My grandmother is well - brash - how to deal? She is so rude...

He is going to need to tell her, since he is the one getting cornered.

My grandmother is not this bad but I've had similiar issues. I have mastered a couple of sayings: "That's interesting, we'll consider it," and "It's in our budget" (she thinks any amount of money is too much). If she continues the conversation, I walk away. It's SOOOO hard sometimes though.

Well, he tried that. She will just deflect her rant to the next person only to then begin shouting across the table. FH was raised to never disregard a grandmother, and I agree to an extent, but my grandmother does this on purpose to draw attention to herself. My aunt and uncles of course find this to be hilarious - at FH's expense. We have not taken her to lunch in a year because when FH was able to get away from her at the restaurant, she started having the same conversation with the random waiter we had. "WELL, don't YOU think that young man right there needs to wear a tuxedo to marry MY gorgeous granddaughter." LIKE OMG GRANDMA!

And both me and FH have said the "we will considers, we will think about its, if it is in budgets, and straight up NO"...the woman will just not let up.

I know she's your grandma...but generally I've found that the only way to deal with brash people like that, is to be equally brash back. "Good lord Grandma, give it a rest will you?" sounds so rude but may get through to her more so than a polite "I don't think he really wants to wear a black tux."

I'm kinda hung up on the part about her wanting a piper for the ceremony. Like, someone playing pipes? What kind of pipes? Bagpipes?

Yes bagpipes, my family is of Scottish heritage but his is not. I would have one but it is not in budget. I did get snappy with her on that and told her if she wanted a piper she could of course pay for it. Well that shut her up right quick - but now she gives us the old "oh, it's such a shame" BS every time we see her.

How do your parents feel? Are they willing to get involved? Would your grandmother listen to them any more than you?

I feel like there's no right answer. You want "kind", but she clearly doesn't respond to that. In your shoes, I'd probably say:

"Grandma, you constantly bringing this up is making our visits with you unpleasant. The answer is no and I don't want to hear another word about it."

Seriously, people like this don't get "their feelings hurt"-- she may be mad, but my guess is that she wouldn't hold a grudge and it should be more effective than being wishy washy.

Bagpipes?? haha! Wow, she sounds like a real doozy.

She sounds like my FMIL with how opinionated she is ....... she also started going on about how we should have an outdoor ceremony .... freaking rain is the LAST thing I need to worry about on my wedding day.

Anyway, I agree with an above comment - you might have to get tough with her to get it through her head that it's YOUR wedding, not hers.

Just agree with her and then do whatever you want.

The bad thing is, I cannot say yes of course grandma we are having all the men in tuxedos because then will begin the barrage of her barking color choices and fit. I would not care about this at all if she did not start these rants in front of other people - but that is her grand stage. For example, the dinner we are having tonight is going to be about my cousin coming home after moving out of state 6 months ago and no one has seen her. Grandma will try and force the table conversation to be about my wedding - yes that is how she is.

Just to put this into perspective - I told her I went dress shopping but not that I had found a dress - I did not get that far into the conversation. She cut me off and gave me a list of places where I could get *insert the gown she wants me to wear here*. For two weeks she called me every day - often when I was at work - to ask if I visited the salons she suggested (two hours drive from my house).

She did not give a damn that she called me at work, that was not important, what was important was that I went to all those salons (notice my sarcasm). So, when I broke the news that I had found the gown elsewhere, she accused me of lying and I needed to send her a picture ASAP. The dress is at the salon and will be until the end of this year. This was when she diverted to the tuxedos because "At least she can see FH in the tux SHE WANTS since I hurried up and got a dress she didn't get to force her opinion on".....

@GrayCat.. I think the only way you are going to handle this is to be stern with grandma. I would say something like

"I am sorry you don't approve/like the way I am doing xyz with MY wedding however it is my wedding. You are making me feel bad and putting a wedge between us. I don't want this to happen but unfortunately if you continue to behave like this, I will need to distance myself".

In my mind she is bullying you and your FH and until you step up to the plate and set her straight, she will continue to do so. Sorry but I see no other option.

I would lie. I'd tell her everything she wants to hear.

There is no rocket science involved here. Grandma gets away with this because everyone LETS her get away with it. Respecting your elders has its place but they need to respect your decisions too.

Repeat after me,

Gma: blah blah blah black tux is a must! (or your dress, or the bagpipes, or whatever else she comes up with)

You: Gma we have chosen something else and the discussion is closed

If you guys have one very to the point discussion with her and tell the choices have been made and the topic is closed that would be a good start. Then, each and every single time she brings these topics up you need to tell her "Gma, we already told you this is a closed topic." Then, turn around and leave or hang up - EVERY SINGLE TIME! Be the ones who set some boundaries with this woman and show her their are consequences to her behavior. It will never change unless you do.

So far, she has a good gig going.

I would elope just to spite her

Grandma has been like this forever with the family, so I am not shocked at her behavior at all. But this stuff she started with FH just takes the cake. I feel like she is doing it to spite me because she is better apt to "get away with it" with FH because she knows he will not blow her off. If I honestly did not have to invite her to the wedding, I probably would not.

Master the art of saying "if you want something special at my wedding, be prepared to pay for it" :-)

Back your husband up-- say, "Grammie, DH is a good person, and it hurts my feelings when you insinuate that he.... wouldn't have married me/whatever." If she suggests/demands something about the wedding just go for, "I'll talk to DH about that."

My grandma got stonewalled from wedding planning for being brash

when she wants something special: "it's so nice of you to offer to pay for something like that!"

when she bitches: "then I guess you don't need an invitation, thank you for making room for someone else"

in general: "let us know when you decide not to be a bitch!"

don't take crap from this old bitter woman.

It doesn't sound like she is trying to be rude. It does sound however like she is used to getting her way. My mom does that with my sister but not with me because I address it every single time....but I always have even when I was younger. I would sit down and have a heart to heart talk woman to woman but don't be passive. Or option 2....tell her everything she wants to hear and when she doesn't see it in the wedding say something like grandma really tried but......