Needing to Rant...

So here I am, 32 days out from one of the best days of my life. The planning has been fine, money has been fine, everything has been fine besides the people I thought were my best friends.


We had a 1 1/2 year engagement. My cat, Julian, who was like our child got cancer and after a massive $5000 vet bill we had to put him down in April 2019. A week later my soon to be father-in-law passed away suddenly from a heart attack. My first bridesmaid was out in July as she found out she was having twins. My BFF of 7 years said she didn't want to be in the wedding anymore and ended our friendship via text bc of some heavily misinterpreted texts (one about bra color) and also bc of the dress everyone but her liked for the bridesmaids dresses in October. My BFF of 10 years went through a divorce and has now decided to have her ex-hunsband and kids treat our destination wedding as a spring break get away. We've told everyone from the start this is a no kids wedding. She's known for a year and half about this and has failed to save a penny for it. Yet she gets her nails done every two weeks and her hair done monthly and buys clothes and concert tickets all the time... I even offered to help with accomodations but she decided to make it a family getaway instead. She literally just text me and said "would it just be easier for me to drop out of the wedding?!" bc I mentioned we were going out on Friday and was hoping she could come out... When she said she needed to spend time with her kids I told her to do what she needs to do. Not meaning it in any way but exactly that.
We moved away from friends and family for my job so my entire bridal party is each in a different state. I have felt like this should have been the happiest time of my life and here I am dealing with losing friends and family. I am so depressed. SO DEPRESSED. I just needed a place to express how I feel. It seems like every little thing I do is just wrong. Am I asking too much to not have my best friend spend time with me before my wedding? I just don't get it. I don't get how the littlest of things can make people just throw you away like you're not worth anything. Apologies for the long rant- just so exhausted from everything that's happened this past year. I just want to be happy and excited. That's all I want.