People asking to come to the ceremony

Honestly, if they are truthfully only wanting to come to the ceremony then I don't see anything wrong with this arrangement. If you felt like it you could have little favors given out as people leave as a token of your appreciation. Here in France it's literally the law to have your wedding in an open ceremony, meaning anyone can come to see you wed. Obviously, these people wouldn't be at the reception.

First it’s rude to ask any couple for an invite. Second it’s rude to give ceremony only invites. Especially when couples are cutting out their own friends to invite random strangers. Don’t do this.

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One is a dear friend who would have been the next person on the list if we had room, the others are couples who are also very close friends. But point taken.

Since they’re asking, I’d probably say yes. If a good friend of mine was getting married but had a small reception planned, I’d probably make a day of it with our mutual friends, go to the ceremony and then have our own lunch/dinner out in the couple’s honor.


I really only think it’s rude when the couple themselves doesn’t extend a reception invite. It definitely can be rude to fish for an invite when none was extended, but this doesn’t feel like one of those situations.

Isn't a thing where entire church congregations come see a wedding but don't go to the reception?

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You still feed them at least cake and punch before the dinner portion of the reception. You don’t send anyone home without hosting something for them, and that is still a reception.

I say do it. Most traditional rules have gone out the window since covid anyway. You could also live stream. My cousin did that and I still felt like I was there!

This must be regional because it's very much NORMAL for guests to come to a church ceremony only in my circles! The church is technically a public space after all. I wasn't sure about it either, but when my partner's childhood friend got married, my partner's mother came to the ceremony (she was not invited to the wedding) because she wanted to see him be married and pay her respects. There were other people as well who just came to the church ceremony and not the reception. Since extra guests at the ceremony don't cost the couple anything and don't' affect anything, it's not considered rude. People also came dressed fairly casually to the wedding, then changed into fancier outfits for the reception.

Again it may be culturally dependent. This was for a Catholic wedding the Northeast US.

View Quoted Comment We are Catholics getting married in the Northeast too! I feel like its generally fine for people to come to mass. Of course, we arent inviting people to mass only, but they are asking and yeah the Church is technically public

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Okay that makes me feel better. I'll give the go-ahead. My friends definitely know that we can't have them at the reception and are fine with it.

Oh if it’s a Catholic wedding you can’t really tell people they can’t come, at least in every parish I’ve been in. It’s a thing for little old ladies to go to weddings just for something to do.

While I don't understand the religious side of it, it does make sense to me that a church wedding congregation would be more "public", especially in certain communities. (Is this maybe also where the trend of parents inviting everyone from their church to the wedding came from? Originally an era where those people would only go to the church and not the reception? Something to think about.)

I also don't think that it was rude of them to ask, based on your replies that these are close friends who would have been invited were it not for space restrictions.

I like Samantha's suggestion, if it's in the budget, maybe something like those little candied almonds for everyone to take after the ceremony would be a sweet gesture (certainly not required, though). But as long as you know they truly aren't expecting to be included in the reception and simply want the honor of witnessing your ceremony, I think it's totally fine to do. Some people don't care about the party and free booze. They just want the privilege of being there when your new life together starts. I don't see where there is any offense to be taken in that.

It’s very sweet that your friends still want to see you get married even if Covid effected the reception!

If they're asking, then it's fine.


Aren't most, if not all, church weddings open to the public anyway? It's like getting married in a park. You can't stop someone from joining

That isn't bad at all to let them come! That's sweet that they want to come see you get married!

View Quoted Comment Some people just genuinely want to see their friends/family get married and don't have any expectations of being hosted afterwards.

View Quoted Comment This might be different depending on region because I would have no expectation of a reception if I was only attending a ceremony at a church. If there were small favors, such as candied almonds, for the ceremony guests then I would see that as a nice surprise but certainly not an expectation.


I would let them come. I think it is sweet of your friends to want to be there and also very considerate of them to understand you keeping the reception plans small. I see no issue with them going to just the church ceremony.

Were these people that you would be inviting were you going for a larger event? If so, I don't see why they can't come to the church. However, if they're just random people who you had no intention of inviting, then that's a bit tacky. That's basically wedding crashing. My fiance's mom and stepdad ran into a similar situation. His stepdad is a pillar of their community, so during a church service, the pastor announced to the entire congregation that they were getting married there the following Friday. My fiance's mom then walked into a room filled mostly with people she didn't even know! No one wants to look out to their wedding and say "Who the he** is that?" Again, if you would have invited these people, anyway, under different circumstances, then let them come. Otherwise, tell them you're keeping it intimate.

I think you could absolutely let them watch the ceremony! Assuming they understand that you aren't able to give them an invite to the reception, of course! I think it's sweet that they still want to get to witness the wedding -- I would let them if you're able! Obviously make sure they know that you aren't able to raise your guest count for the reception, but if that's something they're okay with, I say go for it. They may be more than okay with not being able to come to the after party, and just simply want to witness the ceremony.

Its completely up to you. When I was growing up, there were a couple times teachers would invite students to the church ceremony only - my kindergarten teacher invited her whole class and a teacher in high school invited a handful of students he had a really good relationship with to his late morning church wedding and myself and friends loved getting dressed up and going out to lunch after. Typically nothing is expected other than for the guests to show up nicely dressed and observe. I don't think you need to serve/host anything else.

If these are people you are close to that you would absolutely 100% invite to your event if it was larger, feel free to allow them to attend if it feels right to you. I would consider that there are likely others in a similar boat who won't ask you because they think it would be rude to do so, so maybe think about how you'd like to navigate that. I would hate to be the friend that didn't get to go because I didn't ask, but people will say its completely inappropriate to just invite people to the ceremony and if you are the ones that extend the invite, guests may expect that they will be more included/involved than you plan. So that's the one thing I would consider in this situation.