Tranean
Dedicated August 2021

No children please

Tranean, on October 12, 2019 at 9:56 AM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 72

My husband and I decided we didn’t want children under a certain age at our vow renewal. What’s the best way to articulate this request in the invitation?
My husband and I decided we didn’t want children under a certain age at our vow renewal. What’s the best way to articulate this request in the invitation?

72 Comments

  • W-K
    Super October 2019
    W-K ·
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    I think you’re going to end up explaining yourself regardless. I’m guessing some of your guests have children that are of mixed ages. The other thing you could do is higher a babysitter for the littles in a designated room on site.
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  • Brandi
    Devoted November 2020
    Brandi ·
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    Honestly, after reading every comment this is what I’ve concluded:
    You really have to be specific. Either no kids or kids. Choosing to be lenient for one family unit and not the other is drama waiting to happen. For instance, I am only having the children in my wedding party in attendance. That’s my two nephews, one niece and goddaughter. Unless they meet this same criteria for you, you shouldn’t really have a open kid policy. If you are adamant on specific age groups. I would go with 13+. 13 is considered teenager. That’s more easier to explain than saying 10 years old and older or 9 etc.
    You can easily put “Adult Only” Celebration on the invite AND address the child on the invitation. For instance, although my invite says “Adult Only,” I have addressed the invitation to my MOH and 3 year old flower girl because they BOTH are invited. You can use a wedding website like Zola to enter your guest list so, guests can RSVP if their name is on the list. Yo can also include a FAQ which explains in further detail why it’s an adult only celebration.
    I don’t know why some of the posters made that harder than what it needed to be. Good luck!
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  • Tranean
    Dedicated August 2021
    Tranean ·
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    Let me start by saying, thank you. I’ve been thinking and I definitely agree with the 13+ age group, and I appreciate you for not “kid shaming” ( that’s the term I’ve given it after yesterday’s comments) me. This will probably be the last time I reach out for help on this site because of it. But a few posters included their RSVP and how they worded theirs and it was extremely helpful. I appreciate the detail and thoughtfulness you put into your response and you may not agree with what I want, but you never made it personal.
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  • Rebecca
    Savvy November 2020
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag
    I’ve seen it done as simply at “no children please” listed on the invite, my cousin had put “invited to an adult only ceremony and reception”. Personally, I don’t think that’s rude. Yes it may prevent some people with kids from coming, but it’s your wedding and having kids vs. not having kids largely impacts the type of event you’re planning
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  • A
    Savvy October 2019
    Amanda ·
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    We put “adult only affair” and I don’t think it’s rude, nor did any of our guests. It’s a common request and if people get offended, oh well! 0Smiley smile
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  • Chrysta
    Super November 2020
    Chrysta ·
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    I absolutely agree- this is exactly why I chose to address the issue now BEFORE the wedding. I would much rather deal with people having an opinion about who I invited months before the wedding, than having to explain myself all night during the wedding.
    • Reply
  • Chrysta
    Super November 2020
    Chrysta ·
    • Flag
    I’m so sorry you have received so many negative comments about an insanely common practice these days. Not all events are appropriate for children. And parents do (or at least should!) understand that. You are being responsible by not allowing children under a certain age/development level to attend in concern for their safety. I am reminded of an amusement park... when I was younger I loved rollercoasters. There were very clearly marked signs “must be this tall to ride”. They were clearly marked so that there was no question about who would be allowed and no explaining needed once people got through the line to the ride. And when I was tall enough to ride and my brother wasn’t, my parents didn’t throw fits about it. They simply explained to my brother it wasn’t appropriate for him to participate. Don’t stress too much about this or overthink it. Explain in whatever manner you find best suited for your situation, and don’t worry about it again Smiley smile I honestly think some people on here are blowing this waaaaaay out of proportion. It’s just an invitation lol
    • Reply
  • Tranean
    Dedicated August 2021
    Tranean ·
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    Omg yeeeeeesssss! I actually sat with my phone in my hand at one point and was like wth!?!? Thank you so much for being one of the understanding and helpful people. (Don’t be surprised if I send you a message asking questions) I definitely plan on sticking to our plan, and I screenshotted the wording suggestions that was given so I can play around with those until we’re happy with the way it sounds. Thank you so much again for being helpful!
    • Reply
  • KimandLarry
    Dedicated July 2020
    KimandLarry ·
    • Flag

    We are going with no kids, but with a different twist. We have family coming from out of state, and they have kids. So, their kids are invited, but not the kids of the people that are local. I can't imagine inviting a family from another state, and telling them they have to find someone to watch their kids in a town they rarely visit. Local families will already have a network of babysitters so it's easier for them. And if they get mad that other kids are there, oh well. Their problem, not mine. YOU DO YOU! You are the one paying for and planning the whole thing so if anyone gets upset, they can stay home.

