My sister is in the wedding and wants to bring a 2 week old baby

This conversation has taken quite a turn...reading these comments makes me think of the cases where infants and toddlers died (or where hospitalized) from getting herpes from relatives kissing them. I'm sure those parents hoped no one with herpes would kiss their baby, but they did.

Also, it's a horrible situation that your sister is proposing to place your mother in. She's basically asking your mom to choose one daughter's wedding over another daughter's baby - not cool!

I can't wrap my head around adults acting like children. Couldn't understand it to save my life!

Let her bring the baby if she wants to (i personally wouldnt..too many other factors for a 2 week old) but I would tell her your mother will not be leaving early.

If she wants to bring the baby then she should be the one to leave early if need be. Her decision both ways but dont involve the mother of the bride.

I don't think whether the baby comes or not is really your call. Let your sister make that decision when the time comes. Plan for what will happen if she is there ready to be a bridesmaid and what will happen if she has to cancel last minute. Her kid, her call. Right or wrong.

As to your mother: it's also not your call whether she leaves early. You can express to both your mom and your sister that you'd prefer that she not be the designated babysitter and that you'll be very hurt if she leaves early. But if your mom chooses to leave early, that's up to her. She's a grown up and makes her own choices.

Let her have the discussion between her pediatrician or home nurse about whether to take baby or not. Let the mother decide.

But under no circumstances should she be relying on your mom to leave your wedding to care for her child.

Helena unfortunately some things that clear minded people wouldnt dare do or imagine happen. Its sad to say but it does happen. And it happens everyday. You just can't trust people now a days. For example, people who work in an office environment have the flu or pink eye ( let's just say). They know its contagious but they come to work anyway and cough, sneeze, rub their eyes whatever and pass the illness around the office. You would think that if they are contagious they would stay home but some don't. Not saying this will happen but who's to say it wouldn't.

When it comes to newborns, they are a unit with the new mom and in my book would either both come together or not at all. Personally, I would not attend with a child that young (all those germy adults wanting to play pass the baby, no thank you), I think your sister's intentions may be good because she doesn't want to miss your wedding, but she sounds awful naive in and a bit of denial about what new-parent life with a 2 week old will be like (and that is assuming baby comes 2 weeks early, what if baby is 1 week old or 2 days old instead?) I don't think OP's issue is that she doesn't want the baby to come, but that her sister assumes that a newborn at a wedding will be a breeze and won't interrupt with her plans to be a bridesmaid and so what if I make mom leave early to watch my kid.

OP, I don't think there's really anything you can do other than tell your sister and your mom that you would really like for your mother to stay and enjoy your wedding and tell your sister that there is no pressure to be in the wedding if she changes her mind, leaves the baby at home and comes for 1 hour, brings the baby and comes for 1 hour, or doesn't come at all. But if your sister still demands your mom be the babysitter at the cost of missing her daughters wedding, and your mom agrees to this, there's nothing you can do. Unfortunately, even if you don't agree with their decisions, you can't tell other adults what to do.

First of all - a huge congrats to your sister!!

At this point right now, this is all just speculation. You don't know (exactly) when the baby will come, and how your sister will feel! I would just let your sister know that you plan on moving forward with her as a bridesmaid but that ultimately the decision is completely up to her. If she feels like she needs to stay home, if she can only make it to the ceremony, if her husband has to stay home, or if they want to bring the baby - it's up to them.

I do think it's fair to take your mom out as an option But otherwise I'd just be incredibly supportive and prepare yourself for any of these scenarios!

Wow, thank you for all your responses! There was a lot of different things going on!

I wasn't really focused on the safety or health concerns of bringing a 2 week old out around germs/cold weather etc... that I would for sure leave up to my sister and not butt in. We are from an enormous family and childcare is nothing new for us. I think it will depend on the weather and the health of the baby when the time comes to make that decision.

There is no husband in the picture. My sister and the father of the child are in an on/off relationship. Legally he is designated as a sperm donor and she will have sole custody of the baby. Again, its up to her to decide if he can watch the baby but she has said he won't be.

