Plus 1's - help!

A significant other is an automatic invite and it doesn’t matter if you have met them or not. A plus one is a random stranger that your truly single guests are allowed to bring, and many couples don’t extend true plus ones to their guests. You can not ask someone to celebrate your relationship while disrespecting theirs. Are you not able to video chat to meet them? Be prepared for many declines and possibly permanently cut friendships.


They will find out what the situation is when they receive invites. Don’t say anything beforehand.

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If my friends/cousins 1. live with them 2. are married to them or 3. have a family with them - they'll be invited, regardless if I've met them or not. But, I have friends/cousins who have recently gotten into relationships - those are the ones that will not be invited. If I could give everyone a plus one, I would - but unfortunately, like I mentioned, our venue doesn't allow me to invite everyone because of the size.

There really is no polite way to not invite someone’s significant other. Romantic relationships are social units and wedding etiquette says they are to be treated as such (ie, always invited together).

Relationships are not plus ones and it’s not up to you to determine if their relationship is valid (only if they live together or have kids based on your last comment?) They likely won’t go. It sounds like you don’t care about that but as others said there is no polite way to tell them this. Either don’t invite them or invite their partners too.

I agree with others that a significant other is an automatic invitation. I struggled with this myself when preparing my guest list as I had some friends in relatively new relationships, but I knew they'd already exchanged "I love you" and I came to realise, it wouldn't be fair for me not to invite them since they obviously are more than just a casual date.

Personally I don't think this is a good decision at all. Excluding a significant other solely because you haven't met them is a slap in the face which will come across as "sorry, your relationship isn't real since I haven't met you".

If you don't care about the drama that this will cause, don't say anything but don't be surprised if your cousin's ask you if they can bring their partners.

Significant others are a package deal. Plus ones are truly random dates (think Tinder dates). Given that your wedding is over a year away, these cousins'/friends' relationships may very well grow to be more serious in the next 15 months. I'd either find a new venue that can accommodate everyone's significant others, or scale back your guest list.

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We've locked in the venue and we're trying to scale back on the guest lists by only inviting our absolute closest families/friends (Which is why I'm trying to find ways to cut)

Make a list of those you can not imagine the day without and send announcements to the rest. But anyone who is invited must have their significant other invited as well.

You asked for help in how to tell people they cannot bring SO. Aside from etiquette, bottom line, since you don't mind if cousins/friends don't come if their SO's aren't invited, you simply address the outer envelope to that one person and on RSVP fill in the blank with one reserved seat. If they ask after that you will need to practice the word "no".

If you don't want to change venues then you will need to determine who is most important to you and invite them along with their significant others. This means that there will be people you want to invite that you will not be able to, but that is the consequence of choosing a venue that will not accommodate your entire guest list including SO's. It isn't an excuse to treat others rudely by leaving out their SO.

If your wedding date is October 2022 it is far too early to be deciding a final guest list anyway. It's more than a year away, and people can get married, divorced, or into new relationships in that time. The final list should be determined when invitations go out 8-10 weeks before the wedding.

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I like the idea of not finalizing the list until 8-10 weeks before the wedding - my friends/cousins go through a number of bf/gfs, which is why I'm hesitant - but, 8-10 weeks prior I'll have a better idea of who has a SO and who doesn't and I can go from there. Thanks!

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My friends/cousins bounce around in relationships - that's why I'm hesitant lol. But I still have time and I'll have a better idea of the number of significant others I have to invite and go from there! Thanks!

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I totally understand that - I had that same hesitation with the people I mentioned.

You have until October next year though so at this point in time I would really play it by ear as it is way too far out to see what will happen between now and then.

I think, as the others have said - you need to invite couples as a social unit, there's no way around it. This means inviting the most important ones on your guest list WITH their partners, and cutting some of the less important people as a result.

I had a friend decide her line in the sand was that couples either had to have been together for over 2 years, or be engaged/married. I thought this was a weird and somewhat offensive choice - she did make a special exception for my partner, as I was in the bridal party - we'd been together 1.5 years, and were moving in together just a few days before the wedding, but I remember thinking it would mean my sister (who lived with her partner but had only been dating him 20 months)would not have been able to bring him. It was clear at the time they were a serious relationship and she's since married him. It really rubbed me the wrong way, that this friend expected these people to show up and support her relationship, whilst denigrating theirs at the same time. So, whilst I totally understand how difficult it is to cut your guest list down, I think it's important to understand how a choice like the one you're contemplating will potentially be perceived by your guests.

If you're not close enough to someone to acknowledge their relationship by inviting their significant other, then you're right, they probably shouldn't be invited at all.

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In that case, I would scale back on your guest list by simply not inviting these people in question if you won't have room to accommodate their significant others.

I think it would be more appropriate to reevaluate your guest list. If you have to eliminate, eliminate the couple/family. Not individuals from the couple/family.

It's super rude to not invite couples if they're in a serious relationship. But from the way you said it, these aren't really relationships, just casually dating short-term. If someone is long-term (together for several months/years, living together, have children together etc.) but you can't fit in their SO, that's really on you for choosing a venue that was too small. In this case, I would wait as long as possible to get the invites printed so you can see who is still together with their SO. If they break up and then try to bring a random new date, you can call them and say there isn't space

If you feel like they shouldn't be invited if they aren't willing to come without their significant other, just don't invite them. I would absolutely attend a wedding without my husband, but I wouldn't attend a wedding he isn't invited to and we started drawing that line in the sand very early in our relationship.

I guess I’m the odd one out here that’s going to disagree with everyone else that a significant other is an automatic invite. They’re not. Perfect example! My brothers girlfriend. She has caused a LOT of problems in our family, showed up and never left, moved in without permission, makes everything about her, doesn’t clean or take care of her dog that she just brought over. So no. She’s NOT welcome at our wedding because I refuse to deal with that kind of bs on MY wedding day. Do not invite people simply because they’re dating. I don’t want random people I’ve never met at my wedding. They didn’t take the time to meet me before hand so why would I pay for them at my wedding?