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  • Chrysta
    Super November 2020
    Chrysta ·
    • Flag
    You’re so welcome! And feel free to message any time! I’m glad you’re sticking to your guns and making your celebration your vision of perfect Smiley smile
    • Reply
  • Tranean
    Dedicated August 2021
    Tranean ·
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    Thank you!
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  • Cynthia
    Devoted November 2019
    Cynthia ·
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    I totally agree with you of people being upset why they can’t bring their kids that’s why I made mine across board the same for everyone even my fiancé twin sister(fiancé didn’t want us making an exception for her they aren’t close) she has 3 kids 4th on the way and they all are very unruly and misbehaved. I’m like if I’m not inviting his own sisters kids I’m not inviting anyone else's kids except 13 and up because at that point they are teenagers and I have many cousins who are 13 and up. I also don’t understand why it is seen as rude no kids is no kids and if they are offended then don’t come.
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  • Cynthia
    Devoted November 2019
    Cynthia ·
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    This 🙌🏼 totally agree with you I’m going through the same thing of people getting offended because I said no kids it’s totally crazy some of the backlash that is coming along with our decision when we are paying for the wedding. This is how we want it and we constantly have to justify our decision it’s annoying. My aunt was like oh well you know they have a young kid you should make an exception just for them. I always remind them we aren’t even inviting my fiancé own twin sisters kids, his mom would have a cow if she saw other kids there and not her grandkids because she was already mad of us not inviting them in the first place. We are sticking to our guns though.
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  • O
    Dedicated November 2019
    Olivia ·
    • Flag
    I made both my bridal shower and the wedding will also be no kids. On the shower I said adult ladies only please and on the wedding invitation we said No children under the age of 13 please.

    So far no one has made a comment, complained, or gotten mad as far as we know. And if they do then that's on them. We have our reasons and we aren't budging on them.

    And remember. This website is good for advice but its also JUST advice. Its nice to get another point of view or thoughts but no one, no matter how much they jump on you in an online forum, can force you to make the decision you end up wanting and choosing. These are strangers online, they won't be attending your wedding. So screw them if they don't agree and throw a fit online. They don't really matter and neither does their judgement ♥️
    • Reply
  • Tranean
    Dedicated August 2021
    Tranean ·
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    ❤️ you’re right! I guess I was just shocked because I’ve always had a really good experience on here. I guess kids are a sore spot lol.
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  • Tranean
    Dedicated August 2021
    Tranean ·
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    Good for you on sticking with your decision! I appreciate your encouragement!
    • Reply
  • Dawn
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Dawn ·
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    It is perfectly ok to have an age limit or no kid wedding. My parents have been invited to weddings where I was the only kid old enough to come (oldest of 5 kids) I have also been to weddings where it was Adult only, (as an adult) It is not rude at all either way. I have received both types of invites. All have been addressed to exactly who is invited. And to further make sure guests understood a note at bottom said Adult only party.
    No one seems to be bitter or think it is rude when someone throws a Gala and children are not invited. Weddings are no different. I find people that are invited are rude for not knowing etiquette or completely ignoring etiquette. The person or people invited is who the invite is Addressed to. If it says Mr&Mrs Smith then only mr & Mrs Smith is invited( NOT their kids) If it says the smith family then mr and Mrs plus their kids that live at that address is invited. ( if one of their kids is out of the house and separate address they get their own invite sent to where they live now) People put the bride in an unnecessary awkward place for not knowing invitation etiquette. If its above an age thing invite then it would be Mr&Mrs Smith and miss or master “kids name(s) on addressed envelope. Because people are rude Brides are forced to then put sorry no children, because even though the addressed envelope said Mr&Mrs Smith someone always brings their kid(s) or has the audacity to call and ask. If the bride intended or wanted to invite your kid(s) their name(s) would have been on the envelope period.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    What you are saying has never been accepted social etiquette. There are different cutoff ages that cut you get children out, in all school system, most church based, and most community based social activities. Nobody sends their 4 year old with their 14 and 17 old to the high school dance. 10-12 year old scouts cannot attend activities for 14-18 year olds. For kids' birthday parties, commonly an adult will bring 1 or 2 children close in age to the birthday child. Even if the birthday child knows the older and younger members of the family, still parents may invite 10 5th graders, and no one younger, and no one older. Wherever their is Rick, as in places with unrestricted access to balconies, stairs without railings, bodies of water not fenced off, both the law, and locally ordinances, and of course insurance companies, set regulations on what ages of children may be allowed, and which ages are prohibited, with and function holder ( host) being legally guilty for negligence for risking youngsters below a certain age. Whole families, including every child, have never been considered an unbreakable social group, for social invitations. It has always been considered bad manners to pick amongst the children of a family, by personality, I like this child but not this one. Or by an arbitrary standard like inviting pretty, photogenic kids and leaving out ugly, scarred, or disabled ones. . . . But every aspect of American Society regularly separates children of one family according to the safety of the physical settings, the level of supervision that will be available, and whether or not the activity is developmentally appropriate. I am a mother of 5 , twin four year olds, 9, 11, and 13 year olds. And almost all social activities, from group movie or amusement park parties, to holiday and birthday parties, plus any sports banquets, graduations , at least 90% of the invitations allow some children and not others, by age grouping or school grade grouping.
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  • Tranean
    Dedicated August 2021
    Tranean ·
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    I didn’t think it was anything wrong with that either! Thank you for explaining in a way that some others who disagreed with my request may understand.
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  • A
    Dedicated May 2020
    Abigail ·
    • Flag

    Fiance and I just got an invite to a wedding that said

    "reception to follow"

    "no children please"

    and I dont think that is rude at all. It makes it easy and you dont have to respond to a ton of messages from everyone while youre trying to sort out other details. I think it's great that the invite specified and laid out what kind of wedding we will be attending and we are looking forward to it. With your specific situation, I would put "no children, please" and then on your website specify children over 12 or whatever age you want. Chances are youre going to get messages from families who have 13/14 year olds and dont consider them as "children" and will reach out or look at the website for clarification anyways. When I think of children at a wedding, I think of 4 and 5 year olds.

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