about your registry. It's there, but people will only know about it if they search/ask for it.

Also, I hate that brides (and grooms!) have to worry about offending their guests by doing something the way they prefer it at their wedding. People have many different reasons for not doing a bar (religious, family issues, money) and it shouldn't matter either way.

Great thread! While some things are "etiquette" they just don't always make sense to me. For example, don't you DARE send those little registry cards in your invitation -- it's like you are begging for gifts and that is SO RUDE! However, you can include your registries on your wedding website. Then, add your website link in your invitation packet and direct guests there... you know, because that's better and then you don't look as though you are begging for gifts (insert sarcasm here). Really?!

FYI - No, I did not send any registry cards in my invitation - and ultimately, if for no other reason, I wouldn't have sent them for aesthetic purposes. But because I caused such an uproar amongst others when I posted the question, I definitely didn't do it because of the possibility of offending someone -- and no, my goal was not to beg for gifts; just wanted an easy way to share with everyone because I had been asked over and over.

Ettiquette & the norms for your culture/social circle/region are diff things, imho.

Amy N, There is no "free meal" for a guest, ever. They have paid for few things to attend your wedding even before they give you a gift.

Well said Marie & Crytal S, but then again, we all come from the same area. ; )

Marie, mentioning a $ bar w/ a $10K ring, yep, bad manners where we come from.

I loved your analogy Crystal! If you come to my home & I know your drink of choice is Caffeine Free Diet Pepsi, I have it for you. That is part of being a good hostess. A wedding is viewed as the same in my book.

Asking for cash - Bad manners where I come from. It's what we give anyway.

The Bar Thing....It's not done here....period. Hell, serving well liquor will get tongues wagging.

Kathy, Yes, since our divorce the only thing the ex & I have agreed upon is paying for our daughter's wedding. Everyone we know did the same thing. It is our norm. : )

The bottom line is, all across the country, wedding receptions are celebrated in many different ways. Many of us have very strong feelings about the "right" way we throw a wedding reception. And that is what I have learned from spending way too much time on WW. lolol

Rayy Chull...I agree. I sent thank yous to everyone on both my weddings. I am always afraid that envelope may have gotten lost. ; )