Out of state Bridesmaid- need advice

An engagement party is optional to begin with and not done in many circles. If you can’t attend, then it’s out of your hands. If you are close enough to be a bridesmaid, you should be able to have a blunt conversation with the bride without judgement. If she doesn’t accept your decline and ends the friendship because you have other obligations, then it only makes her look like a horrible person. Talk to her and she should understand. If she doesn’t, then you dodged a bullet and can back out before actual wedding planning takes place. On the flip side, unless she’s having a super short engagement, no one should be asked to be a bridesmaid yet anyway. Best of luck!

Since you're a bridesmaid, I'm assuming you are close with the bride. Just call her up and let her know some things came up and, as much as you really wanted to go, it isn't possible right now. Honestly, even as far as pre-wedding events go, the engagement party is probably the least important. They're also often just casual house parties. If it's a formal affair with a cost for your plate, it may be a little more annoying for the bride. But even still, if you can't make it, you can't make it. I had out of state bridesmaids and I was legitimately shocked that they attended my bridal shower and bachelorette because I would have never expected them to travel.

Absolutely not unreasonable of you to cancel. She may be sad not to see you, but she should understand that something came up for you.

These things are definitely not mandatory so assuming shes a nice normal person lol, she'll understand

View Quoted Comment Absolutely agree. She may be disappointed, but surely she will understand. I would let her know ASAP though, as your absence may require her to tweak her planning (depending on the type of event it is).

Things happen, just let her know asap!

I don't think so.

i was an out of state bridesmaid too and i made it really clear along with the other bridesmaids, that because we were out of state and it was during a time before any vaccine, that things are not totally set on us coming to any of the festivities - it's really difficult to be able to travel these days with flights cancelling and delaying, etc and so we were really up front to the bride that there's a good chance that covid might keep us from coming.

Things come up and things just happen beyond our control. Just let her know the situation (if you are comfortable letting her know). And soon!!

You're fine not to go. Just let her know ASAP. I hope everything improves for you!

As others have said, let her know ASAP and (if you’re comfortable) share your reasons with her. If she’s a good friend to you, your health and safety should be more important to her than anything else.

I had at least one bridesmaid miss each pre wedding event and I was not even the slightest bit angry. They didn't invite my sister and I felt horrible because I only told them not to pressure her to come (she was worried about covid) and flat out didn't invite her. I wasn't mad and instead felt so bad that I made it seem like she didn't want to be included when I just didn't want her to feel guilty about not going.

Then there was a sick kid and and an out of state bridesmaid. I was honestly so overwhelmed touched that they even wanted to do events for me.

If she's a real friend, she'll be sad you missed it but never angry. Things happen.