Older vs. Younger Marriages

I was married at 19 years old and am living proof that you should wait. Getting married that young took so much away from my life. You also change so much between the ages of 18 & 25! You'll be completely different people at the end of those years. If you do get married, be sure that the growing you do is together instead of apart. However, I would never recommend that anyone marry until they've figured out their careers and experienced life on their own, as an adult. You simply do not know yourself until you do that. That's my onion and I'm sure some won't agree. I'm much more confident and happy now in my second marriage. However, I'm still repairing the damage done by getting married at that age. I'm 36 years old and still in college because of it!

As a young bride, I would just like to put forth that not all of us have a head full of fairytales. Hard to believe, I know, but some of us are well aware of the exponentially higher rate of divorce amongst young couples. We know the odds are in your favor. We also know that as adults, we have the right to decide, alongside our FHs, when is the right time for us to marry. Thank you for the reading material and advice.

I was with you until you gave your sources. While I agree with what you said, and have experienced it myself, scholarly journals (of which there are PLENTY) would have been WAY more appropriate when trying to prove a point than a biased journalistic article.

I, too, am highly educated in the Psychology field, and the first thing that was drilled into my head in both undergrad and grad school was always use reputable sources.

@MNA I totally agree with you there. I found a lot of psychology articles from peer reviewers that I would have posted but wanted to make sure that people would understand it all the same.

The last article...."starter" marriages??? What?! That article was very difficult to get through

At 24, almost 25, I am definitely considered a young bride. I have had people tell me to wait. I have also had people encourage it. I have high school friends who have been married for 4 years and have multiple children already. I have been with FH for 5 years. It will be 6 when we marry. He is 10 years older than me. He used to always say that I would get sick of him, want to move on at some point. He said this knowing that I was young and would change a lot. To be honest, I thought the same thing! I still am surprised at how in love I am with him after 5 years lol And I know things could still change. But it also could work. My parents started dating in junior high, got married at 19, and have been married now for 36 years, happily. Yes it's rare, but it can work. Sometimes it does. And you have to let everyone make their own decisions and choices. That's the way life works

@Elphaba, a fascinating read and insight. I myself am getting married at 33 (FH at 39) having neither of us been married before. I can't tell you how many people are astonished that we haven't ever been married before...there clearly must be something wrong with us. Right?

I can also say, from our experience, being "not 22"...we have each learned to do things a certain way. So by 33 and 39, we've had to make room for each other and get "unstuck" in our ways.

As a PP noted, every marriage takes work. And no one knows the future. We make the very best decision -in any area of life- with the information (and feelings) that we have at a given time. Best wishes for us all!

I was married at barely turned 18............. 44 years later I don't regret a MINUTE of it and am more in love with my hubby than ever. BUT, I married with my head as much or more than my heart. If you are mature enough to look at the reality of life, love and marriage and have role models that have shown you that there is tough times that take solid work to get through and you have the determination to do that, you are ready because no matter what age you are marriage, life and happy ever after doesn't come easy.

I'm sorry, this is a different world now. Nineteen year olds who use, "My grandma got married at 16 and they were married for 60 years....."

Then is not now.

@Elphaba, I agree. I was married at 18. I believe my marriage would've lasted too, if it wasn't for his addictions. I actually have a few set of friends from h.s. who married young also and they're still together. I think it takes 2 strong people that will stand together and not let any outside influences ruin their marriage for it to work. All marriages have to have communication, commitment, support, trust, honesty, respect, and the list goes on for it to work! Not age!

I got engaged at 18. Broke that shit off at 19. It's adorable to imagine I thought I was ready! Now, here I am 10 years later, a completely different person with new goals, outlook, and taste. I'm so glad I never went through with one of the worst decisions of my life. I couldn't imagine...

@Midwest: That's something my mom would say. My parents got married when she was 16 and dad was 19.

Guess what?

It wasn't a good idea then, either.

She has abused him and mistreated him the entire 45-plus years they've been married, he is absolutely miserable and she has convinced him he could never find someone else. She, on the other hand, has cheated on him before and browbeats him because she knows she can gaslight and control him. According to her and from the outside, they look like a perfect, happy couple. From the inside, she's happy with how things are (after all, he works all day every day, had to return to work after retiring because of her spending and blowing through his retirement, AND he does all the housework), while he is absolutely miserable.

Just because you were one of the EXTREMELY rare cases doesn't mean it was a good idea back then, either. For every case like yours, there are 10 like my parents, who stayed together even though one or both were miserable. I know dad stayed for us, and ended up trapped. I wished a million times growing up that he would leave her and take us with him, because she certainly didn't treat us any better.

Just because it worked out for you doesn't mean you should encourage teenagers to make poor choices. I'm sure they all think they're choosing with their head and not their hearts, too.

I'm a firm believer that if you're getting married before 25, you're doing yourself a huge disservice. Live a little. Date other people.

I completely agree with everything Elphaba said.

I'm sorry but US Today is not a creditable source. I have my degree in Human Development and Family Studies and I don't disagree that young marriages are more likely to end in divorce, but at least give scholarly articles to back yourself up.

ETA: I am a 23 year old and I don't feel that I need to date around or party anymore and haven't since I was 21 (before I even met FH). My fiancé and I own a home, have college degrees, do really well in our fields, and will have our student loans paid off in the next 5 years. I dated a ton of guys and partied a a lot when I was younger and I wouldn't trade being with my FH for that lifestyle ever.

Also, YAAAAS elphaba! Important to note the difference between causation and correlation.

@soon2bemrs2017

I'm sorry but you're incorrect. This article was featured in USA Today and was written by an accredited psychologist. I use this article along with 7 others on my dissertation of developmental challenges of the young mind, which my professor agreed was a reputable source. I have my degree in developmental psychology and social work so don't patronize me.

My advice to people who insist on marrying young is at least try a trial period of living with them first. You really don't know someone until you live with them. I was engaged to someone who turned out to be abusive and I'm so glad I didn't go through with it. I could've ruined my whole life (and almost did). Honestly - if your love is so strong, then it's not going to hurt to wait a little while. Your love will be just as strong a few years later, and if it's not, then you did yourself a favor. Take it from someone who almost made that mistake.

I have a psychology degree too. Just wanted to chime in for that and to say that I, personally, wasn't ready for marriage prior to 30. Looking back, there was a lot of maturing that took place between then (20) and, well, then (30). Most of my classmates who were married before 23/24 are now divorced. I can only think of one couple that is still together.

@Midwest - You are one of an anomaly of your generation. I know very few people who were married in the 70s that young who are still married today. If they are, it's because "reasons", and they are married on paper. Women now are better equipped to be in the workforce than they were 30-40 years ago. They are also more likely to graduate with advanced degrees unlike our mothers and grandmothers (although not in my case). Divorce was not something that was societally acceptable and women who were divorced, even in the 80s were shunned in some parts of their circles.

So please remember all this when you are speaking of generations past. There are reasons now that women and men are making choices to marry at older ages.

@Spaz, people always comment on the brain not being fully developed until 25, so it does seem like the argument is about anyone under 25.