My sister is refusing to come to my destination wedding

View Quoted Comment 800 plus is a ton of money. She is being part of your legal wedding. Your are trying to force her to do two different ceremonies one costing 800 at least plus taking time off work. When she says no you say she is horrible and selfish and you will. Ever talk to her again. Think about that for a moment

Wow... I just read this post and your previous post about this not being a legal ceremony. 1) the courthouse is the legal ceremony, it's in the states and is convenient. If your mil is only going to that, then it should be OK for your sister to only come to that, too. 2) you said it's only going to be symbolic, because you can't afford or didn't plan ahead or want it to not be religious to make it legal... So you're asking people to spend 800 too travel to Ireland.. For a weekend? to see a simply symbolic ceremony that doesn't matter, when your still getting married at a courthouse in the states. Thats a big ask. 3) you both need to simply talk to each other. Don't continue to bring up the past. She's your "best friend?" then offer to allow her to wear a dress and stand next to you in your Irish ceremony. Have a destination wedding memory together. You want her to spend $800 (who cares if she makes more money it's a lot of money) to be a guest for an hour. If it's not religious how long is this ceremony going to be? 10 minutes? 4) just because we're brides we cannot expect adults to act in a specific manner. I can understand if you said your were hurt, disappointed, was hoping that this didn't affect your relationship, etc. But to threaten not to talk to her because of this ever again seems to be a bit much. 5) There are a ton of emotions and clearly a history between the two of you. If she doesn't want to come. While it's unfortunate. Then that's on her to not come, try to enjoy your day with your spouse and the family that did make the trip over.

I really think you need to be having a conversation with her and consider that her point about not wanting to go to Ireland is valid. You’re asking a lot of guests when you book a destination wedding. While I’m sure your sister loves you to death, paying for a trip to Ireland isn’t exactly cheap.

Hello don't cut her out just as of yet just give it some time to see if she will come to you an say I'm not coming to your wedding. Then after that if you do hear from her an she tells you that, then you make your decision but never cut her off feed her with a long handle spoon.

I think you need to respect her decision even if you feel she is just being selfish and awkward. I wouldn't cut her off but I'd tell her that I was disappointed and was looking forward to hearing her speech

When you have a DW that will cost thousfands for people to attend, you run the risk of people not coming. If you really cared about your guests being there, you should’ve checked with them before you planned this.

So I am going to have an unpopular opinion here but for all those saying her Wedding in Ireland doesn't mean anything because it is not legal is so hurtful to anyone who had a destination wedding. It does truly mean something as it is still a ceremony, they are still saying vows, God can still be involved if that is their choosing. So what if the piece of paper was signed before hand or after? No one actually sees the couple sign it. So why should it matter when the paper is signed. OP I believe your wedding is real no matter when the paper is signed, I mean come on its a piece of paper

View Quoted Comment Agreed. It’s also one thing to say “I would love to come, but I can’t afford it, I can’t get time off, etc.” It’s another thing to go around telling others “this wedding doesn’t benefit ME.” I just find that explanation so odd because when does a wedding benefit other people aside from the people getting married? Destination or not? And that explanation makes it seem like she wouldn’t attend a wedding regardless because it’s not about her (because she isn’t the maid of honour?) so all this discussion of the legitimacy of their marriage is moot and makes me feel bad for the person posting. I don’t know if I would cut contact, but I definitely would feel something if my sister acted this way.

View Quoted Comment But I think she the sister is going to the courthouse wedding. From what I understand.

View Quoted Comment I didn’t see that at all? Was this stated elsewhere? :/

She sounds like she's on the bratty side....that being said you call her your best friend and then say you may cut her out if she doesn't come. How does that make things better? Why don't you have lunch or something with her or maybe have a small bridal party of 1 on each side to make her feel included?

View Quoted Comment It is not just the money. When living north of Boston, 7 miles, it was an hour to the airport to arrive 2 hours ahead to park and do security, in air just under 6 hours until arriving over Galway, circling a while due to rain and planes stacked up. After touching down, just over 2 hours for luggage, entry passports and security. An hour to get car rental. We exited the airport 13 hours after leaving home. If bride and family come from WI, there must be an additional couple hours connecting flight to coastal airport for flight to Ireland. And wait between flights . Bride has mentioned basic cost of ticket, not all the extras. But 16 or more hours travel time, in each direction, is not mentioned. Horrendous amount of time in transit to go somewhere you do not want to be. It is not like she asked sis to drive an hour. Two long days travel time for a not legal not religious ceremony because bride thinks it romantic. And though it may sound nice, few people sister 's age ask to spend a week's vacation and travel, or more, using time off from work, to vacation with older family at a place they do not want to see.

View Quoted Comment

Actually, the congregation does see the couple sign the marriage license at an Irish wedding. The religious ceremony in Ireland is also the legal ceremony. In Catholic weddings (the major religion in Ireland), the bride and groom sign the license at the altar during Mass.

Just do you! My sister just disowned me...being childish. Her son was one of my ringbearers. I'm hurt a bit but don't loose any sleep.

I don't think is wrong if my brother told me that I would send him a invitation. Her bad, she is missing out on this life moment.

View Quoted Comment And a 800 plus dollar trip plus a week that the sister has to take off work at least a week most likely more.

Destination weddings are difficult. We are doing one, and none of our family members are coming. Not our parents, not my siblings. It is what it is and we're fine with it.

You need to sit with her though and have an honest discussion about her actions. Don't just cut her out. That's your sister. She may be mad or hurt and upset now, but you owe it to your relationship to be the bigger person and try to get to the bottom of the situation. If she can't come, that sucks, but at least you potentially have repaired the relationship itself. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment

It's just a piece of paper. Really? Tell that to all the same sex couples who were denied that piece of paper for hundreds of years. Tell them how meaningless it is. I don't think they will age with you.

It is not that this is of no importance because it is a destination wedding. It is the fact that the bride paints her sister as a terrible person for not wanting to come, and considers cutting off contact with sister for a long time or permanently, because she does not choose to come. The bride can have her DW romantic and to her meaningful ceremony. But to get upset enough to cut off or cause trouble in the family because her sister whom she says she is close to, say she is not coming. That is not about how meaningful the ceremony is. That is about bride having no ability or willingness to look at something from any viewpoint but her own, and cutting off familial ties with someone over it. I had a wedding not near home or either family or friends, though an equal several hours drive from most all but foreign relatives. But I did not get upset my closest brother could not lose 4 days during harvest time to make my wedding. Or that another brother who used up all his work time off for his wedding 4 months earlier, was saving any money and time off work left for the upcoming birth of their twins. They recognize my wedding to be important. But there is no bad feeling. I love them enough to be understanding. And in neither cases would anyone have a fit and cut off anyone over such a thing. No one is being disrespectful of DW, but many are against a bride being unable to see things from her sister's point of view, valid things, and simply be gracious about it. Brides with unreasonable, inflexible expectations, is the issue, not all DW.

View Quoted Comment Gross get a life you sound like a misery