Murder Mystery Party with a surprise wedding

Nancy - those sound like fabulous weddings!

Lindsey - That's entirely possible. We've actually not talked about marriage to our friends/family - they know we're in it for the long haul, and we've been vocal about not having kids (haha!) but haven't really talked about marriage. We haven't announced engagement and don't intend to, as part of that surprise. It's kind of fun to have this secret for just us!

I think it would be a blast!!

FH and I discussed having a surprise wedding, as were in a similar situation - second wedding, already have the house and kids, etc. I couldn't pull it off ... Too many OOT guests.

But I think yours sounds fun!! Logistics sound complicated, but if the venue is on board, go for it!

And you could always let a few in on the secret if they opt not to come. Or if it around anyone's birthdays, maybe you could tell them there's a "surprise party" and let them assume it's a birthday?

I think it sounds absolutely wonderful! But my opinions are not really all that popular on this site. I would say if there is ANYONE who might be upset by not knowing what you are doing let them in on the secret. Like my FMIL would not find it amusing.

I think telling parents defeats the purpose of a surprise wedding that has 0 input from someone other than the couple. I personally can't picture any parent I know keeping it a secret if their child was getting married. There's always 1 person they'll have to tell/invite. It'll be a snowball and eventually you'll be having all the wedding related stress you wanted to avoid. I say keep it a true surprise (aside from the aunt mentioned) and have fun with it.

Just an idea....what if you announced your engagement one month before and invited everyone to a murder mystery engagement party? And surprise! Engagement's over! I'm thinking that creating the pretext might help ensure everyone comes.

Having planned murder mystery parties for large groups (30-40 guests), I'd caution you with a few things:

1.) How many people is this particular murder mystery set up for? 40 person kits are harder to find, and many are for only 8-15 guests.

2.) How much of the host's guide have you read for this particular kit? Does it specify that the bride and groom are supposed to get married in the beginning, before the dinner and before the murder happens? Or do they intend for a wedding between characters to happen later in the game? If it's the latter, your actual wedding at the beginning of the story could actually confuse the mystery.

3.) The murder mysteries that I've been a part of in the past have a lot of affairs going on between characters. Are you sure you and your FH will be okay if one or both of you are playing characters who are cheating at your wedding?

4.) Are you certain the story doesn't call for one of your characters or a third character to interrupt the wedding ceremony? Usually, characters are told to act naturally until a certain person performs a certain action, kicking off the actual story. It's entirely possible that a character is supposed to discover a body during your not actually fake ceremony.

5.) Are you willing to ruin the murder mystery story for yourself in order to ensure you can logistically have a complete wedding ceremony at a time that will make sense to the plot?

I'm pointing these things out so you know, logistically, what to look out for to make both events work together, not to rain on your parade.

You know your crowd. I think PPs have pointed out a lot of very valid concerns/ potential issues, but if this is something your crowd would enjoy and not be likely to flake out on, then go for it. You mentioned it would be mostly family- maybe tell your parents and then one or two others who might be able to encourage attendance if needed.

This is very interesting. I like non-traditional, but I can't really wrap my head around a feeling about this one. The fact that I have no strong opinions in either direction might give you an idea.

I love murder mysteries, but I've been to some that got off course and never resolved themselves. I went to one around Christmas where a key character got too drunk and we couldn't find out any more information.

Honestly, depending on how seamlessly the wedding was done, I wouldn't think you actually got married. I would think it was all for the murder mystery.

I love the idea. To be truthful, I know a lot of people who would come out of town for a cool party like this but not necessarily a wedding. You know your friends family and guests it's your day do what you feel is best

That sounds so fun!!

I think that if it worked the way you want it too and is a lot of fun, I don't see people looking back and saying "Why didn't you do this instead?" But if that happens just say, "Maybe for a vow renewal later on!"

It absolutely does depend on the group. Honestly, some of our group might put more priority on a murder mystery party than a wedding! We are BIG TIME game people and they would think this was the best thing ever. I actually wanted to do this for a pre-wedding event somehow but could never work out a way to make it feasible between timing, budget, etc.

I love this idea. I think it will go great as long as everyone is pretty much local and can make it

*did not read the comments*

I've done several surprise weddings, and I have to say that the last one was one of my favorite weddings ever.

I've also catered hundreds of murder mysteries.

I love the surprise wedding idea (though you might have to let you immediate families in on it) but I'm not a fan of murder as a wedding theme.

Samantha, great questions!!

1.) How many people is this particular murder mystery set up for?

The set we're looking at goes up to 80.

2.) Does it specify that the bride and groom are supposed to get married in the beginning, before the dinner and before the murder happens?

The mystery is just the reception, after the wedding, so we thought we'd do our wedding at the very beginning - outline how the game works, throw in, "But you didn't get to see a ceremony! We should fix that!" and do it at the very beginning. Then dinner and socializing in the game from there.

3.) The murder mysteries that I've been a part of in the past have a lot of affairs going on between characters. Are you sure you and your FH will be okay if one or both of you are playing characters who are cheating at your wedding?

Yeah, this is not an issue for us. We don't mind this theme.

4.) Are you certain the story doesn't call for one of your characters or a third character to interrupt the wedding ceremony? Usually, characters are told to act naturally until a certain person performs a certain action, kicking off the actual story. It's entirely possible that a character is supposed to discover a body during your not actually fake ceremony.

The story line of this doesn't have a ceremony, but good to be aware of.

5.) Are you willing to ruin the murder mystery story for yourself in order to ensure you can logistically have a complete wedding ceremony at a time that will make sense to the plot?

I think we can make this work because the ceremony happens outside of the game at the very beginning.

My partner said, "We should do it on April 1. Then if someone asks if we're getting married, say, yeah, of course we're getting married on April Fool's Day." No lying even if asked directly. I laughed so hard!

We also talked last night about doing it at The Old Spaghetti Factory, which has some of the ambiance expected for a murder mystery. They have a banquet room and are available for $15ish per person, so very affordable. Then we don't have to rent the church hall and clean up ourselves, totally worth the cost of tips!

This is looking very doable!

I'm really more intrigued that this is something that people voluntarily do, I don't even like dressing up for Halloween.

M - Do you like playing games? We're a game playing family and get together regularly for game nights, with intricate board games and acting games.

We also get all dressed up for Halloween, so it may just be a different strokes for different folks kind of thing.

I like games, I HATE role-playing, dressing up, or anything where it's forced participation. But that's just me! I'll play a board or card game, but yeah. I was just surprised, it's cool if it's what you're into, I just didn't know SO many people were into it!

Glad to know that the murder mystery is centered on the reception and that the story and your real ceremony wouldn't interfere with each other. I'd plan to give your family an opportunity between the ceremony and start of the reception a chance to freak out a little over the fact that the ceremony was real. Give them all a chance to congratulate you in real life before expecting everyone to jump into character.

If this is something that you think your family would enjoy, it sounds like you can logistically make this happen.