No Kids and Plus Ones

@nataliej I totally agree with damned if you do, damned if you don't... I came to conclusion it's our wedding our way.... on our invitations we put "it's an adult event" and still get negative people...ughhh

HisBeauty, my parents (really my dad, not mom but what he said was law supposedly) were of the mind to believe that if they couldn't bring the kids, they did not need to go.

Yeah, my mom had no friends until she went back to work.

Some people are really the kind to think it's the end of the world they cannot bring their kids. It's insane.

I most definitely am not one of those people. I feel like even though I'm a mom, I'm still a person. I still can have friends and a life.

I guess I just feel I don't need a reminder that some events aren't kid friendly, or I'm adult enough to ask if I'm not sure.

I got a rsvp back this week and she put on the back.. my life is my 5 kids and if they are not welcome then I won't come. Her oldest is in first grade and another in kinder. The other 3 are 3 years and under. We are having an out door wedding at my FH daughters house.

On the invitation I put Mr. and Mrs .

There is a swimming pool in the yard and we are expecting about 95 people.

Oh what a shame Peggy! You will no doubt truly miss the presence of Mrs mummy and entitled brats 1,2,3,4 & 5 from your formal, adult celebration.

I gave everyone who was married a plus one. I put on the RSVP card 2 seats have been reserved for you or 1 seat, I addressed the envelope to Mr and Mrs so and so

As far as the no kids you have to state it in a polite way. You can't assume people will get the message or assume. Some people may substitute their plus one(spouse) with their child. I put on my invitations "ALTHOUGH WE LOVE YOUR CHILDREN, WE REGRETFULLY CANNOT ACCOMMODATE THEM AT THE VENUE, WE HOPE YOU WILL SEE THIS AS AN OPPORTUNITY TO ENJOY AND CELEBRATE WITH US."

When you say no plus ones do you mean for example your friend who is single not getting an "and guest" invite? As others have said only put the names of who you want in the invite. For couples who weren't married I addressed the invite and posted it to the house of the person we knew and on the invite I wrote ."...would like to invite John and Mary....".In regards to children only write the adults names and follow it up if they don't get the picture.

Allowing an unlimited plus ones many mean some people show up with a kid.

My cousin took the time to write on the RSVPs the names of the people invited. Some guests still tried to change or add names. My cousin had to call them up and say very sorry, misunderstanding (which is total BS), but only you and John invited.

IMHO, you have to be firm. Guests don't get to make guest list.

You do have to be prepared to leave extra spots in case someone you do not know well got engaged, but I think you also have to make it clear if your mom or FMIL are being allowed guests, they must include spouses and fiances. If they don't know people well enough to know if they are engaged, I don't think they should be on the guest list. JMO.

I think it is important to remember that a lot of wedding etiquette is changing. Some chose to follow the traditional route and many are following a more modern etiquette. It is your wedding, so do what you want. I personally plan to include somewhere that it is an adult only event. I am not sure how I plan to do this yet, but I know I need to include something since many of our guests have young children. I have been to a few weddings in the past where it was stated something like "This event is for those over 15 years old" and I didn't think anything of it. In fact, most guests were thankful for the clear communication that they needed to find a babysitter ahead of time instead of waiting until closer to the date and not being able to attend since they were planning to bring their children.

I would love to think that just addressing the invite to Mr and Mrs _______ would work and I understand that etiquette says saying "adults only" is rude BUT it's really hard for some people to understand and take a subtle hint that their children are not invited. I just got an RSVP recently that was subtly addressed to "Mr and Mrs ______ " she took it upon herself to write in her daughter on the card. The closer I'm getting to my wedding the more I'm realizing you might have to be a little rude like "adults only" if that's what you really want.

I'm just addressing the invitations to those invited (i.e. Mr &Mrs Smith). I'm hoping people can take a hint but if they can't, I'm sure they'll call my mother and she'll set them straight

We had an adult only wedding. Nowhere on the invite did we put "adults only" or "no kids" as that is rude. Yet.. no one brought their kids! We spread by word of mouth and since my guests are not assholes, they didn't bring their kids!!

We are having an adults only wedding and addressed the invitations to only the people invited, like everyone here says to do. People still didn't even ask but TOLD us they were bringing their kids. Then they got all butt hurt when we let them know it was adults only. I wish we would have just specified on the invitation.

I've had three family members get married over the last 5 years and basically parents can't read envelopes. All of them had troubles with parents wanting or just bring their uninvited kids... I had two family members out right tell me I should put adults only on my envelopes.

I just wrote it on my website and instead on my RSVP card wrote __ seats have been reserved in your honor. It's still early on so we will see how much it works. So far one of FH's friends asked if kids were invited and he said no. They said they would get a baby sitter. An aunt has given my mom a bit of a hard time about her grandkids not being invited (basically 1st cousins once removed). These kids ran around on the dance floor screaming during the speeches at the last wedding I attended. Their parents sat there and did NOTHING. So my mom is like hell to the no they can come LOL. She just told her we are having an adults only wedding and wouldn't engage the her further.

We're doing adults only as well & have it posted VERY clearly on the wedding website. So far, the only person who's had an issue is FMIL. She was told several times it was adults only & then she tells FH that they're bringing her husbands grandson, who is a spoiled terror. They live in Florida & we live in Oregon, so we've never met the kid but FSIL just visited them & we heard some stories. After telling FMIL she couldn't bring the child, she then responded with 'we need to talk' clearly irritated that she couldn't bring him to the wedding. A wedding which she isn't paying for, nor has she offered to pay for, which is fine by us. So she doesn't get a say and isn't too happy about it. Once she was told we've been talking about hiring a sitter for the wedding, they decided they didn't want to do that since they didn't know who the person was gonna be. You just can't win sometimes.

"@nataliej I totally agree with damned if you do, damned if you don't... I came to conclusion it's our wedding our way.... on our invitations we put "it's an adult event" and still get negative people...ughhh"

You get negative people because putting "it's an adult event" is rude AF.

In general, you should just address the invitation to the invited parties. You don't ever say on the invitation who is NOT invited.

But I agree with Natalie that some people don't understand this particular etiquette issue and just assume they can bring anyone they want. If you think that's likely to happen in your circle, then include "___ of ___ invitees will attend" on the RSVP card and write in the # of seats you've reserved for each household in the second blank. You can also put on your website that your reception is for adults only. Between those two things and word-of-mouth, your guests should get the picture. You can probably already predict who, among your guest list, is likely to not follow those instructions, and you can always just not invite them, if you'd rather deal with the fallout of that than the fallout of having unexpected children show up.

Our rsvp cards said "we are holding __ seats for you" then listed who we were actually inviting....we didn't invite any children under 16. Also, our friends and family who wasn't actually dating someone didn't get a plus one. We are having a smaller wedding with about 80 guests on the river. There will be a lot of alcohol and a lot of adult fun.

I am having an adults only event besides maybe my brothers kids. Now I can't decide which way to go with or without stating so.

Do not put ANYTHING on your invites about no kids. How does anyone think that expresses hospitality, which THEORETICALLY is what an 'invitation' is about? There is no polite way to say , "no kids', except to not invite them to begin with. And suggesting that people leave their kids home for an opportunity to 'enjoy' themselves is going to be taken as insulting my many of your parents. There is no 'new etiquette' that makes that okay.

Invite the exact people you want to attend (and yes, someone dating for three months gets an invite...) Get ready to make calls if people add uninvited guests. Put on your big person stilettos and keep in mind that they're the rude ones.