Prenup frustrations!

I would agree with those who state the pre-nup needs to be written as a percentage of marital assests acquired after marriage, with exclusion of the current house acquired before marriage. That sounds like it in a nutshell, right? If so, it would be 50%, what you are legally entitled to.

I would also state the pre-nup have an expiration date. What happens when you've been married, say, 40 years and still living in the same house? Will you have proven by that time that you are there to stay?

Also, and to me the MOST important: provisions for any children YOU and he have. What happens if you have children within the first 5 years, you are still in the same house, and the marriage goes south? Will your child(ren) receive equal share of the house? Two can play at the "nit-picky" game, and you need equal protection!

FH has accounts for his kids, even though grown and those can't be touched and our in their name joint with their father.

@Ladylee-I wasn't being sarcastic when I said you were crackin me up! Just when you say "the plot thickens" and stuff. I love your passion. I don't get offended easily since I have a very blunt, harsh tongue (which I've been trying to work on!). I just wanted to give you some more background info on FH and his situation with his kids.

Michele, prenups do not cover children from the current marriage, that would all be addressed in custody/support if divorce should occur.

It's just so dang complicated-this marriage thing! LOL. My mom told her bf she doesn't want to get re-married. His kids suck! LOL. They're so mean to him. My mom put my brother and myself on her accounts and such that way we don't have to pay all the taxes when she dies. My brother and I aren't ridiculous. We always just said that when our parents died-he'd get our dad's guns, I'd get our mom's jewelry (with the exception of some pieces for his daughter) and we'd split everything else. If I can do this kind of agreement with my brother, shouldn't FH and I be able to agree?

Also, you can write increments into prenup, like at 5 years 50%, 10 years 75%, etc.

Jenn, sample prenup that may be helpful. State laws very so just keep that in mind.

http://www.medlawplus.com/legalforms/instruct/sample-prenup.pdf

Deirdre what words did I hyphenate first of all? And please explain to me how hyphenating is snotty? I know exactly what I said. I choose my words carefully so there is never a need to repeat my words back to me. Jenn said he is protective of his finances b/c of his kids. I don't care how you slice it and dice it. That is essentially saying I don't trust you 100% to not screw my children over if something happens to our marriage so I need to protect them. It is what it is. As far as being predatory, I don't know where you derived that from. If she was being predatory, she would be fighting the prenup which she is not.

@Jenn Not to worry. I knew what you meant.

You might need to hire a good attorney. You probably should, to protect yourself. Percentage would be the way to go.

What you had before would be yours and what he has will be his. But you mentioned a car that you helped pay for with your trade in? And also, what about the renovations to your current house? Some of the profit from your current house will be yours because the renovations will have been made during your marriage.

Yes, you gave up your job. So that is a good point.

Also, is he paying for your entire schooling? That's also a factor in your future earnings.

During your marriage, your assets acquired as a couple would be both of yours together-salary, and tangible property.

A prenup and two different competent attorneys to represent both your interests makes the most sense. It's messy now, but it will save you a bigger migraine and surprise later on.

GL

One other thing you haven't mentioned is life insurance. He should have enough to provide support for his children & their educations. He could take out a term policy for 10 years or so, for $100,000 (probably more) w/you as beneficiary. Term insurance is inexpensive (assuming he's healthy) & it would give you additional peace of mind (I AM NOT an insurance salesperson.)

I have a similar issue - I am coming to the marriage with financial assets, but I have my own business and really don't make enough to support myself. (As a financial planner I could probably find a better paying job if I had to.) He makes a good salary & owns his house (similar thing to you - gave the ex $100K). His finances were in shambles when I met him - I got him to pay down close to $30k in credit card debt (yay) and put $$ in his 401(k).

I haven't really thought of things in relation to divorce (although I recognize it is possible). I worry more about him dying prematurely We're older I'm 49 & he's 55.

As others have said - it is best to discuss your options with an attorney. I suspect your situation isn't that unusual and just as your FH wants to protect his children, you want to protect yourself.

Now if I would only follow my own advice :-(. I really need to hash this out with my guy.

Okay, seeing this type of situation first hand from my mom's marriage to her husband, I'm going to strongly advice that no matter how much you trust your FH, if he is seeking out protection via a prenup, I suggest you take the same route and make sure you protect yourself just as much as he is protecting himself. My mom got married 5yrs ago to a man who she trusted, but was also scorned...his exwife took most of what he had after he divorced her and now he's a paranoid wreck and this has made him be very very unfair in his marriage. My mother is a very honest person who would never take advantage of anyone...but he has taken things above and beyond. Everything has become about money. He has his own home he bought before marrying my mom and my mom had her own home too..he insisted he be on her grand deed and she added him cus she wanted to be fair..but now he won't add her to his. In the past months he's gotten very ill and she found out that he revised his will leaving everything to h

Is two kids from his previous marriage and 10K to her. Plus, he's never wanted to file joint taxes because he feels he's protected himself this way if she were to divorce him. I don't think he's a evil person...but I think he's super paranoid and damaged from his previous relationship. It's sad. My mom is being wise now...we are actually going to "pretend" she's selling me the house so that it can be under my name in case they do divorce, he can't take it. It's sad, I know...but he's not the same person she married.

@Jenn - PA is kind of weird, IMO in the laws. My divorce was in PA as well. So take all of our assets, including the engagement ring, and it is split 50/50. I don't see why the house wouldn't be part of it, even though it was purchased prior to your marriage given my experience.

Get this though, I upgraded my ex-wife's ring a few years into the marriage. I don't remember the exact term, but I think it was called a marital asset, and I was entitled entirely to it, she didn't get to keep it, and didn't see a penny from the sale.

Send me an email offline if you want. I actually have a friend who is a contract lawyer, who was downsized when she went on maternity leave. She is now doing freelance work, can probably get her to do something up reasonably for you.

Jenn, if you guys absolutely want a prenup, which it sounds like he does. I would recommend that you both get amicable lawyers for it - not cut throat ones b/c you don't want to start a big war over this. Prenups can have a lot of lope holes if not done correctly and end up not serving their purpose at all. If the house is 130 now but you will jointly be contributing to increase its value, you should be entitled to something from that. I agree with others that you should not limit yourself to a number. Yes, you are in school now, but over the years you will have a contributing career. And what if he loses his job and you are supporting him for years? The prenup as it is protects his kids, but what if you both have more kids in the future? You both need independent lawyers to go over these issues so it is in BOTH of your best interests. Where in PA are you? I have a family law attorney in my office - bucks county, I can find out if she does prenups. Shoot me an email if you like.

I haven't read all the above posts so sorry if this is redundant. I would NOT put a dollar amount on things because inflation/cost of living etc will change drastically and 30K now will be the equivalent of 5K later. Also, if you are "updating" his house as a couple then you should be entitled to half of the increase in value of the house. Thirdly, the car you currently drive is going to decrease in value over time. Put a % for the first 5 years then everything is 50% after 5 years, no matter whos, how or what it is.

I'm in the same situation kinda.... we are not doing a pre-nup. FH owns his home as well. Our spoken agreement is when I move in when we are married I will begin to contribute half of the mortgage. He will then put my name on title to the house. Maybe you guys can do something like that. Or maybe express that you would want 30% of the value of the home. In 20 years 20k might not buy much.