no reception!

We don't like being the center of attention, so there is some anxiety around cutting a cake in front of everyone and neither of know how to dance at all, plus it would be at a church and I really don't know if they even allow dancing. I'm not sure what would fill up the time at a reception with only finger foods if there is no dance floor?

I don't know that it represents anything other than a celebration with your friends and family of your new lives together. If you can't afford a reception there are ways around spending a lot of money. You can rent out a cheap place (public park, VFW Hall, etc) and have a potluck! Maybe have someone cater the main meats or something and have folks bring side dishes. I've seen a few weddings done like this and they were fun and relaxed.

You don't have to hire a DJ, just do an ipod reception or go old school and burn a few disks of the music you want in a certain order and push play! You could easily put together a super inexpensive and fun reception if you put your mind to it! Plus there are tons of DIY stuff that you can do to decorate...or skip the decorations! Or hit up the Dollar Store and grab some crepe paper and go crazy!

You really should not invite people to the ceremony who you don't plan on inviting to celebrate with you. If you can only afford to have immediate family, then that's all you should invite to the ceremony.

Where are you having the ceremony? Is it at a church? Is there anyway you could use their fellowship hall for a simple cake and punch reception following the ceremony? That would be pretty inexpensive, and people will feel like they got to celebrate with you and congratulate you, etc.

It kind of screams- give us a gift but we won't feed or party with you.

Do a cake and punch reception at the least.

FYI- you don't need an expensive and impressive cake either. You could make several cheesecakes, brownies, cookies and sheet cake with a small decorated cake for you and FH to cut.

Throughout our wedding planning process, I have had to come to accept that weddings are not just about the bride and the groom. Weddings are a big deal to not only the couple getting married but also to the couple's families and close friends. A wedding is a rite of passage that many people close to you will want to take part of with you.

I don't know anything about your family, but my family and my FH's family are beyond excited that we're getting married. If we told them that we didn't want to have a reception to celebrate, I actually think that we'd crush them.

That being said, there's no reason to spend money that you don't have on your wedding. If you can only afford to have a cake at the church, that's fine. You don't need to dance or have anything else, but it may be nice to give those closest to you a chance to celebrate your marriage with you. A potluck reception in a park may also be nice.

Agree with Sunshine - you can keep things very simple by doing a midafternoon reception with punch, coffee/tea, finger foods (from Costco, even!) and cake. It doesn't even have to be especially long - just a couple of hours to give everyone a chance to congratulate you.

We are having the ceremony at my church, which will already be decorated for Christmas. I can use the fellowship hall, which is also already fully decorated for the church's Christmas dinner. That was my original plan, and I wanted to do cupcakes so I could skip the cake cutting. I don't have a problem with it being big or small because its not costing us anything to use the church so I don't think it matters how many people come. However, I can't get my FH on board with more guests. He does not want a reception at all and I don't have a good argument as to why we should have one because I just don't know that much about weddings. His thinking is that we stay after the reception until everyone leaves to thank people for coming and not tell anyone we are going out to eat. I don't feel robbed of a reception but I don't want to have disappointed guests either. I guess bottom line, both sides of the story make sense when they are arguing their side so I'm confused as to whats OK.

A potluck, that is a great idea. Any suggestions on how to make sure there is enough food by doing it that way?

Go to Costcos or Sams.....Get loads of easy finger foods for a cheap price. Cook it all at home. The church might have chaffers you could use to keep the food warm, or if you know someone that works for a restaurant, they often have chaffers as well, maybe they will let you borrow them. Paper plates, napkins and silvware. Easy and lots of food to go around.

There are a few different ways that you can plan a potluck. In the invitations, you can say something along the lines of "You are cordially invited to a potluck reception to celebrate the marriage of Shay M. and FH. Please bring a dish to pass."

You could also try to do a potluck sign up on your website, or if you have someone who'd like to help with your reception, you can assign him/her with the task of signing up people to bring certain dishes to feed x people. That way you could make sure that you'd have specific dishes and a variety of dishes, too. It'd also help you make sure that you'd have enough food to feed everyone.

You can also personally request some of your guests to make specific dishes. They may be flattered that you like their dishes enough to want them at your wedding.

Potlucks are a lot of fun! Good luck with your planning!

Why not do a casual cake(or cupcakes) and punch reception in the church hall, hang out for a bit, talk with guests-ya know, be decent hosts (certainly you can handle it for just a couple hours) and then later, do your dinner with friends.

Heres the thing-if anyone is invited from out of town, I think its pretty rude for them to just be invited for a ceremony...so definitely make sure they know its just a ceremony. I'd be pretty peeved if I came in from out of town, got off work or whatever, only to find out that i was coming for a 30 min. ceremony and then the bride and groom were going to disappear. Not that I want or expect a big fancy dinner, but I'd definitely feel cheated.

Another option would be a casual barbeque at the hall or someones house.

Ask your family or friends you're really close to if they'd mind bringing something, and perhaps get a list together of what they'd bring. Like an old fashioned school party. =) Also, you could see if the church has a group that'd mind doing this for cheap/free. I know the church I used to go to had a sisters group & a brothers group - both would cook a lot of delicious stuff for special events. And if you wanted to include it on your invitations, you could say something along the lines of "yes, it's true. we're having a potluck. give us ideas of something delicious to cook as newlyweds!" Do you feel comfortable asking guests to bring food instead of a gift?

And hey, you can get a lot of the food without having to pay an arm and a leg too. Hit up the dollar store for chips and such. Buy bulk. You can have heavy appetizers only - make half sandwiches. Cut up veggies, fruit and cheese yourself. You probably won't end up paying more than you would for a nice dinner for the 2 of you.

Why don't you just do snacks? Some people may be offended if they are asked to bring something, even if they are not required to.

I think it's rude to do a ceremony without a reception, personally. Like some others have said, either do something simple-- cake, punch, sandwiches-- or just have a very small ceremony and only invite those who you would want to celebrate with.

I second Jamie- We are doing a pig roast for 260 people for $750.

Also, don't cut the cake! No one says you have to do that. Or do it but don't make a big deal about it. It'll be over before you know it.

For activities - you don't have to just play music and dance. Do a DIY photobooth. A treasure hunt. Outdoor sports if you can do that at the church. A slideshow if you're cool with that. They'd take the pressure of you guys not knowing how to dance/not liking the attention to be on you.

Make it short - your reception doesn't have to be five hours long.

Shay, I'm not sure if you have help planning the wedding or the "possible" reception, but you can put someone in charge of coordinating the food. Or delegate certain sections of your guests (bride's friend's, groom's family, etc) to bring certain categories (sides, salads, meats, whatever). Or have something on the RSVP for them to tell you what you plan on bringing, and then if someone asks you can fill in anything missing.

A lot of good ideas to think about. I've already cut the guest list down to 20 people. My PTSD symptoms can get really bad during times of stress so I have to be extra careful with keeping it small. I just have no money to do this with so the potluck is probably my only option. I haven't shared my wedding website with anyone yet because I was trying to figure out how to put a few more things on there so that is a resource I could use for the potluck. I like the idea of asking people to bring dishes instead of gifts because we were not going to register anywhere and we were planning on putting something on there about their presence being their gift as we already have everything we need. Now, to convince my FH that it really is the best way to go.

Good idea! I will use the RSVP for what they plan to bring. That makes it feel a lot less overwhelming to do it that way. thanks!!!