Tranean
Dedicated August 2021

No children please

Tranean, on October 12, 2019 at 9:56 AM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 72

My husband and I decided we didn’t want children under a certain age at our vow renewal. What’s the best way to articulate this request in the invitation?
My husband and I decided we didn’t want children under a certain age at our vow renewal. What’s the best way to articulate this request in the invitation?

72 Comments

  • Wendy
    Super August 2020
    Wendy ·
    • Flag
    I added “Adults only” on the save the date.. and I have on the website “Adults only” and specify 18yrs and older only..
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  • Tranean
    Dedicated August 2021
    Tranean ·
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    That’s a good idea
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  • Chrysta
    Super November 2020
    Chrysta Online ·
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    We are having no children at our DW. I put it on our details cards sent with the Invitations. I also included it, along with a more lengthy explanation, on our wedding website where guests must rsvp. I know some people will say it’s “rude” to put this on the verbage of invites, etc. but I feel it’s much more “rude” to not clearly indicate the rules to people and potentially place them in an uncomfortable situation if they dont pick up on the subtlety of not specifically including the names of children on the envelope, etc. and end up bringing them. For me personally, I would much rather be upfront (in a kind and courteous manner of course) and leave no question that all guests understand exactly who is invited, and not worry about stressing out the day of my wedding when people who didn’t get the hint show up with children. At the end of the day, it’s YOUR wedding and you should do what’s best for you and your spouse.
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  • Renee
    Super October 2020
    Renee ·
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    Well we're not supposed to be judging other brides but helping them out. I like the way you worded it. It sounds good!
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  • Tranean
    Dedicated August 2021
    Tranean ·
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    Thank you so much! I truly appreciate your response and honestly I’m not sure why it was such an issue in the first place. I completely agree about being honest upfront. I don’t currently have a website and maybe the way you did it is a better way of handling it. Do you have any suggestions on the website I should use or look at?
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  • Chrysta
    Super November 2020
    Chrysta Online ·
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    I’m using Zola for our website. It has several different links that you can use to provide info to your guests. It also has a link where your guests can RSVP. I put a line at the bottom of our details cards (which we are sending with our invitations) that says “due to the nature of the venue, this will be an adult only event. For more info & to rsvp, please visit (insert website address)”, then explained in further detail on the info section of the website. (You could say something like “due to safety concerns, the minimum age of guests for the venue is (insert age)” or “due to venue restrictions, all guests must be (insert age) or older”. I also included the age restriction on the RSVP section, just to make sure guests would see it when they went to rsvp (in case they didn’t take the time to read the info section). I know there are people out there that still abide by old fashioned etiquette, but “rules” to weddings have pretty much disappeared. It is more than ok for you to invite (or not invite) whoever you see fit, and to handle it however best fits your situation. I will say, we did have a complaint about the age restriction from ONE person. But so far, everyone else has been incredibly understanding and several people have said they are super excited to have a fun adult night out!
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  • Tranean
    Dedicated August 2021
    Tranean ·
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    Ohhhh awesome! Thank you! I will definitely check them out. Your wording suggestion is on point. I appreciate your help so much!
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  • Chrysta
    Super November 2020
    Chrysta Online ·
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    So glad it was helpful! Smiley smile
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  • Katelyn
    Savvy June 2020
    Katelyn ·
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    I think what she is saying is maybe instead of saying “no children under 10” specify exactly who is invited on invitations . I don’t really want children at my wedding either, and I have a bunch of family friends who have teenagers as well as younger children. So we were thinking about addressing something like “To Mr & Mrs. Johnson and Johnny Johnson”, and specifying on RSVP cards how many seats.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    This is the best attitude. What you are doing, deciding that the situation is not developmentally appropriate for kids under a certain age, and inviting only kids over that age, is fine. Every aspect of our society does this, even with kids a year apart. And parents who do not like it may decline. Just do not say anything about those not invited. And do not share your criteria for right age/vs too young. That invites argument. Don't say, we are inviting only those over ten, and post it anywhere . If asked, say, we are inviting only those for whom safety and supervision needs will not be an issue, and who can participate and enjoy conversation and activities that are primarily geared to adults. If a particular family asks about their child, you may be more specific. But as people say above, invitations should not mention who is not invited, only name those who are.
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  • Olivia
    Beginner June 2020
    Olivia ·
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    My fiancé and I decided very early on that we would not be including children in our celebration outside of the bridal party. The reason? One side of the family has unruly little gremlins and the other side has well-behaved, polite children. We chose to include the children we could trust to behave appropriately in the bridal party and did not include the others. We will have an online RSVP that automatically populates who is invited, that way no one squeezes extra names onto an RSVP card. If anyone has any further questions, we’ve chosen to include this on our wedding website.