Yes, I think my mother is in a very difficult position. She has told me and my sister both what we wanted to hear. That nothing will take her away from my wedding, but that she will leave with the baby. I think she wants to appease us both, and doesn't know what to do. On the big day she will do what she wants, but I will have my new husband, and that is what matters.

I disagree with anyone who says that she can bring the baby if she wants to. We are having an adults only reception, and we would have to make an exception for her that we are not making for anyone else who has children. She doesn't get to decide if the baby is invited, we do and that may mean she doesn't come. That being said, this baby will be my niece or nephew, and I already have 5 so I know how much I am going to love the new addition! I think my dilemma here is that I asked her to stand up in the wedding before she went ahead with this, and now she thinks she can still stand up in the wedding. I have danced around the topic of her not being a bridesmaid and she has flat out said that she wants to still be in the wedding. She is my sister and I love her and I want her there, but maybe it would be easier for everyone if she was there as a guest with less responsibilities.

It is too early to worry about this, and the pieces will fall as they will and it is not within my control. I just needed some feedback before she orders a dress that she can't wear. I have until July 1st to order the dresses and it would be easier to replace her now.

One more thing concerning her infertility, I know how difficult it has been for her and I know every piece of red tape. I've watched it. I've cried with her and for her. Hell, I injected myself with hormones and then had surgery inside my vagina so that she could be a mother. I don't need a lecture about how hard this is for her, but thank you for thinking of her.

17 years ago my aunt got married and my mom, who was the MOH had just had my brother 2 weeks before. I'm trying to remember what she did, because I know we have a family picture of all of us, including the little guy, at the wedding. But I was 11, so I don't remember what my did. I don't imagine he stayed the whole time, but my mom sure was. Maybe she had a baby sitter come and take him after a little bit.

@Jaime. You sound like an amazing person!! I think what you did for your sister is so beautiful and shows such love.

A baby that young should not be out with strangers and definitely should not be at the wedding -- not even talking about the inconvenience of a baby crying here, solely focused on the health of a newborn. I had a close friend who's baby (also born in January) caught RSV - adults carry it and it typically just looks like a cold or sniffles - and was hospitalized, it was very dangerous and extremely scary!! Maybe your sister can compromise by just coming to the ceremony, but I think you have to convince her that it is not her child's best interest to be at your wedding.

This sounds like something for her to figure out and decide. She may change her mind as the date nears.

I would kindly say no. That my mother being there for the event is more important to me and not have a 2 week old baby. Sorry but I wouldn't be for this.

So many doctors on this post.

"We are having an adults only reception, and we would have to make an exception for her that we are not making for anyone else who has children."

It's pretty standard that newborns are an exception to the adult only rule. Honestly, I think it would be pretty crappy to tell your sister she can't bring her 2-week old because of your adult only reception. You're wrong on this one.

Ding ding ding, there it is. You don't want the baby there, flat out, AND you want to kick your sister out of the BP. I'm too lazy to scroll back, but I'm going to agree with whoever posted that you're worried this miracle baby is going to steal your thunder.

I absolutely agree that your mother should not leave early with the baby, but the rest should be up to your sister. She should handle any decisions about if she will attend or not. Maybe closer she will decide being in the BP will be too hard for her and step down herself.

Sit down with her and your mom and say that you don't want your mom leaving (again I'm getting the vibe that you feel this baby would be stealing your mom away on your wedding day) and that's understandable.

Newborns are the exception to the rule and no one would complain that their child wasn't invited.

Another thing to consider ...

I would not have taken DS to a wedding at two weeks old. Not because of germs - we went places, but because for a very long time, he ate every two hours. Around the clock. Sometimes shorter intervals. No way would I have been anywhere for an extended time period because I was way too exhausted. I slept when he slept. I wouldn't have even been able to function at a wedding. I get not all babies are like that, but some are. Your sister' might be. She could be way too tired to shower, never mind go to your wedding.

Side note - DS slept through the night for the first time at 14 months 4 days. After that it was very sporadic.

ETF typo

Maybe read my post again. I didn't say she can't bring the baby. I said I disagree that it's her decision to stand up with the baby.

I may be an oddball, but if I donated eggs for my sister to have a baby...I wouldn't care if she held/slinged the newborn during the ceremony.

I'd just say - hey, don't have mom leave early...let's figure something else out.