Mothers turning wedding planning into a nightmare :(

Are either of them financially contributing?

I am so sorry you are going through this! I am also sorry about your FMIL! Cancers sucks so much! My father had cancer and it is hard on everyone! You both are in my prayers!

Now for the Photographer that is about what we are spending on the women we hired. So to me that is not crazy at all!

I am going kind of going through the same thing. But FH's mom is upset that we are letting my mom pay for everything when it comes to our wedding and she thinks she is being left out. In reality she is not being left out she is isolating herself. The first time that my mom came with FH and I to look at a venue we invited her to come along. The whole time we were there she was arguing with FH. The women who was giving us a tour at the end asked my mom and I if FH's mom liked the property or was there something that she did not like. Which made the whole thing awkward and embarrassing. She is I hate saying it but she is being a brat. I wont go into to more but I understand your struggle and I am so sorry!

Stop sharing details and giving options. Decide when tasting works for you. Tell both moms tasting is on this date. Hope you can make it.

Will give some background before I say my last statement. My dad is terminal from complications of a liver transplant. At the time of the wedding he was in and out of the hospital. Our young niece was diagnosed with cancer a month and a half before the wedding and started chemo three days before.

You cannot allow the illness to run your life nor should your MIL let it run her life. You will lose yourself in the process and not enjoy anything.

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His mom is contributing for the wedding cake and his father is contributing for the Disney points and airfare for the honeymoon. My mother is contributing for my dress. My FH is paying for the photographer (which is what his mother has issue with, although he volunteered and the photographer is a friend of his and went to the same college we both did). I'm pretty much using my savings for everything else. My father offered to assist but I haven't decided for what yet. My parents are divorced which opens a whole other can of worms that isn't relevant yet (where am I supposed to seat these people!??) but is always at the back of my mind.

I agree with a lot of the other comments. You will run yourself ragged trying to please both of them. Yes, cancer sucks but the most you can do is be positive and supportive and let her know you are there for her.

This is about you and FHs day. It’s not theirs, don’t give them options. Take into consideration why a certain day works better and go with that. Don’t share wedding details. If they bring it up, try to change the subject.

my FMIL was also diagnosed with breast cancer and because of that we have been spending a lot of time with FHs parents and my mom is having the same feelings of being left out and both are overly opinionated. I try to take some comments with a grain of salt but just realize that it will be our day. Best of luck OP, prayers to you and your families!

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I'll have to start doing that a bit. At least with his mother, mine is more involved by nature since I live with her still but that's okay. I want her involved but she's a preacher's daughter so she is very traditional and has already conceded that I am not having a church wedding or a preacher present.

Thank you for your words. I hope the best for your father and niece. Cancer sucks.

I just don't talk about my wedding and that solves that issue. I suggest you employ the art of "cookies?". Such as, Mom: "I think that this would be best"; You: "Hey mom, have you tried these Snickerdoodles, they're the best cookies, I have the recipe here."

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True. I already feel exhausted. Family drama around the holidays isn't helping either, which is why I was postponing a lot of wedding planning until the new year. We have a lot of time but I know it's going to go fast.

I'll know for sure once I get the invitations to the tastings from the venue. That should be in a couple weeks. I'm just preparing for everything to hit the fan. I'm half tempted to reach out to his sister and see if she had the same issue when she was planning her wedding.

Yeah, that's how my mom is feeling. She'll say, "it's like her opinion matters more than mine!" And it's rather ridiculous. Just because I'll inform them or ask for input here and there doesn't mean they matter more or you matter less. Like when it comes to my dress, veil, flowers and decorations and all that jazz, it's all you mom! So once we get to that point, I think she'll be okay.

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Hmmm...I may have to do that. Although I'm trying to keep cookies out of the house. Perhaps I can use "quinoa?" Instead.

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Any change of subject works.

Ok here goes...I’m divorced, my mother passed from
lung cancer, and I had a MIL from hell. First things first....they have all paid for specific things somonly speak of the specific things that they have contributed to. No need to talk about anything else as the day is not theirs. I have survived one wedding with me ex and will survive this one so for seating it is what it is. For the ceremony the parents, and their spouses, mates, whatever sit in the first row or two. You could place your mother in the first row, father in second with both of them on the aisle seat to give the best view. Their date, spouse etc can sit on the inside or you can sit them both in the front row with their other half between them. As for the reception you can opt for long tables and sit them at the first one however place a neutral party between them. My daughter is going to have me me, my aunt, uncle, then her dad and step mom. If you wish to do round tables you can have one table with your mom and her family, then your dad and his. They are adults and honestly regradless of why they are divorced they should be able to act correctly. Stop speaking with anyone except your fiancé and maybe you MOH about he wedding plans. If someone asks just tell them that everything is handled and change subjects. If they continue to ask just discuss the plans for the things they are paying for. As for the tasting you can say that it was your decision to have it closer to the date so you could pick out exactly what items will be in season, available, etc. On your mom just tell her that it may appear that you guys are picking sides but you really are not. You are doing what you want. I can tell you as a mom involved in a wedding I only want the very best for my daughter. I also want her to get what she wants and sometimes it appears that I am being pushy, overbearing, basically a witch but I only what her to get what she wants. I hop this helps!

My parents and my FH mother are all helping us in the wedding financially. But they do not get involved because in the end of the day they want us to be happy with our wedding. They pretty much said, here's x amount of money I hope it helps with the wedding. My mom does ask from time to time to see my ideas and all but isn't negative.

It might be a good idea to throw a little white lie and say that you've put a pause to the planning and continue to plan. I know it might be tough, but its also your wedding and you should do what makes both of you happy ( you & your fiance)

If they are paying for certain things, they get a say in whatever they are paying for. Otherwise, I would stop discussing the details until a decision is made. Then you can tell them the decision and that it can’t be changed.

My mom was a disaster for the first 6 months of our engagement. She was jealous I had any sort of relationship with my FMIL and hated that I invited her to join us dress shopping and to look at the venue. She was stuck on "this is the bride's mother's job". She calmed down with time. It all gets less glamorous after the big things are done. I usually would just change the subject when she brought up wedding stuff and laughed about how ridiculous she was being to my friends. At the end of the day her and you FMIL are just super excited for you and want to be a part of this time in your life.

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I'm hoping that is the case with my mom. She does have a bit of a jealous streak. Especially since she's left to take care of my grandmother and all of her siblings got to live their own lives. The venue is closer to her house so once she gets her hands on the decorations and it gets closer to time, I'm thinking she'll calm down. I may have to talk to my FMIL and ask her to reel it back a little.

I honestly dropped the ball a bit and forgot to tell my mom that FH and I were thinking of taking the later date for the tasting. Not that it's a good reason for her to freak out but I could have handled it better. FH and I have been doing the long distance thing (2 hours away still counts as long disance right?) since we started dating and I'm job hunting so I can move while also wedding planning and things tend to slip from my mind. That was also another reason why spring 2019 made more sense to us as it gives me more time to find a job and get settled. I know she understands that I have to move away but it's hard for her and I have to be mindful of that. It's a big change for everybody.

Just stop talking wedding with her, I'm sorry she's making things so difficult.

I would set them down an have a talk with them. Also pick out 2or 3 things that they get to control as long as u both agree u want it. Tell them both that these r there tasks but the final decision is ur an ur fh an that the wedding will b what ur 2 want an that u love them both but u also want to make it what is right for u two an what means the most To u both an ur relationship. Good luck hun an congrats an sorry about ur fhs momma my grandma was diagnosed a few months ago with lung Cancer we will b praying for y'all family.