(POSSIBLE TACKY ALERT) DIY Bridal Shower

Your wedding is way far off to even be thinking of a shower. I didn't really want one, but I was just informed last week that my mother and MOH are having one for me on May 26th, which is less than a month before my wedding. And they *just* started planning it with less than three months to the wedding.

I knew I would never throw myself one, but really I didn't want one at all because we're having a very small ceremony (30 people) and those who would be invited to a shower would not be invited to the ceremony (we are having a causal reception later for everyone not invited to the ceremony, but still...).

It is very tacky to essentially say, "I'm throwing myself a party, bring me gifts." Because that is what a shower is; "showering" the bride-to-be with gifts.

I know a few girls, that are helping plan their own baby shower, I know some that have thrown their own bridal shower... I would hint first, but if not do it yourself, modern times you want it you do it IMO, I wouldn't hate you or judge you for it, it's no ones place to do that but just to be supportive.

What about your mom? Apparently that's bad etiquette, but I don't think so! My Mom and I planned my sister's baby shower, and they'll probably be doing my wedding shower. That's kind of expected here.

I don't think it's tacky to throw your own shower, it's just basically a party, with gifts I don't really think it matters who throws it. If I decide to have one, I'm going to be throwing it myself, no big deal to me...I know with my bachelorette party (if I have one) my sister who is my MOH will be throwing it...it's not hard to just go out to the bar and have fun...only thing is we'd have to find someone to watch her kids while we're out...which if he's around that night my FH or my uncle buddy can watch them...

My girls are similar, and I know if I didnt take the reigns on this, it wouldn't get done. I simply called my MOH and was like, " I need to know the date of my bridal shower so that I can request off of work" she was like uhhh we haven't set a day yet. By doing this, I planted the seed that a. I wanted a shower, and b. she needed to get her butt moving on it. My MOH is my sister, so I knew how to handle this, and not seem pushy about it.

I'm just curious, and don't mean this to be insulting, but why is that you want a shower? Are you in need of some household items, and see it as the perfect opportunity to add said items to your home? Or do you just want to get all of your friends and family together to celebrate your engagement/marriage? If it's the latter, it's completely ok to have a get-together, just don't call it a shower.

Yes, it's considered 'bad form' to throw yourself a shower. I believe the only time it's ok to throw a party in your own honor is when you approach it with the idea of simply getting everyone together to celebrate; absolutely NO gifts involved. And that's exactly how I'd word my invitations.....

"Let's get together to celebrate Rachel's upcoming marriage. We'll have cake and punch and a bit of lunch, but please no gifts."

....so I'm not doing great with the whole wording thing this morning, but you get my drift.

cont...

As many others have said, throwing your own shower comes off as gift grabby. Personally, if I were invited to a bridal shower that was hosted by the bride herself, I would be a little choosier about the type of gift and amount of money spent (I realize that sounds petty). I can't help but feel that if a bride throws her own shower she's simply looking for hand-outs, and that just doesn't sit well with me.

Mine is only one opinion, and may not be in the majority, but it is something to consider.

You've still got time. Drop a few hints here and there when people ask you about a shower, eventually someone will catch on and take the reigns.

My FSIL literally asked us to throw her a shower and then had the nerve to ask us to hurry up and pick a date (3 months out) because her calendar is filling up. This is my brothers second marriage and she's having 3 other showers. I think it is super rude to ask for a shower. Its supposed to be something someone does for you because they want to. Just my 2 cents.

Like Future Mrs X said, the reason behind wanting a shower is key...if it is just to get friends together before the wedding, ur bachelorrette(sp?) party seems to be doing just that. If it is for the gifting issue, then Im afraid its a lil bit fishy. Shellie stated that she made sure to pass around that gifting isnt necessary but I say ask yourself this question "Will I ever go for a shower with no gift no matter how much it was said that gifting isnt necessary"--If your answer is NO, then ah well it sure will sound like its a bit "gift grabby".

So I say, there is nothing wrong in planning a get together for your girlfriends but a shower will definitely come out sounding like "I want gifts" and perhaps no one has stepped up to the plate to host it because they can afford it.

Also I suggest you tell ur MOH in a very casual way that you would prefer a shower instead of a party(if thats what u really want tho) and see how she responds.

I think you can help plan and even pay for the shower in the sidelines. However, you cannot officially host it. Your name should appear nowhere on the invitation. Your BM's can officially host it and simply put, "Hosted by the bridal party" on the invitations.

If you would like a get together, that is not a gift giving occasion, you can throw a bridal luncheon or tea.

Since Cate's combined shower list was 75(That is entire subject that I have already vented about that I highly disagree with), and her FMIL wanted it in a restaurant, her FMIL and I are paying for the shower. However, the BMs are officially "hosting" the shower on the invitation. I am the RSVP contact person because I am the only one in the Philly area who is home all day. There was no way the FMIL and I could ask these girls who are burdened with student loans, etc to put out $300 a piece in addition to the cost of their gowns($250) and the Bachelorette Party.

My mom is throwing mine for 2 reasons. 1. my mohs and BM live 8 hrs always. 2. my FMIL has not offered to do anything. so my mom is doing it. I say do what you want.

Check this out... I have been doing some research for a paper I am writing for graduation. Here is something to think about. WHO SAYS you have to do it a shower a certain way? Check out these traditions that you would feel pressured to follow if you were from another country... I say just have fun and it will lighten your worries!

In China, couples prefer to marry on the half hour. Because when the clock is on the up swing, it symbolizes ascending fortune. A multi-layered fruitcake topped by a small cedar tree is a wedding tradition in Bermuda. The tree is planted after the ceremony and is expected to grow with the love of the couple. It is considered good luck in England for a bride to be kissed by a chimney sweep on the way to her wedding. Sweeps are associated with hearth and home, and thus domestic bliss.

My FMIL offered to throw me one the day we told her we was getting married. I respectfully declined it because "I" didn't really want gifts and don't like to be the center of attention (it's hard enough to be one during the wedding) So she offered to put a $1000.00 towards my wedding instead and I gratefully accepted : )

I can't believe it would be bad etiquette for her to throw me a shower.

I would just throw out some really strong hints to the MOH. If she is a "real" friend she will get it!