Non-traditional out-there idea: Small ceremony, followed by large family/friend vacation

Only invite whomever you cannot imagine the day without to the wedding (ceremony and reception). Because the wedding is not the only event you will host in your married lives, arrange an annual family reunion picnic at a local park or community center that everyone contributes to at a later date that is not associated with the wedding for everyone else.


Keep in mind that while some people will insist otherwise, many people do get upset when they are asked to celebrate a wedding ceremony that they were never invited to. Being invited to an anniversary party? Great! Being invited to a reception for a ceremony that had a limited guest list? Not great, because that is considered tiering your guests by levels of importance.

Are your families used to family vacations? Are they families with young kids or mostly adults? Is Cabo close to where you all currently live (west coast)? If you suggest a destination trip, then you would still be considered the host and therefore plan best dates for everyone, accommodations, and activities for the week. You'd still pay for something, but maybe not everything. So yes, your wording to express intent making others' vacations about you but w/o a wedding would have to be specific. Good luck to you.

Eloping w/just you two + 2 witnesses may be the most accepted option w/o hurting your loved one's feelings. Otherwise as Michelle writes, this is a tiered celebration.

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I think I should have worded things differently. The vacation we plan to do is not a wedding reception, it is just a vacation. No wedding type of activities will be taking place. So in a sense, it is like an anniversary party or an annual family reunion that you have mentioned(: The ceremony will only be parents, siblings and grandparents. That is tiering our guests, but also there has to be a cutoff when you have such a large family and I would hope people would understand that lol

View Quoted Comment If the vacation has nothing to do with the wedding, I don’t see the need to mention anything about it to those not invited to your ceremony. Simply have your small immediate-family-only wedding and leave it at that. People have small, intimate weddings all the time. If anyone questions why they weren’t invited, simply state you decided to have immediate family only. Then, when things settle down after your wedding, you can organize a separate non-wedding vacation.

However you spin it, this is your one and only wedding related celebration. Inevitably there will be loved ones who will feel pressured or will even sacrifice unreasonably to attend. IMO a true vacation is something you plan with, not for others.


In general there’s nothing wrong with a larger delayed celebration of marriage. But here people are not only NOT being invited to see you get married but are asked to spend unreasonable amounts of time, vacation days and money to go on a trip at a time and place and with travel companions of your choice, not theirs. Again, sorry to say, that’s not a vacation.
What you’re really doing is shifting costs of a wedding celebration to your guests. Cheaper by far for you, but not with anyone else’s convenience in mind. IMO that’s not appropriate.

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What's IMO mean lol

View Quoted Comment In my opinion.

I agree with everyone saying to just have your small wedding with immediate family, maybe just a ceremony and then a nice dinner, and treat the vacation as a completely separate event that has nothing to do with your wedding. If you’re “inviting” people to Cabo, you are putting yourself out as the host and dictating the terms of the trip, which means you should be hosting (read: paying for) at least some meals, activities, etc while you’re out there. It sounds like that’s exactly what you’re trying to avoid. That is different than starting an email chain with both of your families saying wouldn’t it be fun to go on a big trip together now that we’re one big family? Who’s in? And then go from there to determine where everyone wants to go, what everyone’s budget is, stuff like that so you’re just the one making a suggestion, not inviting people to a big international event that you ultimately will be making them pay for.

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So you want your family to take the money and time on a one-week (presumably) international vacation to not actually celebrate anything? I would think about what you're realistically asking of people. If there will be no wedding type of activities, you're literally just asking people to vacation at the same time as you? I don't see many people wanting to do this unless Cabo is a usual vacation spot for them during a time that aligns with their schedules.

Agree with everyone else about just sticking to a small ceremony.

View Quoted Comment It’s all semantics. Of course a trip two weeks after OPs wedding is meant to be in celebration of her marriage. She herself is framing it as a way to avoid paying for an large expensive reception! Unfortunately, you can’t (not) have your cake and eat it too.

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If I was invited on a vacation two weeks after someone's small ceremony that I was not invited to, with no mention of wedding activities - no, I would not think it was in celebration of their marriage. Because that would be odd and incredibly rude. If they want to celebrate their marriage with their friends and family then they should invite them to the ceremony.

View Quoted Comment There is nothing wrong with asking a question for answer you don’t know, just as going non traditional is not wrong or shameful. Nor does it make any sense to invite relatives you don’t even know just to make someone else happy. But this is an etiquette forum dedicated to navigating how to make sure all guests are comfortable and not inconvenienced or offended in any way. A host going out of their way to not make guests feel comfortable is where the judgement, if any, comes in. What you are describing is the post-Covid accepted by many, though traditional etiquette followers don’t agree because so much decorum was tossed out as “archaic and unnecessary” post-Covid despite it serving the purpose that etiquette has been known for since its inception. A lot of what was considered “unacceptable” pre Covid has become standard or accepted now.


If your parents see no issue, then awesome. But don’t include anyone else in the guest list because they may not share the same opinion, and it’s polite to not tell the hosts when something upsets you because you will decline instead.

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I agree with this response. There are lots of logistical issues with planning large group vacations, but if you remove the emotion of "wedding" from it, it will be so much easier for you to plan and for invitees to accept or decline based on their own budgets, availability, and vacation plans.

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Why don't you just own your smaller wedding, maybe plan a honeymoon for only you and your FI? Beware of involving parents in wedding planning. They will always (guilt) push for a family reunion/ wedding of old days and leave the couple to coordinate all the money, logistics, and emotional burden.