NWR: splitting holidays between families

Side note: my whole family will be together this Christmas for the first time in 12 years so I'm definitely not not going to be with them.

Who is her/she?

Sorry FMIL

Edited: she is FMIL.

Every year we go through this. Imagine splitting it with custody of an 8 year old my family wants to spend time with us and stepson, his family wants to spend time with us, we go to church, one likes to do brunch on that day and open gifts, and then a big get together at his families. So I understand. Don't stress, do it as you planned, I'm assuming it's your mom? It will all work out.

I'm assuming you're talking about your FMIL? She can be upset but at the end of the day, how you and FI spend holidays is completely up to you and your spouse. Me and H have to split holidays among 4 households and make it work. You have to figure out how to split the time and sometimes it means that you end up missing a house/having to see the family on a different day/having to spend a little less time at one house vs another.

FW and I always split days. Sometimes we're at four different houses in one day for the holidays. This year for Thanksgiving we're not even going home to see them but I know Christmas will be hectic running around.

We do Christmas Eve day and Christmas Day with my family, and Christmas Eve night and Christmas night with his. It's lots of running around, but it works for now. I think what you suggested in normal for families that live close. She sounds a little upset no one came to visit her in Florida and she wants to make up time.

Well, I think it's great that you're making the time to see FMIL on Christmas Eve day. I'm not sure why she's concerned about Christmas, since she's not even available to see you on Christmas day this year. I think that's all you can do to accommodate her this year. Maybe next year she will have X-mas day off, and be able to spend time, but I'm in your boat - my family's tradition is to spend Christmas Eve night together and that is non-negotiable. We always spend Thanksgiving with his family, but it doesn't hinder our time around Christmas because his family celebrates the day of. Perhaps you can make some sort of arrangement like this?

She lived in Florida with her husband and then moved back and left him there. They're not divorced but she's pressuring him to move back with her but her husband, FH dad refuses. FH has been down there every year right around the holidays or on the holidays so she doesn't have a reason to be upset about that. She also could have flown back here too but she didn't want to.

Our families are 6 hours apart. We haven't spend Christmas with my family in 5 years. We usually end up driving there Boxing Day and spending 2-3 days. This year we leave the 23rd after work/school and FH and I will come home December 28. The kids will come back January 5. My oldest son will be with his dad for a week and youngest with my parents

Who does she think she is?!

Nobody, absolutely NOBODY dictates my life. DF and I make decisions like this together, and we sure as hell don't let a third party decide them for us.

If you and your FH are on the same page, stick to your plans and screw her. She can get glad in the same pants she got mad in.

I don't negotiate with emotional terrorists.

She needs to be grateful that both families are so close. That makes it so easy. Your split is perfectly reasonable and I'd kill for that set up. We're going to DH's parents' for Christmas and not even spending "Christmas" with my aunt and cousins until February after we take the bar....

Yeah my family is divorced so I've always had to split the holidays between them, now with FHs family it's three different holidays in one. It's difficult but everyone understands that we need to make time for everyone, not just one part of the family. Someone needs to put a foot down with your FMIL

I think what you have planned sounds fair. To calm her down, maybe you can promise to reverse it for next year?

No matter how it's worked out, as people get married and have children, there is no way to be there for every holiday with everyone and we all just do the best we can.

FH and I agreed early on that we would switch on and off between families for Christmas and Thanksgiving. If we do Thanksgiving with my family we do Christmas with his. It's what works for you and FH. Sure, it's a bummer to not spend holidays with my family, but they are going to have to understand that we are going to be with his family too. The same with your FMIL. You are joining two families together. Figure out what works for the two of you and do that.

On a side note, the most frustrating thing about Christmas with my FHs family is that once gifts are opened everyone goes their own way. It's so weird. Christmas was always about family being together when I was growing up, so to just separated all day it's crazy to me. Also, our first Christmas together his sister (who is almost 25) threw a fit because the boots she ordered herself were half a size too small. Screaming, crying, the whole nine yards. That almost ended our Christmas with his family very quickly lol

AHHHHH YES @MNA! Somebody who knows exactly how I'm feeling about this right now!!! I can't even begin to explain how miserable she is. Not to be mean but everything, literally everything revolves around her and if she doesn't get her way it's meltdown central. This shouldn't even be an issue, FH and I decided what to do and she flipped out!!! Sorry I'm trying to compromise but she's mad that she doesn't get to spend the whole day with us.

I hate splitting holidays. H and I both come from divorced families, so that's an extra layer of running around.

I read the text she sent me and my response to FH this morning he goes "thank god you finally stood up to her". She walks all over me and I've been letting her but not anymore. I'm drawing the line. My family hasn't been together for 12 years so she's not about to impose herself on that!