Nervous about becoming a wife?

I think we are writing out of concern. Your first year of marriage is going to be VERY difficult, having not lived to together, first of all, but also not having learned how to essentially take care of yourself. Just remember, you and your husband are a team.

My parents wanted me to stay home until I got married like all my sisters did before me. I'm the youngest, and I guess the rebel and when I left for college I never went back! When fh and I got engaged, we moved in together right away. I knew how to cook since I was 8. I'm always in the kitchen throwing down! LOL.

I really don't think you have anything to worry about. Keep the lines of communication open at all times. Tell him how you feel and the expectations you have on yourself and see what he expects of you and the marriage. You're a team. I also suggest having separate AND joint accounts.

Remember you are partners not roommates.

Our transition was super easy. We didn't even have to talk about things - they just fell into place. I DO NOT cook. I will on occasion, but DH is so much better at it. I can't imagine living at home till you get married. My mom and I would have killed each other by now, haha. I also went to college out of state.

My mom was a SAHM, so she did all the cooking and cleaning (us kids helped her). Dad was the only one who worked. Well, DH and I are both successful people therefore we compromise on things and help each other out. Like yours, my dad has never cleaned, done laundry, or washed a single dish. I always felt bad for my mom because she would feel ill or tired and still have to do these things because if she didn't who would. My dad has finally come around and now helps her with things. I feel loved and supported by DH because we share responsibilities.

My DH does trash, laundry and the cooking. I do the rest like clean, grocery shop (we do that together mostly), etc. We also do a lot together. Open communication is key.

I do all the cooking; I'm still learning. I bought a Betty Crocker as well as Better Homes and Gardens cookbook from a used bookstore and have been trying to make about 3 new recipes a week and then doing simple meals like spaghetti and tacos for the other nights (or we go out). I love taking care of FH in this way but I do agree it's best to split duties where you can unless you are able to be a SAHM.

About laundry--for some reason the concept of doing another person's laundry has always seemed odd to me. It just seems like something everyone should do for themselves. I wouldn't trust him with my clothes and although I could wash his, I don't even know how he likes them folded, what his drawer system is, etc. I guess we've always had an unspoken rule that he does his and I do mine!

Exciting times for you! Cooking is fun, embrace it! Cleaning sucks tho. Got no advice for you there sorry. Been outta home 13 years now and my mother would be ashamed, lol.

Just be patient with each other and yourself! It will be fun!!

My advice? Communicate. If something is bothering you, bring it up, in a very adult fashion. FH and I have lived together for about a year and a half. Be open and honest with each other at all times. Don't sugar coat anything, or bottle anything up!

I do not cook. Lee cooks, I clean. He does his own damn laundry. We are partners and we each do what we're good at to maintain a functioning household and relationship. This results in very little conflict.

There was a post on here this week or last week that discussed how difficult the first year of marriage has been for some people. The thing I noticed was that the majority of brides having a rough first year were brides who had just moved in with their groom either within a few months of the wedding or the night of the wedding. Most of the brides like myself who have been living with our spouses for many years haven't had issues.

That doesn't mean we never will, it just means we've evened out each other's edges until we fit really well. That's also why a lot of brides here will advise against moving in the night of the wedding; some couples are incapable of fitting together well and it's better to find out before marriage.

Just because you have a vagina doesn't mean you have to be the caretaker. If that's what you genuinely want to be, then go for it. But just because your mom was, isn't a good reason. My mom was a SAHM/W and I will never be because I value my independence too much for that. History doesn't have to repeat itself if you don't want it to.

Just one question here ladies. Do any of you think they are any more prepared to be a husband than you are a wife? Its a learning experience. Its give and take and finding what works for your family.

Well said SunshineJenn. I used to have a maid, but FH has too much clutter. We're going to do a serious de-clutter of this house after the wedding and hire a maid again. I cook - he does dishes. He does laundry - I fold. Other than that - FH waits on me hand and foot. My biggest fear is that some day he'll get tired of it. I have told him that too.

A partner's role is more than cooking, cleaning and laundry. That's the easy part, and you should both learn how to do everything unless you plan to spend the next decades of your marriage being the domestic help. I was a chef before this, so of course i do all the cooking, but my guy does all the laundry; I'm horrible at it. We split the cleaning, the dog-work, and all the other stuff. Everyone has talents, and ideally, they mesh so everything gets done.

My FH and I split duties - and change it up routinely every week. No need for one person to do all of the work, especially not for the reasoning of "the wife does it all". FH cooks me breakfast every morning, and I make dinner. We do laundry together and clean together - if you can get into routine and make sure he knows his place and what he needs to help you with everything will be okay. It's a learning process, you'll be okay =) .

Karen, I've brought up getting a maid to come in every couple of weeks. It would just be great to come home to a professionally cleaned home once in awhile.

I'm unfortunately the one with the clutter, because I have a nostalgic streak in me and people like to give me "thoughtful" gifts.

Lee is afraid I'll get bored with him. I go to NYC with my friends, without him; I go to dinners with friends, without him; I have taken beach vacations, also without him. And I travel for work about 10% of the time, too. But I like that, because it keeps things fresh and interesting. We always have something to talk about.

It will be fine! It's normal to be a little nervous, and if I were in your shoes I would be too. BUT FH and I have lived together for about 1 1/2 years and he does all the laundry and loves to cook. He also almost always does the dishes and he doesn't mind at all.

Just have your husband grille a lot and you can make the sides (salad, rice, potatoes, etc). My hubby grills at least a few times a week and that relieves me from having to cook every night. Not that I have to, but I kinda have him trained He shouldn't expect you to cook every night if you're working etc. Have some grille nights, try your hand at a couple recipes per week, get takeout at least one night on the weekends...don't try to be Martha Stewart overnight. I doubt he's expecting that, unless you're grooming him to think that. Talk about your concerns with making it all happen, you're probably putting too much pressure on yourself.

I really believe in living together before you get married because it really does take some time to adjust. We each have our own areas of "responsibility". My fiancé is in charge of taking care of the outside of the house and I am in charge of the inside. (We own 22 acres of land!) We split the cooking duties and grocery shop together. It works well for us.