Officiant - Friend or Vendor?

Yeah....it's an elephant in the room thing.

Many things that get fucked up can't be fixed by them. It can only be fixed by us, if we know what to do.

@m :

Not all states have the same options as Colorado does.

It's not as easy in some places...

I'm a professional wedding officiant and I see both sides of the story. I marry couples every day - literally - It's my full time job. I perform civil ceremonies where I just sign the marriage license to make it legal all the way up to large, formal, personalized ceremonies. Many of small ceremonies are for couples on a budget that can't afford a large ceremony, or they are just making it legal today and might be having a larger ceremony later. I see everything. I've observed that many couples don't care as much about the ceremony as they do the party. Some people want a very, short ceremony and others want something more formal with friends and family participating. If you are on a budget, stick to it.

Some wedding officiants charge a lot of money for their services. What services do you actually need? I have 6 different packages to fit every budget and I also have a website filled with ideas and pre-written ceremonies. I've gathered the information from all over the web. The actual ceremony information is the same on most websites. The readings, the scripts. If you research you can find one that works for you. There are no real rules. A lot of couples don't know what's involved in a ceremony and you don't know until you ask or look for the information. You can do this yourself, if you want to. If you don't want to do it yourself, hire someone to do it. Be aware that just because you hire a professional it doesn't mean they will do it better then a friend or family member. I have been hired, more then once, because there were so many pastor's in a family the couple couldn't choose one and they were closet athiests and didn't wan't a religious ceremony so they hire me to perform a secular ceremony and take the fall for them!

A wedding in a restaurant with 40 guests is a small wedding, it's intimate. What do you and your fiance want? Are you fun and easy going? If yes, a friend or family member may be perfect for you. Are you looking for something much more formal? Hire a pro. Often, couples come to me and make it legal and then go have a party with friends and family so they can avoid the stress of a ceremony. I've actually had couples come to me to have an intimate exchange of vows so they can go put a show on for friends and family.

Often we have a pre-conceived idea of what it should be vs. what it can be. It can be anything you want it to be. My goal is to make sure every couple I marry is comfortable and in the moment and enjoying their ceremony. If they don't remember the actual ceremony I want them to at least remember the feeling. <3

I hope you are able to make an informed decision and your wedding is everything you dream of.

I just officiated a small destination beach wedding that was scheduled for tomorrow but we moved it up because it was likely to get rained out tomorrow evening. I checked the license to make sure the effective date was correct (in FL a license has 3 dates -- issued, effective, expiration). They were not FL residents, so should not have had a 3-day waiting period, but the clerk at the county courthouse entered Sept. 1 as the effective date. Fortunately, the couple caught the mistake and got it corrected before leaving the courthouse.

Believe me, there are all kinds of problems that can arise with marriage licenses. I've seen them with first and middle names in the wrong order and with names misspelled. The couples should have gotten their licenses corrected BEFORE leaving the courthouse.

Friends marrying you is great and makes it super special! I think the are just talking about photographers, DJ's and having your family help with a potluck wedding(big no no) Having a friend marry you is pretty common

I was all for it...untill I attended a wedding where they had a close friend officiate. The same friend I considered. Considering it was his second wedding, he by no means does this a lot. Let me tell you, had that been my ceremony, I would have been SO dissapointed. He basically winged it!!!! Didn't really prepare anything at all. It was nice and all...but def. not what I would want. I can't imagine how I would act towards him aftre that!!!! I am so glad my officiant has YEARS of experience and knows exactly how to handle whatever comes up! Hire a pro. This is one of the most important parts and you will remember it for ever!

Thanks, Victoria. I am really impressed with your response. If you were closer, I would want to meet you. After this discussion, I am definitely leaning towards hiring a professional, mostly because I don't want to stress out any of our friends.

I am still stunned by the condescending remarks from some on this thread, because I thought we had moved past this. Judith, sorry: comparing officiating a wedding to brain surgery is ridiculous, as is portraying worst-case scenarios as inevitable, and assuming that my "college drinking buddy" would be officiating. (For the record, I don't drink, and my friend in question is 20 years my senior who has done other weddings in the past, though she is not a professional.)

Again, I really appreciate the thoughtful responses.

My aunt is marrying us, and my uncle is walking me down the aisle. she is a minister at a local "unity" church (non-denominational) and he has been the solid male figure for my entire life.

I cannot wait.

I'm going to add that if she weren't an ordained minister, I would go for a professional. I just love that I'm able to have a pro in the family. <3

I don't understand this having a friend marry you. Where I live its next to impossible to have someone else marry you. You have to prove beyond reasonable doubt that not a single JP is available to perform ceremony and then the person you get has to meet a huge list of criteria.

Yes you could have a friend stand beside the JP(or minister) and say some words but the JP actually has to say the important stuff and then sign the certificate.

Maybe it's better this way? This way you don't have to worry about your uncle/cousin/friend messes up the whole thing and you aren't married.

You spend $$$$$$$ on a wedding and the only thing that actually matters that day is truly being married and that's where you skip getting a pro

Just remember if you have a friend or family member ordained online, the ceremony is not legally binding, because they do not meet New York State requirements. NYC is the only exception to this.

I have an article on my web site that notes the couples who have been declared never legally married and the 2 cases that are currently working their way through the NY courts system.

http://www.churchofancientways.org/articles/validity-online-ordinations-long-island/

Read the court cases, ask your lawyer, and do what is right for you. On these boards you will get many opinions. I recommend looking at facts.