No-host rehearsal brunch

If you really, truly cannot afford it, don't advertise it as an official wedding event. Say that you and FH will be having brunch at XYZ location and if anyone would like to join, they're welcome to. Or just don't have the event at all.

Be very careful with wording, because if you’re framing it as an invitation, you’ll be expected to pay.

I’m sorry, but I don’t think there’s any way to politely do this. If you host a rehearsal dinner(or brunch), that means you pay. You can likely get away with not having a rehearsal, so you can skip the rehearsal brunch.

I'm struggling with figuring out how to afford this too. It gets pricey fast. But I agree with pp's if you formally invite people, you'll be expected to pay. I don't think you should host at all if you can't pay.

It can also be something super casual/inexpensive, like pizza and beer(if that helps)

Thanks to all who have posted so far. I guess what I'm struggling with is that there are lots of people coming from far away who have a limited number of days. Some want some organized events to see us more. But due to extenuating circumstances it's true even "inexpensive" options add up fast. Our wording on the website with invites to go out likely today is "want to celebrate a day earlier? Join us for a no host brunch at x location so we can hang out with folks from near and far before the big day!"

View Quoted Comment Yup we definitely considered that option and actually are looking to do that for the wedding party only directly after.

Ps we are still planning to pay for some people, such as bridal party, parents and officiant.

View Quoted Comment

I really wouldn't do that. That would be so rude to all the guests that didn't make your cut.

Have the brunch you can afford. If you can't afford to host your guests, don't mention it on your website. You can rely on word of mouth as people have done for generations for no-host affairs.

Take the wedding party and your immediate family out for a meal if you have a rehearsal, and call it a day.

Alternatively, you could cancel the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner, and host all your guests for coffee and dessert after they return from getting their own dinner.

Pick a cheaper place, Panera and Moes even has under $20 options. then you can have people meet up at your house after and host them

I would limit the rehearsal brunch to only the wedding party/SOs, parents and officiant. If you can afford to add siblings/SOs and grands do so. You could then send out the message that you will be at such and such bar or restaurant that evening if out of town guests would like to join you. They'll still get time with you, but the confusion of who is paying for what will be eliminated.

There is no polite way to invite people to brunch and make them pay for their own meal.

You have a few options:

1. Skip the rehearsal and brunch altogether.

2. Host just your immediate family and wedding party to brunch (or another cheaper meal)

3. Have an informal get together at a bar, ice cream parlor, or coffee shop and let guests know you and your FS will be there at a certain time if they would like to join you. This cannot be for a full meal just drinks or something and people who want to come will realize they need to cover their own tab.

Apologies that this seems to be a hard thing for us to let go. Musings:
Let's just say for word of mouth I'm not sure about. I want to leave the details out of this but let's just say I'm not sure relying on word of mouth will be effective.
As for hosting at our house, I know my FH isn't up for that. It actually makes him nervous. In our over 5 years together we've onky hosted something at our home once. And that was a house warming. Directly after the rehearsal we have pizza and beer with a very small group. We treat those involved directly in the wedding.
Then, Ok. So we don't call a brunch a rehearsal *anything.* We just tell people that there is a brunch and it would be awesome for them to join us for a no-host brunch (this place has a nice separate area for larger groups) and put it casually on the website as an extra event, no separate invite. Then if people want word of mouth, they have some references.
Is this a fair compromise or is it still awful as I'm hearing here? We really just want to see as many of the people who came great lengths to be there. Certain dynamics including both family and culture also dictate there's not always such clean separation between who counts as immediate family. It's back to being big again or else we don't do it. I think more might be disappointed there weren't more gatherings actually.

‘Join us for a no host brunch’? There’s no such term as a ‘no host’. It’s called if you cannot pay for your guests you do not have the event.
Maybe you should just provide literature on local things to do in the area?
I like other poster’s idea of an evening of coffee and dessert at home...

The problem is that you are wanting to plan and have events that you can't afford and you want your guests to pay for the event. There's nothing wrong with not having a big enough budget for several events. Nothing wrong there at all! If you invite guests to an event, you need to pay. There's no way around this. If you mention that you will be somewhere in case they want to drop by, that's not an invitation and it's acceptable to not pick up the tab.

Thanks everyone for the kindly given advice. It sounds like we'll work around this issue and come up with a different solution than doing something no-host. We appreciate your (if you wish, continued) input!

There is such a term as "no host". The problem is that like a lot of other points of etiquette, many of your guests won't know what you are talking about, because they aren't familiar with the term. They will show up expecting you to pay and there will be embarrassment all around. I do not think it is a good idea to put this in writing anywhere, even on your website.

I wasn't suggesting you host coffee and dessert at your home. No one needs that right before their wedding. You can find a restaurant or perhaps a meeting room at a hotel, to serve as a venue. Open Table has a list of restaurants with private rooms for many cities.

I opted to do a welcome event, since we are doing a destination. I discovered there is a fireworks display going on at the local mall, and we will be inviting guests to join us there. Provides a means of mingling without any expectations!

The more I think of it the more I love that idea of coffee and pastries. The brunch place is actually a bakery and I'm sure they'd have no qualms with having us host a coffee and donut/pastry party there! We can certainly budget for that, a mix of beverages and sweets. And if people want a full fledged meal they still can...