People RSVPing with their kids! ADVICE!

Even at adult only receptions, exceptions are usually made for the children IN the wedding. Just call your friends and say that unfortunately, you only have two seats reserved for them. They can decide to get a babysitter, or they can change their RSVP to not attending.

Are you not having the children because it is an adult only even or because of budget? Either way it still an a simple explanation. I can see how someone could take it the wrong way but, the children in the wedding are actually part of the bridal party.

Well, in my humble opinion you can't, unless you want to be incredibly rude. If you have a RSVP # _ section and someone fills it in, it is under most etiquette rules that unless stated they can add a date or children. You're supposed to word it differently or say adults only if someone is eliminated. The fact that you're having "some" children at your wedding and you're telling this person they can't is understandable however, she wont see it that way. When she sees that you made an exception for some but not her, she may feel angry or like you don't like her children.

Now, if you just don't care - I'd nicely just say during a phone call, "I received your RSVP and I'm sorry there was a misunderstanding that only the addressed people were being asked to the wedding only. We have very limited space and while I'd enjoy your whole family there I had to pick parents only and I'm hoping you will understand this is no way personal."

Hope it goes well for you.

Um, no, usually when an invitation is addressed to Jane and John Smith, it's because Jane and John are invited, otherwise it would say Smith Family. It's not rude to not include children, even if there will be 2 kids because they are in the wedding party. That does not equate to all children are invited.

Same for plus ones, if I invite Betty Ross, that doesn't give her to right to add John Franklin because she feels like it. Perhaps better wording could have been used, but by addressing it only to the adults in family, that was their indication of what was invited.

Reenski it depends on what etiquette rules your following and where you raised and how things are done in your area.

Where I am from it is RUDE to leave a #_ spot and not allow people to fill it in. You are NOT supposed to have a fill in if you're not allowing fill ins. You are also supposed to say "adults only" in the same place you would say this is a black tie affair.. ect. You don't write a invitation to a parent (which most are anyway) and hope people understand their children aren't invited.

Now if she did write this clearly on her invitation or the _# spot wasn't there and they just added.. That makes the responder rude.

Why exactly have a _________# spot if the only people invited are the parents on the envelope? Why not Both will be attending Or I will be attending? It's all in the wording..

To each their own.. This was MY OPINION.. and I'll stand by it. You don't have to invite every Tom, Dick and Harry but word you stuff correctly, be polite and clear.

I can see both sides as well. But the invitation was made out only to the parents. If we had included the kids it would have said "____Family." They had just gotten married 2 years ago so I assumed she would understand but you know what they say about assuming things Thank you for the advice ladies.

Big factor...do your invites say Adult Only?

I've received a few invitations, address to Reenski and FH. The RSVP cards had the name line, and just a line to check attending or not attending. A number was never an option. I can fill in the name or just myself if FH can't attend, or both of us. But if I had a child, I wouldn't add his name because I couldn't find a sitter.

I'll agree, the wording can definitely change things -- did her other guests with children only RSVP for those the invite was addressed to? If so, I wonder why this one couple is the odd man out. Still, I don't at all think it's rude to not have children, and to explain due to space and budget, we only have two seats reserved for you.

But like you said, to each their own. I've made sure to let everyone know who is and isn't invited well beforehand and on the invites.

I can't wait for this to be an issue at our wedding either. My family is huge so we decided to cut it off at a certain point which means my cousins will not be able to bring their kids. Some of my cousins think breeding is a social status and they have to bring all 6 of their kids everywhere. So there will be drama - and some may not show - and I don't care. If their kids names are not on the invite - they are not invited. Some people just don't get it - or they don't think it applies to them and their children - or they just don't give a s**t.

Is there anyway you can get word of mouth to them WITHOUT directly coming out and saying, "HEY! I didn't invite your little kids - I invited you! Two seats means 2 seats. Leave them at home or don't come."

Like maybe could you have a friend or another family member casually mention how you decided you weren't having ANY children besides those in the wedding party due to "insert reason here"?

No we didn't put adults only on our invites. But like I said I assumed if the invite was made out only to the parents then common sense would say only they were invited. I can totally understand where the confusion would come in but then wouldn't they just contact me and ask if the kids could come? Now I have to be the bad guy, kid hating bride and say they can't bring their kids.

Children in the wedding party are priviledged.

Granted, if I was having an adult reception only, I would have put same on the RSVP card "Adult Reception Only" so ppl would know. I've read other WW's who have done this and ppl STILL think they can bring their kids.

Best advice I've heard - Let your guests know that children are not invited. The guests should accept your decision but be prepared for declines because of your decision not to invite children.

When we made the invites for our wedding, I specifically listed at the bottom:

" _____ seats have been reserved in your honor."

This way I could fill in the number of persons being invited and there was no room for confusion. We did have children at our wedding, but only about 11 and all were between the ages of 4 and 16.

I don't think people "just don't care", I think it's because people just don't know. Birthday party invites come to me with just my name and I know my kids are invited. It's not always common sense. If they haven't been to a lot of weddings or didn't have a large wedding or a wedding at all, how would they know? That is why you add the information on the invitation much like how would they know where to go for you wedding? You have to give the information.

I'm not arguing I just think some of us ladies forget not everyone is in wedding mode. Not all of us have studied every line of their etiquette book of choice and most people don't have wedding wire. Just some food for thought.

I think it's short sighted to see our guests as rude when maybe all the information wasn't given as clearly as they needed it. Ok.. I'm done now GOOD DAY.

Whoever the invitation is addressed to, those are the ones invited. You addressed the invitation to the parents. If the children were invited, it should have been addressed to The Smith Family. Contact the parents and apologize for the confusion. Explain that due to the budget/seating, you are unable to invite children other the 3 were in the wedding.

IMO, you have 2 choices. 1, suck it up and let the kids come. 2, call the couple and inform them that the invite was made out to mr and mrs because you do not have the budget/room/or whatever for the kids but be prepared if they get a bit miffed because it wasn't clear from the beginning.

I did our invites exactly how Mandee did simply because I did not want my MOH's mom to bring her 5 insane children, even though I was allowing kids.

Excellent point, Tabatha. And I agree, I don't think it's necessarily rude (unless they cross out your # and add more), it definitely can be just not knowing, but I also think if the OP doesn't politely set it straight, it'll be a slippery slope with budget or other guests, in this case.

But you're right, sometimes we have to get out of wedding mode. And also be very clear.

I agree. I understand that not everyone understands wedding etiquette but I am sticking to the point that if the invite was made out to Mr. and Mrs. Smith then it should be obvious that it is Mr. and Mrs. Smith invited only. But it makes sense that some people might not understand that so I guess we will just have to clarify that the kids are not invited. We didn't put __# of seats are reserved for you because people said that people will just cross that number out and put another in. But I guess it's my fault for assuming that people understand that whoever is on the invite are the only ones invited.

I'm still curious, Shaina, is it only this one couple that has done this or has anyone else with kids also done this? Or are they the only ones with kids?

It amazes me the number of people that don't pay attention to who invites are made out to. My manner-less uncle and his family added in his son's girlfriend's name to their invitation for a family wedding recently! I was appalled. So his invitation to our wedding will specifically state who is invited haha!!

So far they are the only ones. I had another one of my FH's friend RSVP with his girlfriend that we didn't know he had and we told him no. This family is pretty much the only one's with little kids besides the kids that are in the wedding party.