Officiant - Friend or Vendor?

Of the ~10 weddings that I have been to in the past 3 years, only 1 was officiated by a professional. The other ~9 were beautiful ceremonies delivered by close family members or friends. My husband actually officiated 3 of them. They took a lot of work, but he was so honored to be part of their day. We had a friend officiate ours and she really brought in our love story. Multiple people came up to us afterwards to comment on our ceremony and how they really felt like they got to know us. Our friend is a very confident public speaker and was up to the task. My husband wanted to ask his best friend to officiate, but I vetoed that because he is not a good public speaker and is a procrastinator..

So long story short- asking someone to officiate your wedding is a big undertaking. There are some books that can guide you through the ceremony writing process. Only ask someone that is good with completing tasks on time and is very, very comfortable with speaking in front of crowds.

And to be fair, not all of the ceremonies were perfect. One was officiated by the bride's dad and he cried multiple times during the ceremony (awkward). And one was clearly not rehearsed at all and had a lot of awkward pauses and no one knew what to do (when to do the sand ceremony, ring blessing, etc).

We're having a family members do ours he's great and the best part is he came to us

My stepbrothers grandpa officiated his and sister in laws wedding, and it was lovely. We hired a woman officiate for ours who is absolutely awesome!

My life principle: Hire someone you can demand reimbursement from if things go south. That means someone you're not emotionally invested in. It's called being a pro.

If its not formal and you truly dont care about little mistakes then go for it.

Our officiant is also my mom's cousin. He's done a lot of weddings (over 100) and was very helpful on a lot of things. He knows the best order to do things, he knows the laws of the county/state, he will be sending in our marriage certificate, and he's very well spoken.

Honestly, I would not feel comfortable trying to make a ceremony from scratch.

My uncle will be officiating our 40 guest wedding. I like the idea of having someone who is close to the bride/groom as opposed to a stranger since we don't belong to a church (nor are we religious) and he is very honored.

However, I would only suggest this if you have someone who works well under pressure, is comfortable with public speaking, and can handle emotions (won't cry at the ceremony). I believe my uncle is capable of all of this which is why we asked him. If I didn't have someone like than then I'd hire a professional.

Listen to Celia... She does this every day so she knows what she's talking about

The issue with friendors is the aspect that if something goes wrong, it isn't just something you write a bad review over and move on- it could impact a friendship, especially if it is something where legal action may be needed.

We happen to be friends with our officiant, but he is also our preacher.

I've been to a wedding where the friends got ordained and the ceremony was amazing. That grooms sister had her FH brother be officiant.. he was awful. It can go either way, but I'd hire a pro

We had my childhood friends' aunt do our ceremonies. It came in handy when I needed and emergency wedding for my terminally ill father. I called her up and said I needed help, she replied " I will be there". She made it very personal for us.

We are having a friend. He has done about 6 other weddings, one of which we attended and loved!

My sister had my cousin's husband, who she and her FH had become very close to, officiate their wedding, and it was awesome. He surveyed people they are close to, interviewed friends and family, and put together an extremely heartfelt, PERSONAL ceremony. So I think if you have someone you and FH are close to, who has done a good job for others in the past, and who would want to do it, go for it. Yes, professionals are great, that's what they do, we get it. But there's something to be said for having some you know and love do your ceremony.

I was going to have a friend officiate our wedding until I read this advice on here....

This is literally the only part of the day that matters. If something goes wrong with the dress, the pictures, the food, whatever, you're still married. If something goes wrong with the officiant, you might not be.

2ndTime -- why would you accuse Celia of introducing "snark"? You say you're justified because "Snark = starting your post with faux questions, which indicates condescension." Really? Well, let's break down the conversation, and then we can all decide if she was being snarky or answering your question:

YOU: "Any reasons why I should really look for a professional instead?

CELIA: "Because they are professionals? Because they can talk you off the ledge when you don't know where to put the sand or how to fix a screwed up license or how to put the processional together? Because a ceremony that is cobbled together from chunks of internet prose is not a personal ceremony? Because you don't want them to flake at the last minute?"

If you decided to focus on her punctuation -- the dreaded, snarky question mark -- instead of the missing declarative period -- then I guess your mind is made up. If you're asking a sincere question, why not focus on her words instead of her choice of punctuation?

