My boyfriend and I have been together 5-1/2 years. We’ve been talking about getting engaged for the past two years and, from what I can tell, it looks like it’ll happen this coming year (yay!). I’m a designer in the working world and have been dreaming up ideas for my future wedding over the past year. My boyfriend and I both agree on the big things which is nice: we’d like to keep it humble in size, with a majority of the money going towards food and drinks.
This is where it gets tricky, because I’m so excited about being engaged and marrying the man of my dreams, but my mom is already stressing me out with the planning that hasn’t even officially started yet. My bf and I are currently living in Colorado but grew up in NY, and we’d really like to host our wedding back home in the Hudson Valley to make it easier on our friends and families. My mom keeps insisting that we host our wedding on Long Island, where her family lives. This not only makes it hard for my boyfriend’s entire family, who lives in the Hudson Valley, but also for my dad’s side of the family who lives even further away. Every time I explain to her that neither me nor my bf wants to get married on Long Island, she sends me venues that are down there saying how gorgeous they are.
Next: My boyfriend and I have come up with a tentative guest list consisting of 50 people. When I showed to to my mom, she insisted on more than doubling that list so that it includes anyone who’s ever invited her to a wedding, long lost family friends, 3rd cousins, etc. There are many people on her list who I’ve never met, and some I really don’t care for. My bf and I only want people who are most important to us at our wedding. While this list is still growing, she’s insisting on paying for our wedding. This is putting my boyfriend and I in a tough position. While we appreciate her and my dad offering to pay, we’d rather put money into things we care more about, rather than spending all of the money on a huge guest list. She’s already suggesting doing a beer/wine only reception to cut back on costs, and I can only image what will happen when she sees to costs of caterers that we like.
I think the worst part about all of this is that she’s insisting that I’m “already being a bridezilla”. I’m the one who wants to keep things small and intimate, while she’s turning it into an over the top circus.
Does angone one have any suggestions on what to do to reign her in? I’m not even engaged yet and I’m already stressing out about having to sacrifice the few things I really want in my wedding. I’m pretty flexible with things and absolutely don’t want to bankrupt my parents planning the wedding, but my mom is just insisting on having things her own way and it’s getting out of hand.
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