My children are not invited to a destination wedding

I’m sorry to hear that you’re in such a tough situation. It’s hard when you have to choose between your children and your family. 😔

I think you should talk to your family and see if anyone can help you out. Maybe someone is not going to the reception and can take care of your kids. You never know until you ask.

I hope you can find a solution that works for you and your family. Don’t feel bad about asking for help. You deserve to enjoy the wedding and have some fun.

The second option sounds the "best" in this scenario. It's less than ideal, but this would also cut down significantly on travel costs and you may end up enjoying a weekend to yourself.

Option 1: As MoH, would you be able to switch with your husband? I think he would be there but as a babysitter and not able to attend the ceremony or reception. If he does not mind doing this, it could work out.

Option 2: This is obviously your choice, but I would not travel to Europe solo, for my sister or otherwise. If my husband couldn't go, I wouldn't go either.

Opti9n 3: This would be my choice if your husband is not willing to come just to stay with the kids. Apologize to your sister that you have to step down as her MoH, and explain that you are not willing to leave your children with someone who is not family, and certainly not strangers, nor are you willing to travel or attend the festivities without your spouse. She may be upset, but this is a situation that often comes up with destination wedding where children are not invited.

I don't blame you one bit for not being willing to leave the children with anyone but your husband or close family if you are traveling internationally. Destination weddings can be a burden in the best of situations but combined with no kids invited it sounds like anything you do may be a burden of time, vacation time apart from your family, vacation days used up, and money.

In your sister's place I would never put location ahead of all of my guests, but as a best friend and sister I'd probably end up sacrificing, even beyond what is reasonable in order to be there for her once in a lifetime wedding. Too often hosts of DWs don't fully appreciate that it's not just a question of accepting the possibility that people won't come. It's that you're putting people in an unreasonable position when you know they will.

Your options are the practical alternatives. I'd probably attend most of the wedding even if H traveled there with the kids. If you have no interest in a family trip to this location, or have limited vacation days I'd go solo and head back home right afterwards. And if any of this exceeds what you're willing or able to sacrifice, then step down and send regrets.

I would absolutely talk to your sister up front. I wouldn't ask for an exception, I'd put it on the basis of being able to attend. It's possible she'll eventually make the exception on her own. There's nothing wrong with a child free wedding but combined with an overseas destination it means many people, including her nearest and dearest simply may not be able to make it. Personally, I think it' s quite rude to expect people to take your idea of their vacation without their family or at all, TBH.

Option 2 with a fast turnaround time, if you feel comfortable traveling alone. Unless your spouse, and young children are seasoned travellers, bringing the family is logistically difficult at that age, so save your vacation time for your own plans. Option 3 is the second most reasonable and understandable from the couple's POV.

In general, it's perfectly acceptable etiquette for invitations to children to have cut offs by age or relationship, ie no child under 13 or only children of siblings. Children in the wedding party are not an exception simply by virtue of being in the wedding party. They are simply child guests of a certain age with a special honor. They are supposed to be in attendance due to the relationship, not the role. You wouldn't invite one child to be flower girl and exclude their sibling or a first cousin related in the same way, It's typically fine to invite only immediate family kids. In fact, this is the case at the large majority of weddings I attend. The complication here is that it's also a destination wedding.