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Just Said Yes March 2021

No gift or cards from friendship group help me get over it

Selina, on March 28, 2021 at 6:14 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10
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I got married a year ago and am so surprised at my friend group who got me nothing at all. The only reason I’m upset is because I have chipped in to every baby shower gift, bridal shower, engagement and wedding gift. A friend had a baby and we ended up getting her 3 separate gifts but my wedding totally was ignored. On top of that I broke my leg and never got anything either. I know it’s not worth losing friendships over but what can I do going forward to get over it? I don’t like how much I care about it but it also annoys me.

10 Comments

Latest activity by Selina, on March 29, 2021 at 4:40 AM
  • Samantha
    Super October 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    If you find you’re always the one doing the reaching out, they probably aren’t as close to you as you are to them. Going to a wedding and not acknowledging it any any way, even with a congrats card, is really rude, and for everyone to do that, these people are jerks. You do deserve better friends!
    As far as group gifts - those are hard sometimes. You pitched in on a gifts, so that means there was an “organizer” person who coordinated everything. If it’s been the same person for several events, they may be tired if doing it and no one stepped up, and no one took it on themselves. These people sound like awful “friends.”

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  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
    • Flag
    Wow! So you mean to tell me that they attended your wedding and didn’t even leave a card?! You broke your leg and they didn’t even care? Is there anything more to the story here that we might be missing? If not then I would seriously consider your friendship with these people. As pp said you pitched in on gifts for them which means there was someone organizing it. Do you feel like they leave you out on things often?
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag

    Hmm sounds like you need new friends. If there are no details being left out. Unfortunately some people are selfish and others no longer care about good manners. Their behavior is outside of their control.

    • Reply
  • Elizabeth
    Expert June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
    • Flag

    This is really hurtful. It's okay to start looking for some new friends.

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  • Jessica
    Devoted February 2021
    Jessica ·
    • Flag
    That’s terrible I’m so sorry. I’m petty enough that I wouldn’t contribute anything to those people in the future
    • Reply
  • Ava
    Super May 2022
    Ava ·
    • Flag
    I know it’s not about the gifts per se, but the lack of effort or acknowledgement (at least with a congratulatory card!) is very rude and hurtful. You have every right to be upset! It sounds like these friendships are very one sided. I agree with others, you may want to start expanding your friend circle.
    • Reply
  • L
    Lisa ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    I agree 100%.
    You mentioned you don’t like that it’s bothering you this much; it should bother you .. a lot. You are justified in feeling hurt and being bothered.
    Take a step back from being the one doing all the relationship work and gift giving and see who checks in on you. It’s ok to move on from this group. Completely ignoring your injury and wedding is really saying a lot.
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    Man I agree with pp ^ the lack of effort is what bad here. Recently I’ve honestly cut off friends who I’ve felt like it’s been one sided and where it’s been feeling like I don’t get the effort either. Don’t feel like you need to keep every person in your life
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    This happens with one of my sisters, remembered by our family, forgotten by friends in general, co-workers, hubby's friends. And she is quiet and sweet, and the sort who remembers other people's birthdays with flowers on their desk or a lunch, or shovels out their steps and their car so they fly home from someplace with put digging out. Last I knew she was grocery shopping for several who cannot get out. My parents, geney wise in such things, point to 70-80% of her contacts being by computer. Open texting, facebook, more who seem like friends but are really frequent acquaintances, because there is little or no reciprocity. People ignore invitations then show up. Or answer, yes, then decide it is a nice day, fo something else. We sent out the same number of invitations, and all who answered yes came and the few no, didn't. But of the remaining approx 100 who said yes for up, people who had a baby the day before, very early, and someone who had surgery, missed. 42of her hubby's frat boy friends and mostly girlfriends, , and 10of hers with SO, 52 no shows. And about 25 never accepted or declined, after inquiring about lodgings, transportation, coming for showers. Her 20or so long term friends, home, work, college peers all showed with gifts. But nearly 80 no shows. Yow, that hurt. His parents and their very small well off family came. Half gave only a card. Yet sis, like us, had more than 40gifts from folks not invited, or far away, our family and her childhood friends. I have been pushing her to get riral again, lose her law school peers and acquaintances all doing the latest expensive in thing, and with the worst social skills of anyone I ever met. They will be sitting talking, and if you ask how some project turned out, they will tell you how ig was rated??? on social media. And they talk at each other, like memos at work, rarely to each other. 🙂 I really doubt it is just you. You are amongst a large group who by and large are interested in themselves. But how awful for someone who always gives.
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  • S
    Just Said Yes March 2021
    Selina ·
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    It was weighing so heavily on my chest that I actually told one of the girls of the group and she was so apologetic but she also said something dumb that irked me. She said maybe those three are closer to each other than to us. That made me think forget that and forget u too. So they’re closer to each other then why the heck am I chipping in!?? To make their amount less? I didn’t even reply after that but I feel so much better and I am going to cut all those people out of my life. I’ve always been the friend treated like garbage and left out. It’s just sad because I will remember this forever and probably never forgive them.
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