IdahoBride
Devoted July 2018

No thank you cards (vent)

IdahoBride, on July 16, 2017 at 4:49 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 71

This has nothing to do with my wedding but I was just talking to my FH and last summer we went to a wedding for a friend and got the couple a nice gift. This was over a year ago and we never got a thank you. Now that I am planning my own wedding it really irks me. I've always been the type of person...

This has nothing to do with my wedding but I was just talking to my FH and last summer we went to a wedding for a friend and got the couple a nice gift. This was over a year ago and we never got a thank you. Now that I am planning my own wedding it really irks me. I've always been the type of person that writes thank yous for EVERYTHING. Just a vent that was bugging me.

71 Comments

  • T
    Just Said Yes August 2017
    Tracey ·
    • Flag
    True story: I took 8 months to write my thank you notes...

    It is because my mom died shortly before my wedding, which I had wrote all the funeral thank you notes for. Writing our thank you notes and looking through the photos in which she was not there brought back feelings of grief. This wasn’t related to being lazy or ungrateful.

    It is definitely not my proudest moment; and my mom probably rolled in her grave as she raised me to promptly send thank you cards - but you truly don’t know what people are going through- so while you may scoff at a thank you coming late or not at all... please consider there could be other causes for delay.

    • Reply
  • Jeleebeenz
    VIP September 2015
    Jeleebeenz ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Please don't assign immediate blame to the MOB. My best friend writes the most beautiful and heartfelt notes when thanking people for gifts. She impressed this on her own children. Her oldest daughter decided not to do thank you notes after her shower and wedding. My friend was so embarrassed and beside herself that her daughter would do this. Their youngest daughter wrote very beautiful and timely thank you notes for her shower and wedding, just as she was taught.
    It seems quite harsh to automatically assign blame to someone who could be quite innocent.
    • Reply
  • Lucca
    October 2020
    Lucca ·
    • Flag

    We attended an out of state wedding for our niece four months ago, (December).

    We were happy to be a part of her big day.

    We have not yet received a thank you note, and feel a little disappointed as we had given a very large monetary gift.

    Thank you for any advice.

    Kathy






    • Reply
  • Annemarie
    Devoted October 2019
    Annemarie ·
    • Flag

    A girl whose wedding we went to a couple weeks ago, told me she was about to send out her thank you cards. Now, she personally thanked me while they were at dinner using the gift card we gave them. I have not received a mailed thank you and I think she doesn't think she needs to send one since she texted me while using the gift saying thank you. I personally think she should still send one, but I'm not holding my breath.


    My fiance's sister never sent us a thank you after we traveled to her destination wedding (18 hours in a car each way because it was nowhere near any airports) and brought her gifts. I found it to be horribly rude considering all the time and effort we put into it.


    That same sister also didn't sent thank you cards after her baby shower. We got into an argument a little later (essentially me trying to solve whatever problem it is she has with me and her blowing it epically out of proportion and denying she hates me even though she treats me like dog poop and dragging her entire family into it for dramatic effect) and I ended up telling her that yes, it hurt our feelings on both occasions that we got her heartfelt gifts and she never so much as said thank you. I told her I found it incredibly rude.

    Well, about a week later a typed, generic to every guest, thank you card that she scribbled her first name at the bottom, showed up in our mailbox. I am 100% confident that my FMIL made these after my FSIL went off about me saying something, and when FMIL realized she hadn't ever sent them, she got embarrassed and tried to fix it.


    It IS rude not to send thank-you cards. And I honestly only barely thought that generic, typed thank-you was better than no thank-you at all. Might as well just hand it to everyone before you even open the gifts.

    • Reply
  • Kelsey
    Just Said Yes March 2020
    Kelsey ·
    • Flag
    Honestly, I’m so surprised that people still write thank you notes. I’ve attended 4 weddings and never received a thank you note but I also didn’t expect one. Like it never crossed my mind that I should get one. I would never imagine writing thank you notes for a funeral either.

    I can see how it would be a nice gesture to receive one but in this day and age, it’s a waste of paper & money. There are so many forms of communication, that a mailed letter is outdated. I also feel like the people saying that it’s rude and they were hurt by not getting one seem very stuck up or snobby.
    • Reply
  • Cassandra7
    Super August 2006
    Cassandra7 ·
    • Flag

    Miss Manners says that when gratitude goes out of style, generosity goes out of style. I wouldn't give a baby gift to someone who didn't send a prompt (two to three weeks), thoughtful thank-you note for the wedding gift.

    • Reply
  • Cassandra7
    Super August 2006
    Cassandra7 ·
    • Flag

    Miss Manners: "If they declare gratitude outdated, they must also declare generosity outdated. If a present is received in silence, you may assume it did not please the recipient and not repeat your attempt."

    "…let us assume that people who ignore presents find it a burden to receive them. Therefore, the most tactful response would be to stop sending them."
    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Super September 2019
    Meghan ·
    • Flag

    This happened with my cousin's wedding. Me and FH went, my parents didn't but sent a monetary gift. She posted on FB complaining about how long writing thank yous was taking but neither us nor my parents ever got a Thank You card. If it was just one of us I'd assume it got lost in the mail or something but for both of us? Seems a little weird. But what are you gonna do?

    • Reply
  • P
    October 2018
    Patsie ·
    • Flag

    My sister's grandson and his bride had a very large and expensive wedding. They received many very nice gifts. Although I didn't attend, I sent a gift. None of us ever received a thank you, not verbally, not even an email.

    • Reply
  • Ivory
    Dedicated August 2024
    Ivory ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Also, love how the mother gets the blame but the father doesn't, because it's okay for men to not teach their children etiquette, but women naturally know these things *sarcasm*
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Send the card as soon as you get the gift. And open any wrapped gift as well - you want to make sure it’s not broke, etc.
    • Reply

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