My mom is taking over my wedding... and I’m not even engaged yet!

I'd stop talking about the wedding you aren't even engaged for yet. There is no point in adding stress where it isn't needed (yet). Its exciting and wonderful she wants to help but she also might scare your boyfriend if you're already planning this whole event and arguing before he even got down on one knee.

I'd stop all wedding talk until the engagement comes. Its ok to talk about and agree on things with your boyfriend, but your mom does not need to be involved at all at this moment.

If she brings it up again, tell her you aren't making any decisions until you get engaged and set a date.

I would stop discussing weddings with anyone besides your boyfriend, especially until he proposes. Then after you are engaged, I'd talk to your father in private and explain how you are feeling and maybe he will be able to help with your mother. I'd start saving now though, in case you have to pay for the wedding yourself if your mother won't pay unless it's done her way. Then I'd talk to your mother too, let her know how you are feeling. But again, I'd do all this AFTER the engagement. It takes the fun out of the engagement to start doing all of it before!

I agree, stop planning.

When he does propose and you're actually engaged, let the planning commence. If you can afford the wedding you want without help, do it. All money will come with suggestions and sometimes demands. If someone would like to contribute, you tell them how they can, if they don't like it, they can put their checkbook away.

At the end of the day, this is your wedding and you get to feel the very best you can in the very best way possible. If that is in the Hudson Valley, then so be it. You're going to ruffle some feathers, but if it's what makes you happy, then that's that.

My future in-laws are paying for a welcome dinner the night before our wedding and a breakfast the day after. We only asked that my FH's dad cook the dinner and then they come up with everything else, even paying for it. People want to help, you just have to guide them and give them boundaries. (Side note: I have the best future in-laws, his mom runs everything by me and when I say no politely she says OK and that's the end of it. They're so sweet.) FH and I are paying for everything else because we didn't want to be bound to anyone else's demands.

Make it clear that you're paying for your possible wedding yourselves (and thus have all the votes--she doesn't get to invite people). Then stop talking with your mother about your possible wedding.

1. Don't accept any money from her when you do start planning your wedding. Then she has no room to make decisions about your wedding.

2. Say "No". This is complete sentence. You don't owe her an explanation for why her guest list isn't invited. My mom's initial list (we courtesy asked all of our parents who they would like invited but made it clear not everyone would) she gave all of my underage cousins a plus one and included 3rd cousins and their kids. It was uncomfortable but I told her no. My 16 year old cousin doesn't need to bring her best friend to a family wedding and I don't need to include people I haven't seen in 20 years. She was upset, and it bothered her, I know... but she couldn't contribute any money and I didn't want to have these people there. My dad contributed some money so his guest list was stretched more because he was helping to pay for the wedding. Start setting the boundaries now because this will continue to be an issue if you allow it to be as your live move forward.

Also, when you ARE engaged, be careful with the information you give her in advance. Not saying she would but some people have talked about their parents inviting guests behind their backs. If she would do this, you want to head that off at the pass as well by keeping details mum until she needs to know them.