My bridesmaid is making me want to cry *update* she "quit"

Read the email. She seem concern for you and want to make sure that is indeed that dress you want her to wear! You should thanks her for checking in with you!

I guess I'm just looking at it in context, and when you do that, it shows her telling me she doesn't like it. I'll just keep trying to ignore this. Thanks everyone.

@Trex she asked was I a queen and kindly answered. And I dont think she needs back up.

@Chissy what kind of friends are they to want to give me hell with my wedding planning??? So do yall just let ppl run all over you?? So she can give the bride hell but the bride cant dish it back?? Im confused.

After some back and forth, it turns out that she is angry that I chose a dress she can't wear again. I'm afraid she's going to drop out, which will 100% end our friendship - which it seems like was over already, I just hadn't gotten the memo

I truly am sorry about this- especially so close to your wedding. Don't let her ruin your day, though. You'll be gorgeous and you'll be married.

@MrsNerd. Aww im sorry. I really hope and pray that everything works out for you. Please try your best to not let it stress you. I know that it may be hard not to. But trust me everything will work out. I wish you luck

Just sent the final, long email. The end is basically "If you'd like to fix this and forget this conversation ever happened, that's fine. We can just chalk it up to both being stressed. If you won't get past it and you don't want to be involved, then just tell me. Up to you."

I almost hope (no, I do hope) she just says forget it, she wants out. All she does is make me sad, and she hasn't been a good friend. Also, I said since the main issue is obviously the dress, I would reimburse her return cost and she could wear what she wants.

I'm going to try to go for a walk/run, since it's nice and cool out. Or I'll stay in bed and cry. Not sure yet!

Eek sorry you are having to deal with this... It sounds like you tried to be accommodating to her and she still isn't happy. Hopefully it will all work out and she realizes that very rarely will any bridesmaid dress be something she can wear again and move on

For anyone following my nonsense, she just "quit". Because I came back to her email, where she made a snide remark about my mother asking her to be involved in a shower (surprise to me) and said "I literally asked you to buy a dress - that's all I asked of you, so I don't know why you keep saying that you felt like I was obligating you to do all these things." I feel like it's open-ended though. "You're being pretty clear with me about how you'd like this to resolve. I do truly hope you have a lovely wedding and a happy marriage. hopefully you can accept my well wishes. I'm sure at this point I am no longer welcome at your wedding, so please update my RSVP accordingly and hopefully that will relieve some of the stress you are feeling."

Am I supposed to come back begging her with an apology? Because I don't think I owe one and all she's done is make me unhappy.

If you don't want to apologize to her, don't. You said you felt like your friendship was already over so no need to continue discussing it with her unless you changed your mind.

It sounds like she might have just slammed her hand on the self-destruct button herself to get herself out of her responsibilities as both bridesmaid and friend. No need to apologize if you don't want to because you do not owe her that. Closure is what you make of it and it sounds like she's been unreasonable despite your best efforts.

She didn't have to like the dress, but she didn't need to have that attitude as your friend. I'm sorry this happened to you.

I don't feel like you need to apologize. If the friendship is over, don't respond. If you are still open to her attending your wedding as a guest, tell her.

Also, I think it's hugely destructive to be having these conversations via email and text. TALK IN PERSON.

@LizzyC is on point. I'm baffled that all of these convos happened over email. Regardless, if you have any hopes of keeping her a friend, you can tell her she's welcome at the wedding as a guest. If you don't do that then you're right - your friendship is over.

Whoops; double-post!

Honestly, her response to you makes it seem she wants it to seem like you want her out of the wedding. I know you made a post saying you'd wish she'd just drop-out now since she's being so negative, but it seems to me you made an honest attempt at making things work with her.

You said she's negative all the time; this, from the sounds of it, seems to be the first time she's being negative to you directly. I want to say that maybe something is going on with her that your wedding is bothering her; maybe a personal issue of sorts that she isn't ready to discuss with others quite yet.

You've done what you can and you did nothing wrong, in my opinion. She's just trying to make herself not look like the bad guy by putting her choice to step-down as your decision, not hers. She should just own-up to not wanting to be in the wedding than trying to make you out as the one that forced her out.

I'm so sorry this is going on. I feel that if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't have handled it as civilly as you did.

@Lizzy I tried to call and got no answer. I asked to talk and she said she'd try, and never called

@FutureMrsNerd - I'm so sorry to hear that she dropped out of being a bridesmaid. I pretty much had the same situation with my MOH. She didn't like the dress I had wanted her to look at, had a total attitude about going to look at any other dresses, etc.. Finally I just straight up asked her, "do you want to be in my wedding or not because if you have a problem with everything I do, it's just not going to work." She threw an absolute fit after that. I basically counted her out and I'm glad that I did. My wedding was awesome even without bridesmaids. I am glad that I didn't have to try catering to her all through out the day, like I know I would've ended up doing. Be glad you found out now rather than the day of. I know that's not what you want to hear but, you'll be glad you didn't have a bad friend up there causing a scene. Neither your "friend" or mine were truly friends.

& you do not owe her an apology!

I wouldn't apologize. She didn't have to take it to the extreme. And heck maybe you'd have paid for alterations if she couldn't afford them had sh just asked or said hey I'm having money issues....

I would say sorry you feel that way and I hope to see you at the wedding as my guest. And leave it at that. Don't feed the drama.

You don't owe her an apology.