My grandmother is well - brash - how to deal? She is so rude...

I'm so sorry, GrayCat. Wedding planning is stressful enough without everyone else trying to add their 2 cents (or in the case of your grandma, more like 2 bucks) on what they think you need. I agree with some of the others, that if she's going to be that way with you, you should take the same attitude back with her. If she can't take her own medicine, she shouldn't be dishing it out. Put your foot down and stand your ground. Let her know that you will be having the wedding you want to have, not the wedding she wants you to have, and if it's that big of a deal to her that the bagpipes not be there or you're not wearing a certain dress, then tell her not to bother coming to the wedding. That might make her pipe down. I'm sure she'd rather be at your wedding, even if it doesn't have all the bells and whistles she thinks it should have, than not be there at all.

I hope things get better for you!

Whenever my gma says something irrational or hurts my feelings I pretend get really upset/on the verge of tears and that normally shuts her up and she apologizes and says how much she loves me hah! Just throwing it out there! Guilt trip! Let her know dramatically how much stress it's causing you. Don't know if it would work with this particular gma.

Pick just one thing, for instance the bagpipes or what FH is wearing, and ask her why this is so important to her. And then really listen as she talks. It may be that she just thinks its not a wedding without whatever it is. Or it may be really important to her for a very important reason. Then if it is something you are willing to bend on then explain to her that you really cant afford it but before you do that make sure you have your ducks in a row. For instance lets say the bagpipes are the thing that she tells you about and you decide you might be willing to bend on then go check out what it will really cost, do not guess go get info. Then go back to her and say "Grandma FH and I checked into having a piper and the cost for a piper for X period of time is Y amount of money, our budget is already stretched tighter then we expected and we really cannot afford the added cost but it was a really lovely idea." At that point she only has two reasonable answers; offer to pay for it or shut up about it. At that point you appeared to have tried to give her "what she wants" you are not able to do it etc.

The other effect this may have when you ask her "why so and so is so important" she may discover she does not have a good answer which also may shut her up about it.

Lastly you may find out things you never knew about her own wedding, her life, or your family traditions from bygone generations.

Her favorite thing to say is "it's not a wedding unless you have *blank*. She also seems to think it is wildly inappropriate for grooms and groomsmen not to wear tuxedos at a wedding - and yet grandpa wore a suit to theirs. She has been unable to proffer up an explanation for that one. At the dinner the other night she said something yet again about a bagpiper. Okay, a lot of people have heard bagpipes on TV but I do not think many people have heard them in PERSON. They are LOUD as in deafening - even outdoors. I told her it would not be a good idea because it might scare the children that might be attending the wedding. She said "well they can get over it". *Sigh* I stopped the conversation when I brought her pie and got her talking about manicures LOL!

Whenever you give a reason why you don't want something, people will think that's why you're not actually doing it, and try to problem-solve and give you a solution. From now on, it just has to be "no" or "I don't *want* them".

Sounds like she still hasn't gotten over your gpa wearing a suit and not a tuxedo and she wants to live vicariously through your wedding LOL. It happens. Is she very elderly? My gma is a young gma but my great gma is 84 and she rambles and rambles and rambles about nothing and most of the time I say nothing she just loves having someone to talk to

Just as a side note regarding the piper: I'm having one and all of my family weddings have had one. They are loud. Because of that they usually aren't in the actual room with you, they usually stay just outside of the doors so that they can be heard without being obtuse. We are having an outdoor wedding and the piper will be a good distance from the ceremony. They aren't cheap though, and you shouldn't get one if it's not what you both want.

She might be trying to live vicariously through me, that thought did cross my mind She is 83, and VERY much with it, I just think she reads too many fashion and celebrity magazines and thinks (in her mind at least) it is the same as real life haha!