Oh the dreaded uninvited children issue :)

My issue is: isn't it considered rude to pick and choose which kids you want present? If you include a few, should you include them all?

Is it something you can comfortably afford? Have you asked your catering what a kids meal would cost?

I can't relate, really. But we just included kids and gave everyone a plus one, and so far a lot of people are leaving their kids and not bringing a date. But also, we ended up just sending out the invites to kids because the ones that are old enough to eat an adult dinner was a lot less per person than an adult over 21 with a bar tab, and the kids meals were only $9.99, so we didn't see it as a huge cost increase.

We haven't has anyone RSVP their kids who we not invited. But if we do I will call them and let them know that unfortunately at this time we are unable to accommodate the kids and that I understand if they will be unable to make it.

Luckily nobody traveling has kids that were not invited.

Ragan, it may be against etiquette, but I see it as- you select which other guests you want present, why would doing the same with kids not be okay?

It's awkward to have to call them and explain the kids were not invited, but you have to make the decision one way or another. Good luck.

Wow I don't know what to say. We have posted on our website that no children other than those serving in the wedding party are invited. We only had one person ask us why and we simply said this is an adult only event. From there we left it as if you come then you come and if you don't we understand. We also will have a seating chart so if someone brings a child they will be saddened that they have nowhere to sit and have no food.

It's ok to invite some kids and others if you're consistent - so for example, inviting just your nieces/nephews and first cousins is ok. If you're saying that First Cousin Bob gets to bring his 5 year old but First Cousin Frank doesn't get to bring his, you'll run into some family trouble most likely.

The way you did it sounds fine - it's up to you how strict you want to be on letting people know that their kids are not included on the invitation.

We can afford it if we get some more declines...FH's family is from all over the east coast and elderly so we aren't expecting a lot of his family to make it. However, I don't want it to be ALL of my family and their broods...that's awkward and unfair. The children who have been added on are too old for the kid's meals at our venue (the cutoff is 6) so they'll be charged as adults at $76 pp.

I do think it's rude of these people to RSVP for kids who weren't listed on the invite, however, I also think it's rude to pick and choose and only invite some children. It's one thing to have children in the BP there but if there are other non-BP kids there, and I were a guest who didn't get to bring my kids, I'd be unhappy. I'm of the mind that kids should be all or nothing (exception: BP).

The other issue is this particular second cousin who is bringing her 2 daughters...she has a sister who I'm not close with that we invited and she also has 2/3 kids that I'm SURE she will be adding to the invitation. LOL NOOOO

Hmm weird. So the catering is separate from your bar then? I'm only asking because if the $76pp is including the open bar, you really shouldn't be charged the same for a 17 year old kid vs a 40 year old man that is of drinking age.

Im glad this topic was brought up because I was thinking of not inviting all the kids in our families but wasn't sure how to handle it.

I totally get when people say only bridal party children, but unfortunately that's not an option for me because of my uncle...he has two kids in their teens who I am close enough to for them to receive an invite.

I just think it really is rude to not check with the bride or groom before adding your kids to the RSVP. Ugh.

The meal itself is $61pp and then we are adding top shelf liquor for $16pp. It's cheaper because our wedding is on a Friday and this is a sort of all inclusive venue. I'm not sure how much kids drinks are to be honest.

It's a slippery slope, really.

Yes, invite certain children, but when people come and see they weren't allowed to bring their kids, but someone else was, feelings are likely to get hurt. Just putting it from a guest's perspective.

ETA: Saw your other comment, and gotcha. I would think that kids drinks would just be included in the $61 since it'd be juice, pop, or water.

You have to decide if it's worth the hassle. Personally, I wouldn't worry about it but I invited kids.

@ragan - you're right, that is extremely rude on their part. I understand your conundrum but perhaps just prepare yourself to get a bit of side-eye from the folks who didn't get to bring their kiddos.

I'm just waiting on another cousin (I have so many) to RSVP and see how many of HER 5 children are coming. lol

I'm close to IDGAF, trust me.

So it sounds like the only children you invited are children in the wedding party or your first cousins, right? And then it's second cousins who are adding on children? This is not okay. $61 pp is a lot of money. And, for your guests who were not rude and only RSVPd for invited guests, they're going to get there and see kids and be upset that theirs weren't invited. It's a no win situation.

IMO, it's an awkward conversation but one you absolutely need to have. "Hi Cousin X, I got your RSVP -- I'm so excited you're joining us! Unfortunately, we are unable to accommodate our cousin's kids. Will you and Y still be able to make it?"

If you don't stop it, it's going to spin out of control.

That's a great idea!

I think it's kinda crazy to have to pay full price for say, 7-8 year olds who would likely still want kids menu type food. You did the right thing on your invites by not saying "and family" so you have every right to make the call and politely explain that you don't have the room for the children.