Need Advice On a Sticky Family Situation

I wouldn’t invite someone to my wedding that I didn’t have a relationship with.

If you think down the road, you’ll regret it, invite her. But don’t invite her just to make sure your sister comes. Have your dad intervene and ask for your sister to attend.

If it makes you feel awful to have her there i wouldnt force it at all

Can you see if your dad can take her. Like tell your dad to tell your mom they have plans that day. So that way your sister could still go to your wedding? Idk how your mom and dads relationship is, but ik when i tell my daughters father we have plans he works around them as so do I for him.

Ask your dad to switch weekends?

View Quoted Comment She unfortunately knows my wedding date and my dad and stepmom want me to handle it because it’s my wedding. They have been getting along with her and have invited her to this past Thanksgiving and Christmas. So I’m stuck handling this on my own. But thanks for the advice.

View Quoted Comment My mom knows my wedding date, so I can’t really be sneaky about it. Plus my parents want me to handle this situation on my own.

I say you just make the leap and call and ask can your dossier attend the wedding. If your mom wants to come then you two would need to have a serious talk and you would need to have some closure with her.

I really wouldn’t invite her. If you’d only been estranged for about a year or so, I’d say give her a chance. But seven years? I don’t see a relationship coming from that. My father and I haven’t spoken in 8 years, and I don’t plan on it anytime soon. I have no regrets about not inviting him, I don’t think he deserves to be there.


Can you ask your dad to arrange a swap for your little sister? It sounds like it’s possible, so maybe your mom won’t refuse your dad.

Just read your replies that your parents want you to handle it on your own. I would call your mom and ask her to give your sister to your dad, because she’s in the wedding, and I would leave it at that. Don’t tell her she’s not invited, but don’t extend then possibility of her coming (ie. Giving your sister to your dad vs bringing your sister herself) so that she knows this is purely about your sister.

View Quoted Comment That sounds like a good idea. A lot of my stress has been from not knowing how exactly to put it for fear of things getting ugly and out of hand right off the bat. I don’t want to be mean or rude. I just want my sister without any drama. I have a better idea of what/how to ask now. Thank you!

Can you have your dad tLk to her?

There is no point in trying to fool her. But I would take the fact that she has been civilized enough to bring little sister to s couple of holidays at Father's, to indicate she can look to little sister's best interests, and swallow her issues then. So try writing a very nice letter. Tell her you know she has been making an effort to help little sister stay connected to the rest of her family. That you know that little sister wants so much to be a bridesmaid on that date at your wedding. And ask her if, for little sister's sake, she would consider swapping that weekend of custody/ visit so that sis will be at her father's house when not at the wedding. Don't bring up any other issues. Or that the way things are, you are not inviting her (mom). She knows. At most, if mom brings it up, say that you do not want mom's and your problems to spill over and upset sis. Setting it down in writing, very nicely, you may avoid triggering any emotional overflow from either of you. Closer to a civil business or social transaction. Avoidance of dealing with your relationship. Not ready now. And hope her response, whether she contacts you or sends a message, is, like yours, from the point of view that mom wants sister to be happy.

View Quoted Comment Thank you everyone for your advice! I talked with her today and she said it was fine for my sister to come and was surprisingly nice about it.

Can your dad see if he can switch weekends to have your sister? If not, i would bite the bullet and invite her explaining that your sister is a bridesmaid.

I had a very bad relationship with my dad as a child and into my 20s. One day he called me and I decided to see him, we made amends. Less than a month of that I got a phone call that he died. To this day, I’m so happy I had that last day with him (I hadn’t seen him in 5 years at that point). That one visit didn’t rebuild our relationship, he didn’t apologize for what he did to me, but I found a way to forgive him and let him know that he was my dad and I loved him and always would.


Basically what I’m saying is, your harboring this I’ll feelings (Rightfully, I’m sure). But one day you will look back and wish things would’ve been different. Invite her because she’s your mother, she’s going to be there with your sister. At the end of the day, if your mom died tomorrow how would you feel?
We don’t always do things because we want to, but rather because we are stronger and a better person for it. The anxiety you feel is within you, you make it only worse for you.
I’m not telling you what to do, but think of the big picture, think about what will it take to heal you! Forgiveness heals. We may never forget, but letting go of the pain and hurt will help you one day.