Murder Mystery Party with a surprise wedding

I'm in the minority here but I kinda love this idea. Yes, you'll be risking people not making as big of an effort to come (as they would for a traditional wedding) but if you're OK with it and are OK with the possibility that they might be hurt realizing after the fact that they missed your wedding, I'm all up for it.

My circle of friends are big on games and things like murder mystery so I know it would be a hit with us but we've also never received a no-show or decline so the risk of people missing isn't there.

If you do this, please post a BAM!

Instead of the ceremony at the start of the dinner, you could opt for a small courthouse ceremony earlier in the day and then announce to the group that you have been married, and that the dinner is a celebration.

Or, you could announce at dinner that you plan to marry the next day at the courthouse and anyone who wants to attend can.

You will never stop the opinions all together, and be prepared for the opinions about the fact that it's at a mystery dinner.

You know your friends and family better than we do! I was going to say the same thing about people maybe RSVPing no or flaking, but since you said you guys have regular get-togethers with great attendance, then go for it!

'I don't really care about the wedding. I care about the marriage. I just want a fun party with my partner and our close circle."

Then you already know what to do! There seems to be a lot of traditionalists on these boards, so non-trad ideas can get shot down. If you know your guests and you know you'll all enjoy that, DO IT! (I would also like to see photos afterwards!

SO... You're getting surprised married and then doing a murder mystery representing the ending of your marriage? lol. I am also not a fan of surprise weddings. But if you don't want family opinions, why are you posting on a forum? You are going to get opinions...

"You don't want all the opinions, but you don't seem to understand that that's just a fact of life. Your families are always going to have opinions about everything you do."

On the contrary, I know it's a fact of life and want to nip it in the bud! I've done the marriage, kids, house, whole thing. I know I don't have to give in to others' ideas; it doesn't make it any less obnoxious.

Bee - we're game people, so yes! I think our group will really enjoy the game part!

Shiba - Why would we go to the courthouse instead? What is the benefit of not doing it there at the dinner?

I actually love this idea (perhaps it's the theatre person in me). As long as you understand that people may indeed flake out and not come, then go for it.

For the record, I usually hate surprise weddings. But a surprise wedding at the end of a theatrical event sounds intriguing - especially if it's your second wedding and you don't want to do something traditional.

It sounds like this will work for you! I'm all for non-traditional weddings, and I love murder mysteries, so I really hope you post a BAM

I LOVE this idea! My parents did a surprise wedding and I've always found it super romantic. My family was surprised when I announced I was having a traditional wedding. My parents had to spill the secret to someone who wasn't going to come, but that's what comes with doing it that way. Good luck and I definitely want to see the BAM after!!

Can you invite me please? Because this sounds awesome lol! I know some people probably wouldn't show, due to it being a "murder mystery dinner" but if you aren't worried about it then I say go for it! And please post a BAM

Yeah, you seem to have missed the point of what I'm saying. You *can't* nip it in the bud. It's going to happen. I was nicely trying to tell you to "suck it up, buttercup, and deal".

Yay for the non-traditional! The murder mystery is starting marriage with games and laughter and group participation, not traditions that don't mean anything to us.

I posted on a planning forum asking about how to plan. I'm trying to figure out the logistics of planning a party like this.

I hear you guys, that some people won't come because it's just a game and they don't think it's that important. I can't imagine anyone in our game-playing group deciding not to come because it's a game, but if you're thinking about it from your perspective, who your crowd is would definitely have an impact on this part!

"suck it up, buttercup, and deal"

Why? I'm too old to care about the traditions, and have learned that I'm better just avoiding drama in life than trying to "suck it up." I don't feel the need to spend months (or more) hearing what I *should* do. I absolutely can nip it in the bud by avoiding those months altogether.

Mystery, I actually would really enjoy this. All my concerns have been addressed by pp, so no point in repeating it again. If you do follow through with this, please share your experience and BAM. It's definitely unique and I would enjoy seeing it work out.

I think somehow you should tell them it's a wedding. I would feel almost rude if I went to something I thought was a dinner and it turned into a wedding.

NativeBride - can you explain why it would feel rude?

It might be a neat idea if it works out but this kind of stuff only works out on tv lol.

It's a logistical nightmare just to avoid people giving you opinions. It seems easier, and more adult, to say "thanks I'm good!" when people offer their opinions.

I checked to see where you live -- hoping that you're in my area, but you're not :-(

I've officiated 2 surprise weddings. One was a couple who had been together for a while. They invited family to Christmas morning brunch. We surprised the guests with a wedding!

The second was a young couple with a small child. They told the guests that it was a graduation party for the bride who had just finished college. Guests were surprised to see the graduate walk up the sidewalk in a wedding gown.

I had a groom who wanted to surprise his girlfriend with a proposal and then have me walk up to them on the beach and marry them. I had to explain that she had to go to the courthouse with him to get the marriage license (no waiting period). So, he proposed to her on the beach in the morning, they went to the courthouse in the afternoon and got the license. At sunset, I met them on the beach and married them. They may hold a record for shortest engagement!

I've also done surprise vow renewals (some planned by their children, some planned by one of the spouses).

I guess I'm not seeing the logistical nightmare of this. It's planning a murder mystery party, which is not that logistically difficult. Just a regular party, with a pop in of exchanging vows and rings. And a photographer and officiant, who would be in on it of course.

My family is small. My dad passed and my mom is the worst of the "it's not a wedding without XYZ!" So it seems best that she be surprised. My kids would spill the beans in 2 minutes, so they're best kept in the dark until the day of. And my aunt, I'd let in on it so she could come from out of the area.

I actually think this sounds fun. Some guests may catch on to your plan if you send invites to a wedding-themed murder mystery, especially if they know you're thinking about getting married. I would be worried about guests not making it a priority, but you know your guests better than we do. I hae no idea how to host a surprise wedding, or how to host a murder mystery party, so I'm really not sure what help I can provide. And for the record, there are plenty of people on here who have fairly non-traditional weddings.