Yes, you may believe Uncle Whomever did a great job officiating at your brother's wedding, and maybe a majority of the guests agreed -- and maybe they weren't as impressed as you were (and those same guests will look you right in the eye and say he did a great job -- regardless of whether they were moved or not). Are you willing to admit that you may have gone into the ceremony with a prejudiced opinion of how expertly this amateur handled the ceremony? You love Uncle Whomever, so there is no doubt that you did not hold him to the same standard to which you would have held a professional, expensive officiant. It might have been charming. It might have been homey, cozy, and family style, but I doubt it was flawless. You didn't see or hear the flaws because love covers the errors, the pauses, and the mistakes, but I can almost guarantee that guests who don't love (or even know) Uncle Whomever never shed a tear. They heard every unplanned pause, ever inflection error, and they saw his nerves.

It takes a special kind of professional to sit with a couple and ask the right questions that will lead him/her to truly grasp a visceral understanding of the relationship the two share. Whether they've been together for two years or 15 years, a true pro will be able to mine the relationship and create a text that will not only suffice, but will move and surprise the guests. Professional officiants are faced with texts based in Dr. Seuss, the latest cinema blockbuster, whatever online gaming addiction the pair shares, poetry by Emily Bronte, or religious texts that cover the spectrum from Pantheism to Fundamentalist Christianity. The professional speaks with confidence and she/he has the talent to make any of those diverse arenas touch the guests -- right in their hearts. The couple? A true pro will take their collective breath away.

A gifted officiant does what the average individual cannot -- even if the average individual has known one half of the couple since they were in diapers.

If you want your ceremony to be more than the legal prelude to the big ass reception -- if you want your ceremony to be the conduit that not only touches every individual in attendance, but also becomes a mirror that reflects the best and most sacred parts the couple -- both individually and as a unit -- then you are well advised to hire a highly rated professional with exceptional people and writing skills.

If you're happy to pass up a once in a lifetime opportunity, ask Uncle Whomever to perform your ceremony. In time, nobody will remember what he said, but you'll still be married.

My FH and I are having a friend marry us but we all go to the same church where our officiant is a Reverend at. We will be doing premarital classes with him as well. I am comfortable with having a friend/family member be the officiant for us.

My cousin got married yesterday and her husbands little sister officiated their ceremony and it was really really special. She became a Justice of the Peace specifically for this occasion (can't be temporary/one day in NH) and I think it's something she will continue to do. It was her first ceremony so the beginning was a little shaky, but she was also emotional because it was her big brothers wedding day! I thought it made the day and it fit the couple perfectly. I'm sure in some situations it's not the best idea and a professional would definitely be a better choice, but this "friendor" situation worked for my cousin and her husband!

I can't admit to any prejudiced opinion about "Uncle Whomever," because as I said in my second post, I am not asking "Uncle Whomever." He did an excellent job, but he isn't even going to be invited to my wedding. I actually think he is a jerk, but I have to admit he did a nice ceremony. The "happy tears" were in reference to a friend's wedding. I didn't even know the officiant personally at that one.

I also explained that I am not having a "big ass reception." I am planning an intimate reception, as an alternative to simply getting eloped. My first plan was to go to city hall. This smaller wedding is an attempt to have close friends and family there too.

I respect Celia's informed opinion, but it is of course a biased one, since her profession depends on people choosing to hire officiants rather than using friends or family. That's fine. She has still made some great points that I am thinking about and I am grateful she responded.

And once again, I did not have my mind made up when I posted. I understand that such a thing happens a lot here and people are quick to bash others for that. I was not bothered by the content of what Celia said, but by the tone. Perhaps I misread it, since she didn't seem to feel she was being snarky. Okay. Haven't we moved on?

Thanks to all those here who have posted their experiences.

A few weeks ago, I went to a wedding where the couple asked a friend to officiate. This guy is very confident and funny, but he made an inappropriate butt joke in front of the children and grandmas. I got the impression that this couple cared more about the reception than the ceremony. The groom literally rickrolled everybody during the vows, after the bride was in tears getting through hers. He talked about how he's never going to give her up, let her down, etc. If you go the friend route, at least write up a contract and pay them so that they can be held accountable.

My grandfather is doing mine and I honestly wouldn't have it any other way. (-: He's done them before which helps too! Hope your wedding is perfect 2ndTime, no matter who you have do it.<3

My DH's good friend officiated ours...he's officiated many weddings before and we couldn't think of anyone better (he knows us very well as a couple). The ceremony turned out very nice and we loved every moment of it. We gave him a nice gift and he was of course invited to our reception.

Wow, Natalie, that's awful! I would be so frustrated with my FH if he did something like that. That is reminding me to talk about vows with FH before we get up there, too! Thanks for sharing that.