Mother of the Groom

The traditional way for MOG to be escorted if she wants 1. is part p
of the prelude, ot part of the procession. One of the last one seated before the quick seating of last minute people getting into seats, and WP in their places.
2. Relative is usually the escort, or the woman's escort for the evening.3. If the uncle does escort, the MOG walks beside her, and the husband, FI, or date of MOG walks s few steps behind them.
Then someone will escort MOB. 4. When with a SO, most often a woman (( GM, MOB, MOG) she most often chooses to be seated by him, not to have an escort with SO walking right behind them.____Leaving out your histrionics and fighting, for Uncle to put on the clothes of your deceased husband is ghoulish. Have a picture at a memorial table if you wish, but not a li ing Uncle masquerade, like you are still married. Beyond how bizarre, it is humiliating for any man escorting you for the evening. Either come by yourself for the entire night, as a widow. Be escorted to your seat ( before procession.) ... Or come with a DO or date who becomes her escort for the evening. This includes standing beside you in any receiving line and pics of that, not in family pictures. ... What your man friend is asking for is exactly standard etiquette, the role of any date or escort you have for the evening. You would be humiliating him before the 75-90% of people who know customary etiquette at a wedding if he comes but is not treated like her escort. The only person who escorts a woman for the evening but steps out of family things, is a paid escort for the evening. Are you paying him for the ight for his services?No. Then do not publicly treat him in a way that most would interpret that way. How humiliating for him. As for you saying over again, it is up to your son: only if your son is a bad mannered adult, who feels he can move family around like pawns. Parents,inc MOG, do not have to have special seating at all. When they do, it is not part of the procession. And picking who stands where for them, reverts to standard etiquette: The clothes and seating are chosen by the Mom, not him. And if you choose not to have your SO/ date with you for seating, receiving line, seating at dinner and such, then you should go to the wedding without a date. Not take one and then treat him in a humiating way over and over all day and evening. ... As to the Uncle wearing a deceased man's jacket, escorting the widow of the deceased man, you should talk to your clergyman. Wait out of normal. You or your son may carry or wear a ring or other memento, but not dress in hubby's clothes. ... As to the way you treat each other, starting with your plans for the wedding, wanting to treat him like a stranger not your escort all night, I do not why he stays with you. Or you with him, with acting out like a child as a result. Maybe breaking up, and going as a widow all night, is better than parading this mass to all.

I feel from what you described that your boyfriend is unnecessarily inserting himself as "family" on a day that:

1) Is not about him.
2) He has had no place in while your son was growing up.

I have a sneaking suspicion that your son may not like this man very much based on previous behavior, and it may be the reason why he is having his uncle walk you down the aisle. This however is the impression I get from what you wrote, and I could be mistaken.

In any case, I agree with most people here: This man is controlling, antagonistic, and narcissistic to a degree. As far as being the "low man" on the totem pole... YES! It is not his day. It is your son's wedding.

As far as attire is concerned, there are more tactful ways to mention that something isn't the most flattering, but it sounds like this man is just trying to hurt your feelings because he feels hurt, and wants you to feel hurt/ act out on his behalf.

Don't let him poison the water or your life.

You seem like a genuinely caring person can do much, much better. Ditch this loser, cut all ties and contact, protect yourself, and have fun celebrating your son and future daughter-in-law's day.

View Quoted Comment What on earth are you talking about?

View Quoted Comment I am replying to your repeated statement about the husband’s clothing - the uncle is NOT wearing it. His uniform jacket will be placed on a chair in his honor. This is something that is sometimes done to honor a veteran. Wether you agree with it or not, it is not ghoulish.


It was clear to many in this thread that the boyfriend is doing many of the things abusers do early in relationship.
I guarantee no one at the wedding would see him as “humiliated” if he were just a regular guest. But they definitely would raise eyebrows at her boyfriend being elevated to a step father role so soon after he lost his father. Especially for a man who is so concerned about his status at a wedding of a non family member that he becomes livid over it.
This post has more red flags than Ted Bundy and John Wayne Gacy asking for roadside assistance!

There are only two words for your situation in regards to your boyfriend, selfish and controlling! You might want to reevaluate the relationship. This is your son and his bride wedding. That’s not his father and being that his father death is fresh, It’s only right for your SO to be more understanding. I feel like because he has no part in the wedding, he is starting to find problems now, like with your dress and money. Think hard because I see red flags. I hope everything works out and get better. Congratulations to your son and daughter-in-law to be.

