Skip to main content

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

BreJá
Devoted April 2012

One Sided Wedding??

BreJá, on July 7, 2011 at 1:01 AM Posted in Planning 0 20

With our wedding 45 days away, I cant believe that I am being faced with the fact that my FH's children will not be able to be a part of our wedding. He has 3 children and each one has a role. His daughter being the FG and his sons being the RBs. They start school Aug 11th (for two days that week) then go back again the week of the 15th. Our wedding is the 20th and they live in Louisiana and our wedding is in California. LA has strict rules against children missing school and having legit reasons why there is such a gap in attendance. The major issue is that his children will be the only one on 'his side' that will be able to attend. His mother and brothers can't afford to fly out to CA and with us being active duty military, the likeliness of our fellow military friends being approved for leave to fly out is very slim. So, all of the guest we have coming are all from my side because we are having it in my hometown. I feel so bad that he won't have anyone to represent him. Any advice??

20 Comments

Latest activity by Mrs. Jaclyn Willson, on July 7, 2011 at 8:43 PM
  • Harley Quinn
    Expert May 2012
    Harley Quinn ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Hi Smiley smile because none of my family live in my state very few of my family members will be there. Out of 100 guests, maybe 10 are just mine... I really don't mind.

    As far as advice, just talk to him- as long as he is comfortable it really should not be an issue

    • Reply
  • Kimm
    Master October 2012
    Kimm ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    We are in the same position. FH will basically only have his daughters there and that is providing that his ex allows his youngest daughter to leave the state for the wedding. FH is from Mass and we are getting married in CA too and hoping that some of our mutual friends are going to be willing to fly out for the wedding. Other than that everyone at the wedding is going to be my relatives - but he has met them before at my son's wedding last year. But he is ok with this.

    • Reply
  • Wicked Lizzie
    VIP September 2011
    Wicked Lizzie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I have very few blood family coming it bothered me for a while but i got over it cant let it really get to me cause i get to marry my best friend. the ppl that mean the most to us will be there

    • Reply
  • Nicci
    Master July 2010
    Nicci ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I had more friends at the wedding then my husband did. For being in his hometown I also had more family. We couldn't let it bother us. Unfortunately if it were me I'd do whatever I could to have the kids there. Is there a way you can bump the date? My husband wasn't at his mom's 2nd wedding and to this day it still hurts him. He was 10. Just saying.

    • Reply
  • KRISTINA
    VIP June 2014
    KRISTINA ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Pretty much the same here. When asked who FH wanted at the wedding, he said his mom, dad, sister, brother and two of his aunts. I said "Is that all?" and he said "yes". I understand why (other family is doing his parents wrong - long story) and I respect that. When I asked about friends, he said one friend and his wife. That's it!! I haven't asked his mom for any family member suggestions yet, but I plan to and then will run her list by him to see if maybe he overlooked someone by mistake. But other than that, the rest of the guests will be for me. I feel bad, but he doesn't seem to mind so I am not letting it get to me.

    • Reply
  • BreJá
    Devoted April 2012
    BreJá ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    @nicci, we thought about bumping it up but I am actually really scared of changing the date. We still don't have a florist or photographer just yet...there are still little details to do but the biggest concern is the fact that he won't have anyone there. Yes, us getting married, my family becomes his but his children are his world and it pains me to know that they won't be there to be by his side for this. Maybe asking for advice was the wrong word to choose; I just wanted to know from others experiences with such a situation as this...any and all cases are welcomed!

    • Reply
  • Chesty LaRue
    Master August 2011
    Chesty LaRue ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Can you least afford to maybe fly his mom out??? Or go half with her on a ticket??? As for the kids when did you find out about the school thing? We are military as well and told our friends far enough in advance so they can put in for leave. We also notified my Hubby's out of country family way in advance so they can straighten out Visa issues and buy tickets. We booked transportation for our guest to and from the hotel. All that being said I guess my advice is to search your budget and try and do what you can to help his family attend. A wedding is about celebrating with family and the merging of the two families through your union. So cut out certain things, and really try to rework your budget.

    • Reply
  • Nicci
    Master July 2010
    Nicci ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Is the venue flexible? Would they be willing to work with you to bump it up to earlier in the month maybe right before school starts?

    I'm just trying to help. That way they'd be there. If he's ok with them not then just keep it. It's what the two of you want in the end.

    • Reply
  • Future Mrs.S
    Devoted July 2012
    Future Mrs.S ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Have you tried ringing the school? they only have one dad, Surely attending his wedding counts as special circumstances?

