My mom is so hurtful

This is going to sound rude, and I'm sorry, but your mother has some serious issues if this is the hill she wants to die on to miss her daughter's wedding.

Can't even comprehend it, and I'm sorry you have to deal with it.

It's not. She is being rude both to your guests and to you. I'm sorry you are going through this. Since she's not paying, there is nothing for her to "put her foot down" about. You are doing the right thing by serving beer and wine and respecting adults to make decisions for themselves.

Something like this. I don't think she'll actually not attend the wedding but her threat is very damaging. I don't really even want to try to make up with her right now because I'm so hurt honestly. I'm put in this corner because we are so close to the wedding. I have so much on my plate right now and I really can't deal with this. I feel like she's being such a bad mom.

She told my Grandma she's upset because she hasn't had enough say so in the wedding. She got upset at my sisters wedding for the same thing. Both my sister and I have tried to include her in multiple ways and she always lets us down. She told me after my sister's wedding she wanted to have a role in the ceremony which I was all for. I suggested she walk me down the isle with my father and she liked that idea but apparently my dad wants to be the only one to do that and told her she can't do that. Today (before she yelled at me) I asked her to read scripture during the ceremony and she said she would if I wanted her to but that it didn't really excite her. I asked her if she had another suggestion and she said no. I have asked my mother to do at least 3 things for the wedding and she hasn't done any of them, I had to take over for all of them. She always complains her life is so crazy. I don't know what else she possibly wants me to do.

I'm just so depressed at this point, I feel so hurt.

Sorry to hear this...that she would throw this, so very important, day to the wind on a really flimsy notion is beyond me. As a mother, I would never ruin my daughter's day like that...I'd grit my teeth, grin, and bear it if I had such a hangup over this. But I would NEVER EVER abandoned my daughter on her day. *hugs*

I'd tell your mother that "it's unfortunate she feels that way, you hope she changes her mind, but you understand".

And be done. Don't play the game.

Honestly it's your wedding day and if your mom can't put that aside to be there for you then that's really sad. This is a once in a lifetime experience and it's supposed to be special. Just remind her of that. Hope it works out for you.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I would tell her you aren't going to chase her and let it be.

Agree with MrsA. Don't play her game. My mother had a lot of issues with my wedding as well and threw fits about them - she wasn't "involved enough" (even though she never actually offered any help, just complained when she wasn't included in things), didn't think I should spend as much money as we did (we actually had a very normal budget), etc., so I totally understand what you're feeling right now. Hopefully she'll put on her big girl panties and get over it, because this is truly a horrible reason to miss out on her daughter's wedding. It's hard pleasing parents, especially ones who are higher maintenance, but at the end of the day, we have to hope that they will be happy and celebrate with us regardless of whether or not they get to be involved exactly how they want to be. And if not, then it's their loss - as horrible as it is, there is only so much we can do! I'm sure your day will be beautiful, and I hope that it all works out smoothly!

It's all just so manipulative. My dad will talk her in to coming but she'll have an attitude the whole time. I'm not a mother but I can't imagine doing this to my daughter, it seems very selfish.

We could try to do some emergency counseling session I suppose but that just takes so much emotional energy and 18 days before my wedding I don't have a lot of extra emotional energy.

I can't believe she is saying this stuff to you. She is your mother and I'm sure she will be at your wedding, just give it time. You need to tell her that other people drinking excessively is out of her control and she can only control herself. Regardless of you providing alcohol at your wedding, people will always find a way to have some regardless so it's silly she is even having this conversation with you.

Sometimes our parents just plain suck! Sorry you are going through this i would stick to your guns and tell her you hope she changes her mind but this is what it is.

It sounds like SHE is the one with the problem. You do not HAVE to include her, she doesn't get to have a say in the wedding (unless she is paying), and she also doesn't HAVE to come. I have a feeling she'll be there but you need to make a deal with yourself to enjoy your day no matter what she says or does. You deserve that because you are not the problem, she is.

None of you guys are being rude, don't worry about that. I always try to understand someone else's perspective but honestly I just really can't in this situation. I understand that she is not getting her way and she's mad about it. For whatever reason she seems to feel like serving alcohol makes her look bad (because people assume they are serving it).

I hope she doesn't destroy the day. I guess I need to find a way to emotionally prepare myself not to deal with her antics. That's a little easier said then done but I guess that's part of being an adult.

I am so sorry that you are in this situation. I do understand your frustration with your mother over this. My situation is a little different I am choosing not to invite my mother to my wedding to due a very personal and series matter, but I still understand the pain of hearing her tell you that. Again I am so sorry. Hopefully she will come around.

If you have a close friend or your close with your sister, you can ask her to run interference between you and your mother if she becomes an issue on your wedding day. I agree with PP, to not even engage in her game right now. But if the wedding day comes and she's trying to turn it into drama or whatever, just excuse yourself from her presence, or her from yours. And have someone as mentioned before keep her at bay. A day of coordinator would also be a good person for this if you have one.

Elizabeth, if she's afraid the bar will reflect badly on her (?) tell her you'll put a sign on the bar that says, "Drink up, complements of the bride & groom!"

I'm totally feel your pain. My mother has decided that she doesn't want to attend my wedding, so I totally know what you're feeling. I didn't realize how upset I was about it until after her dropping hint after hint that she didn't want to go, I finally said okay. So I'm really sorry. I hope she's bluffing and decides to show, and if she does hopefully it will be a wonderful day. Best of luck.

Is your Mom "hosting" the wedding? Like, is her name on the invite? If so, she may feel that she has ownership of this so as to speak.

Having said that you're in the right, not her. It sounds like an emotional manipulation tactic so that she gets what she wants.

I'd call her bluff. I'm sure she won't miss the wedding. Missing out on that for her probably won't be worth the point she feels she needs to prove. That's my guess anyway. I hope it works out for you! Congrats in advance on the wedding.

@jacks my parents are paying about 1/3 the cost of the wedding. The money they are giving they directly paid to the venue and the caterer and my dress shop. Their money in no way goes towards alcohol.

What's crazy is my wedding is actually really small. Only about 60ish people and most of those people are family. Not all of the people are even drinking age, it seems like it wouldn't be that hard for the bartender to notice if they really needed to cut someone off.

Thank you to

Oops, that sent before I meant it too. Thank you to the girls that have shared their stores about their own mothers, although I hate that you're also in the same situation it's nice to know somebody understands where I'm coming from.