Moving In Together Against Parents' Wishes

They can get over it. You're adults and can make your own decisions

I graduate in December and FH and I are moving in together sometime between now and then. As long as you're financially independent, you don't have to worry about their opinions. Additionally, my parents were like this at first too, but they got over it very quickly. Once they see that you living together isn't hurting anyone, they'll forget it. Don't stress!

FH and I moved in together right after I graduated. It just made sense. My parents weren't thrilled about it to begin with, but quickly got over it when they saw that it really was the best decision for us. Stick to your guns and do what you think is best.

It sounds like you two have really thought this through. If it's right for you two it's right for you two, and his parents will eventually realize that. Good luck!

I have friends who pretended for YEARS that they weren't living together. Depending on who's family was coming over, they'd hide the other person's stuff. It was totally insane but hilarious in retrospect.

But seriously, just do your thing and one day they'll forget all about it.

So I was in a similar situation when I graduated college. I wanted to move in with my now husband but my parents were against cohabitating. I waited until I had secured a job. Then we sat down with my parents and explained that I had a job and would be paying all my bills and explained why it made sense to move. They ended up agreeing that it was a good decision. I had prepared for both outcomes. I knew I’d be moving in with him with or without their permission. We lied to my grandma until we were married at my parent’s request, but she’s the only family member we were dishonest with.

I'd elope and eliminate the whole scenario.

"Why buy the cow if the milk is for free?" Many parents feel this way. Mine sure do.

@Nancy: If the only reason to join your life with someone as partners in marriage is to gain access to "the milk," you're doing relationships wrong. My partner and I have been living together and sexing it up on the regular for years. We got married because we love each other and can't imagine a future apart. Not because we are horny.

I moved in with FH at 22, and I'm glad we did because it gave us a chance to really see if we could live together before being married.

But my FH's mom and my dad were not ok with us moving in together (my mom and his dad could've cared less). But we did it anyways because we were adults and they both got over it. We did endure plenty of comments, like how my virtue was gonna be taken away (it was looong gone by then lol), we had to meet with a priest (we were going to be godparents for his niece, NOT because we were moving in together) who told us we were going to hell for living together and almost didn't let us be godparents. BUT we still said whatever it's our life and we're living together. Our parents are over it now and my dad looooves FH, sometimes I think more than me jk

If you're 100% financially independent then I say go for it and hope they forgive you. However a lot of people our age say they are independent but they're still not paying for phone, insurance, etc. I am 22 and FH is 23. He graduated in December and I graduated in May, we have been together for 5 years so I am a bit similar to you. I'm sure you can agree that the maturity levels of people our age can be very different!

@StPaulGal: I wrote what many parents feel, not necessarily how I feel. Reread the post. I am thrilled beyond words about your sex life. Thank you for sharing that with me.

@karen why does it matter how old she is? I don't think your comment was relevant to her post.

@Karen, I could probably throw some choice words at you, but I'll refrain and just say that your comments are pretty irrelevant in this situation.

@OP honestly, they'll get over it. Especially if you're financially stable on your own. Personally, FH and I chose not to live together before marriage, but I don't think there's anything wrong or irresponsible about your decision. For his parents, it's probably just the insinuation of sex happening that bothers them haha. Before you guys live together, they can pretend it doesn't happen. When you live together it's a given! They'll eventually come to terms with the fact that their son is an adult who is getting MARRIED and can make his own decisions.

My biological father is an evangelical and was not happy about us choosing to move in together. He told us multiple times that God would punish us with divorce...We are not religious and it should be noted that my father has been married and divorced 3 times. My fiance's parents were not enthusiastic about it either (they wanted him to live at home and save money until he could buy a house). We did what was right for us and our relationship.

Honestly, there are A LOT of growing pains that happen when you move in with your SO. It can be extremely stressful and a huge adjustment. I'm really REALLY glad we went ahead and moved in together before getting engaged/married. I can't imagine how rough that would have been to pile the stress of that transition on top of the stress of wedding planning.

I understand your situation as both of our parents are religious (especially mine) and nothing you say as far as reasoning with them about how your situation makes more sense this way financially and logistically etc. will change their minds because to them you are "living in sin" since that's what the Bible says. It's super frustrating and my mom knew first before my dad and she was so worried that he was going to try and disown me or something when he found out that she asked me not to tell him for a long time. We bought a house together last Spring and he didn't find out until then that we were living together, but at that point we were engaged and surprisingly he has not said anything about it, however I know he still doesn't approve. FH's parents didn't approve but never lectured us about it.

If you are both adults and are financially independent then you need to do what is best for both of you even though it sucks to deal with disapproving parents.

Unless your FH parents plan to pay rent for the second place, do what makes sense. I understand the religious aspect, but at the end of the day, you have bills to pay.

Idk, I wouldn't just assume "they'll get over it." Every person is different and handle situations differently. My parents didn't approve me moving in with my fiance and since they're a huge financial help for the wedding, I am respecting their opinions and haven't. I've been with my fiance for 4.5 years, engaged for over a year, by the way. However, they did compromise with me. I'm allowed to spend the whole weekend there. Although it's inconvenient and I'd rather just move in, it won't kill me. At the time, the wedding was still five months away. Now our wedding is coming up next month. And by that point, we will be married and I can move in with no hard feelings from anyone.

I just don't think that six months is worth making someone upset. It's not worth straining a relationship with your FH's parents. My parents disapproved and they're not even strongly religious. If his parents are as religious as you say they are, they may be harder to convince. Six months is a short time compared to the amount of years you two will be living together. That's just my opinion though!

Ha! My parents were pissed when me and FH moved in. Less than a year later, they were asking when we'd get married and have kids. They'll get over it.

As always, if you are taking money from parents assume that strings will be attached. This may be one of them.

My psychotic catholic mother found out FH and I were moving in together and LOST IT. However my grandfather (the one we thought would be against it) was totally supportive and told her to shove it up her ass. You're an adult, do whatever you want, they'll get over it.