    • Reply
  • Shropshire2Davis
    VIP June 2019
    Shropshire2Davis ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I feel the same way as you do, the only family my FH will have there is his mom and his step family, All my family lives where I am right now, the only people that aren't possibly going to be there from my side are my friends from Arizona...

    • Reply
  • Christine
    Expert October 2011
    Christine ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I know what you mean. My family is driving from NY but the majority of his family is Nigeria, so chances of them attending are slim to none. We are having something very small but I told him to at least invite some close friends. I felt that it should not only be my side.

    • Reply
  • BreJá
    Devoted April 2012
    BreJá ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Their mother and him are looking into seeing if the kids can miss school. We gave everyone 6 months to plan their way here. They said they would be here and now all of a sudden they can't afford to fly out, as far as his family goes. He wanted his brother's to be his best men and groomsmen...now, nothing...@Chuwana, your input is the most logical one. I will discuss that with him tomorrow and see where we can make adjustments. Nothing is impossible. I guess it's the initial fear that is getting to me. We all dream of this day and to know that things won't go the way you plan is sorta devastating especially when it's out of your control.

    • Reply
  • Chocol8nv
    Devoted October 2012
    Chocol8nv ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Yeah I have to agree. My family is in NC and his is in FL, and I live in NV and he is moving here in Jan. SO we will be flying his parents out, and my mother. AS for my father thats another topic all together. I have alot of friends here and have told my family a year plus in advance so if they come they come, they dont they dont. I have issues with my family however so, dont mind me. I feel that the school will however make an acception they will just have to make up the work they missed.

    • Reply
  • Chesty LaRue
    Master August 2011
    Chesty LaRue ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Search expedia.com hotwire.com and other travel sites maybe you can get her a cheap flight. She may however have to deal with layovers but that ok. Also how far away are they? Can they take the Greyhound? Amtrak? Where there is a will there is a way. Your military you know we make something out of nothing. You said you havent booked a florist yet. How important are flowers to you? You can do a cheap simple and elegant centerpiece with candles. You can order a cheap bouquet from sams club or bunchesdirect.com. There are brides who are using paper flowers as a matter of fact Briana above just made a post about it. Think outside the box. For your photographer maybe you can book them only for the posed pics and let the guest take pics of the detail and the actual ceremony.

    • Reply
  • J
    Master November 2011
    J&R ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Definitely contact the school. While I admire their strict policy, I would think this should be one of the exceptions. Also keep your eye out for last-minute travel deals. It seems these days, the airlines offer them directly (e.g., not through Orbitz or Kayak.com, etc.), so maybe signing up for email alerts for his families' flights could result in a last minute surprise.

    You can only try. Don't feel badly if it doesn't work out, because the school, the military, the cost of airfare, and people's work schedules are just not things you can control.

    • Reply
  • Shannon S.
    Master March 2011
    Shannon S. ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I would either contact the school or try to budge the date. My high school boyfriend wasn't included at his dad's second wedding, and it STILL bothers him and drives a wedge in their relationship.

    As for me, my relatives are all either in Australia, rehab or heaven. I only had immediate family there. Since I consider my friends to be my family, it didn't bother me.

    • Reply
  • BreJá
    Devoted April 2012
    BreJá ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    @Chuwana, I was going to go with bridesign.com's 7 piece flower set and then DIY the center pieces and such to cut costs. Being in the mil, we have some good connections with the photography section here on base that is willing to do it for a good price. I know all the good deal sites for flights and such. His family is in Indiana and aren't the most well-living individuals. I talked to him about flying out his mother or brother and he said he'd talk to them about it. With it being this close to the wedding, I hate having to shift things around, but then again, that is what life is about; being flexible and doing what you need to do.

    • Reply
  • Jen P.
    Master January 2012
    Jen P. ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    If his family is all in that area, could you have another ceremony out there? It could be a scaled down wedding to the one you are already having or even just a private family ceremony..

    • Reply
  • BreJá
    Devoted April 2012
    BreJá ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    @Jen, no we can't. He got selected for Warrant Officer school and he leaves 2 weeks after our wedding for that. He will be in school for 6 months, then we are going to Korea :o(

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Jaclyn Willson
    Master April 2012
    Mrs. Jaclyn Willson ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I understand this too. I have a large family and all Fh really has is his mom, dad, sister, and brother, and their signifgant others. He has some other family out of state that I've never met before and he says we can invite them but highly doubts they will come. I hate that my side of the aisle will be more 'full' than his. I know he has some family friends they are gonna invite so that should help a little. I wish there were more people for his side.

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Explore how we embrace diversity

Groups

WeddingWire article topics