Ordering two last names (no hyphen) or taking husband's name as middle name?

I just want to say that I took my Husbands last name and I am not his "property"... and I really don't care what year it is- that does not affect my position on this. That is the most ridiculous argument I have ever heard for not taking the last name of your spouse. I proudly took his last name to show that we are now a married couple and when we have children down the line we will all share a name. I think it is romantic and beautiful to share your name with your family.

What Sarahdell said! Lol

I think typically if you use your name and his last name, it's yourlastname hislastname. But with that, I think most people divert to just calling you by hislastname. So if you want to be called by your current last name, maybe do it hislastname yourlastname? I am just thinking about if you have children and their friends come over...they might call you Mrs. Hislastname instead of calling you by the whole thing. This is tricky! Good luck!!

My post was not directed to anyone particular - there were a bunch of ignorant comments along the same lines, questioning the OP about her choice and saying things like "why bother getting married if you're not going to change your name". At this point women should not be questioned on their choices regarding their name or have to defend themselves for not taking their husband's last name. There are many valid reasons for doing so and to suggest or imply that they are less married or less a family is ridiculous. This topic has come up a few times and I'm always shocked at the narrow minded and outdated views that some have.

Times are changing Rocky. You and your fiance should do what feels best for you. You have time to decide. Even after the wedding there's a lot of paperwork between you and a new name. I am silly and would go middle school style and write it over and over to see what looked best. I will be keeping my name as well and we have committed to figuring out the kid hurdle when it happens.

And in answer to your question, in my experience a name is alphabetized by the very last surname and the person is also called by the very last surname. So you will likely be Mrs. Smith.

I've always known I would hyphenate my name when I got married. When I first told FH that he was a bit miffed, but he understands that my maiden name is important to me.

Plus the fact that I'm a writer and I already have books published under my maiden name. So I will obviously be keeping it as my pen name and it'll just be easier to keep it somewhere in my legal name too. Plus I like the sound of them together. But I won't be bothered if people just call me by his last name.

My sister did the same, my cousin too, but she had her maiden name last and with my other cousin, her husband took our family name. So it really is each to their own

If you have two last names and no hyphen, you are likely to get called by your second last name. So if you would prefer that people call you by your maiden name when they are not using both, putting that one last makes sense.

Or you could use his as a middle name. But of course, middle names seldom get used at all. So if you want people ever to use his surname for you, Ashley Jones Smith (with Jones Smith as your legal surname) is probably your best bet.

I've never wanted to give up my last name--none of my father's siblings had sons that have our last name. Therefore, if I don't keep it, the name will die and I feel like that is a diservice to my family. I will either be hypenatiting my last name and/or we will both hypenate our names. My FH and I have talked about it and he's happy with whatever.

As far as having a different name as your children, that may have been an issue 15+ years ago; however, not anymore. I grew-up with a different last name then my mom and there was never an issue. With all of the divorce, children prior to marriage, etc, people don't assume everyone will have the same last name.

To me, changing your name doesn't make you any less in love or married and those making it seem otherwise on here need to get a grip on reality.

In your specific scenario, I feel like just adding his last name as a middle name/ before yours would be easier--if you really want to change the name. I think normally people default to calling you whatever is last if there's no hypen. If you're doing it to keep the tradition going in your family, you could always give your firstborn (son or daughter) your maiden name as their middle name.

I plan on take FH's last name. I was actually asked that question twice by his family members over the holiday.

100% whole heartedly agree about shockingly ignorant comments from people on this thread. I have a child from a previous relationship who shares my last name. I'm not changing my ln any time soon bc of this. Good to know I'll be "less married" and "should stay single". Also. I cannot stand when someone gets called out then stands (hides) behind "everyone has an opinion".

I don't understand why women want to keep their maiden name. I have nothing against it but was always raised to take on husband last name. My FH would be offended if I didn't.

What I don't understand is the difference between 2 last names and a hyphenated name? For example if I am Laura Jones Smith or Laura Jones-Smith, what's the difference?

Rocky, I am also having this debate internally. I have a son from my first marriage and want to continue sharing a name with him. But I also want to take my FI's name in some way.

However, regardless of what we end up doing, we will NOT be announced as Mr. and Mrs John Smith. I find that outdated. We could do John and Laura Smith.

I'm with Laura- totally not being announced as "Mr and Mrs His Name". No matter what I decide to do with my last name, I'll still have my own first name.

I'm a little surprised at how many people have described their FHs being offended by them considering not taking his name. My FH said "it's your name, you do what feels right" and we're tossing around the idea of both taking both names, it's just looking like it won't be that easy for him here.

I think the difference between hyphenated last name and two last names is that with a hyphenated last name you have to write the whole hyphenated name all the time (it's one word at that point), and two last names it's a little easier to use them independently of each other (that's my understanding at least)

I'm 36 and established. To change my name would be to be a huge annoyance. So for now, I still have my own. If we have kids, then I'll change it. If not, then I won't. Plus, my name is the easiest to spell, and his is crazy difficult/Polish. I like the ease of my name.

Changing your name is a personal choice. I am changing mine. No hyphenating, no moving my last name as a middle name. I too am established in my field and have women question why I was changing my name. I told them "When a woman changes her name, it's a personal choice." Also, it was important to FH that I take his name.

I don't have a middle name and I thought about hypening in FHs last name, but then I was talking about with him. He said he don't mind, it's my name, but he would really love if I did take his last name with or without completely dropping my maiden name. So, my huge thing is my FH is Tawainese and I'm Mexican (wouldn't believe me if you see me due to my mixture of spanaird (can't even spell it!) ). So, my last name would be a significant change- although when I say it-it actually sounds good! Plus, I like to have the same last name as our son and the rest of our children (if we get blessed again). My mom never took my dads last name and I never really thought to much of it until I read this! I think I'll ask her one day. Although, it really don't matter now- my parents been separeted for 12 years divorced 3 years (longest divorce probably ever).

So, I think I'm just going to drop my last name completely. I mean we have done everything out of tradition (to each their own), so I think this is the one thing I want to do. Plus, I have two brothers and 1 is already married with a son and his wife (SIL) and of course my nephew are carrying my last name. My other brother is still in college (19), so it'll be awhile before he even starts thinking long term relationships let alone marriage and family... So, my dads last name will be carried on

Christine, I read an article about that and it pointed out that it subtly displays that the man is still who he is and has gained a wife, whereas the wife is now seen as just his wife. I KNOW that's not how most people would see this on a surface level, but it struck a chord in me and made a lot of sense. I am still all of me and I too am gaining something from becoming part of a married couple.

And I don't mean that anyone else should or shouldn't do this or that it's wrong for other people. It just felt wrong for *me*.

I don't understand women who want to have a job or a career. I was raised that women stay home and take care of the kids, so now that I'm married I'm a house wife. My husband would be offended if I wanted to have a career.

^^not touching that with a 10ft pole. I currently can't drink...

Emily- Please tell me your not fucking serious right now.