    No children please 1
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  • Tranean
    Dedicated August 2021
    Tranean ·
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    First off, I literally chuckled at the gremlins part lol. I love the way you worded it. We aren’t even having children in the wedding party. I’ll have to look into the way my website it set up to see how it populates the RSVP.
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  • Sexypoodle
    VIP October 2020
    Sexypoodle ·
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    I feel the same way… if people decline because we’re having an adult only wedding… then they just decline 🤷🏽‍♀️. I’m not planning my wedding based around their children. Also, parents realize that there are going to be events that children just can’t attend.
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  • C
    Beginner June 2020
    Courtney ·
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    We are doing the same request. However we will not be putting ot on the invitation, but we did list ot on our website under the wedding event. We also reached out to certain family and friends to give them a heads up.
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  • Tranean
    Dedicated August 2021
    Tranean ·
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    That’s definitely an option. Thanks!!!
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  • Olivia
    Beginner June 2020
    Olivia ·
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    Glad I gave you a good laugh!
    I utilized the Knot for my wedding website. Unfortunately, (listen up, WeddingWire!) the wedding website for this app is buggy as hell. The Knot is only slightly better but was easier to navigate. There’s a way to include your guest list and to set up online RSVP where you literally search by name, then you just click the box next to each name in your party and hit submit. Super easy and prevents Karen from squeezing little Tommy and Susie into the guest count.
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  • Cynthia
    Devoted November 2019
    Cynthia ·
    • Flag
    This is my RSVP it says “while we love your children, we kindly request that no one under that age of thirteen be in attendance.” Its a nice way to word it or if you want to make it to make it clear of no children just change last part to kindly request no children. I have a few ppl not attending because of my rule, but I am not going to bend the rules this is how we want it to be. We want it to be an adults only affair we aren’t even having ring bearers or flower girls and unfortunately you’ll always have someone who makes a fuss when you say no kids, but don’t let anyone guilt you I have had many family members pull that on me I had to stay stern.

    No children please 2
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  • Tranean
    Dedicated August 2021
    Tranean ·
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    I really like the way you worded that and how you printed it on the bottom of the RSVP! Doesn’t leave any room for the “I didn’t see it or I didn’t know” Thank you!
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  • W-K
    Super October 2019
    W-K ·
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    The thing is it’s highly rude to invite some kids of a family but not others because you’re breaking up their social unit randomly. The common way to make this OK is to invite in family groups. Certain people’s kids are invited. Certain people the adults are only invited. Make out the invites to who you want to come. Put on the rsvp line that x amount of seats have been reserved in their honor.


    Honestly, though, I didn’t put it on my invites who wasn’t invited. I just addressed directly in person my one sister who I didn’t want to bring her toddlers. She wasn’t offended at all.
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  • Tranean
    Dedicated August 2021
    Tranean ·
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    So then how do you propose it’s handled when someone shows up and sees children but their children weren’t? I see myself explaining all night why this family has kids there but this family doesn’t. I refuse to spend my night explaining my decision. I feel that families can choose to only bring the adults or decline as a family unit. No one is saying they have to break up their family social unit. I don’t understand why people feel that my choice is being rude. It’s the same thing if a couple requires a certain color be worn if you’re in attendance. So basically if I want to attend, I’m required to go and purchase an outfit if I don’t already own something to match. So I can choose to spend that money or stay home....
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