Totally agree with everyone here.

A man who has been in your life for a year does not have any business trying to assert himself or his position at your son's wedding.

Most importantly, he should respect what you want. You are sensitive to your son's feelings, as you mentioned that he just lost his father (my condolences), and you want to do what will make your son happy. That should matter just as much as his own desires.

Also, I'm going to be that person: he is the low man on the pole. Your son came first. What, does he think he should be above your son? Get lost, buddy.

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Whole-heartedly disagree.

Speaking on respect in relationships, there is respect owed to MOG here. She supports her son's desire that his uncle walk her down the aisle. And her boyfriend should respect her decision to support that.

A man does not get to walk into a woman's life and then demand that his desires be respected above hers.

He also owes respect to her relationship with her son. And part of that relationship is that she is sensitive to her son's feelings and what he wants for his wedding.

View Quoted Comment Absolutely agree. The relationship is new, your son just lost his father, and this is a big emotional day for everyone already, yet a man who suposed to love and care for you is making you and your family stressed and knowingly causing problems. He is trying to throw your money in your son's face for something you don't want, and very much overstepping boundaries with reckless abandon. At least in this instance, it doesn't seem like he cares that much or respects you, what you want, or your son.

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I think you might have misunderstood. The uncle is NOT wearing my dead husbands' Military jacket. There will be a picture and his Airforce Dress blue jacket with a candle in honor of his Dad.

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You are correct my son dislikes him which was the reason for the uncle escorting me down the aisle. He never had any place in my son's life when growing up. I married my husband when I was 18 and we were married 40 years when he passed away five years ago.

The dress; was well-liked by everyone with exception of the SO. Speaking of such he has been kicked to the curb and all ties cut.

Thank you for responding and for your kind words.

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Thank you for your support! That rant was uncalled for! Thank you again!

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Thank you!

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I made a typo a few minutes ago. Husband got sick 5 years ago and passed recently. In an earlier past in said he passed in March............ It's early and I haven't had my coffee

Thank you for responding!

There is a really good book about trusting your gut when meeting people / it’s called “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin DeBecker. I can’t recommend it enough.
Also, “Why Does He Do That” by Lundy Bancroft. You’ll see behaviors like your (thankfully ex) boyfriend in it - and you’ll understand why he acted that way, and be able to spot those patterns quickly and make a clean exit.

Melanie,
First off my condolences. Secondly, I am a bride and reading your story makes me cringe. My parents had 47 years of a marriage before getting divorced (I know!) since then my father has remarried, I do not have any relationship with his new wife BUT although my father is wanting to bring her to my wedding, she understands that it’s not about him it’s about me & my family (my mother). It’s not the same situation but he needs to understand his request is inappropriate because as you stated it is not about him or you it is about the bride and groom and THEIR unionship, however, I would recommend asking your son to seat you together at a table not separately.

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Thank you!

Wow, no way. This guy sounds seriously controlling. He clearly doesn't get that this is your son's day and that he recently suffered a tragedy by losing his father. All of my bridesmaids are married or in a serious relationship. I guarantee you none of their spouses or S.O.s are freaking out because their wives/girlfriends are walking down the aisle with my fiance's groomsmen instead of them. It's just a ridiculous thing to complain about.

He's only been in your life for a year, but he wants to be treated like he's your husband and a part of the family. It's fine to want to be accepted, but demanding to be a part of the receiving line it's just odd. It's clear your son doesn't consider him family yet (which is totally normal) and this guy should respect that.

And he freaked out about your dress? Hahahaha NOPE. His job is to tell you that you look beautiful and move on.

I'm glad to see in your responses that you're reevaluating this relationship. This guy doesn't seem like he respects boundaries at all.

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I am happy that she understands this about you and your family that is wonderful! Well, there is no need at this point to ask my son about seating us at the same table as he was kicked to the curb this past weekend; there were just too many red flags. I didn't need the extra stress nor did I need to be sitting on pins and needles. I especially didn't want my sons and his new bride to get upset. This is supposed to be a celebration of their union. Thank you for your response.

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Your right and thank you for your response!

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Thank you for your response! Your right and he is history!