Mother in laws

I would be furious. But less so at the FMIL (who is being immature and selfish). Unless she had been planning and put money down before you guys announced your wedding date, she has no room to request that. I would be angrier with the FH. If it's a highhorse they're both be stuck on, I'd likely be a bit petty and say something like, "unless you'll reimburse me the deposits, the date stays."

Being that your wedding date is 2 months out I wouldn't move anything. Thats a lot to ask. I'm not sure how long you have been planning BUT My wedding is in October and FH and I picked our date over a year in advance. I would be very upset someone would even request this and say absolutely not. Sorry you can't make it but I'm not changing anything.

I think you have every right to be upset and I'm shocked your FH doesn't get that. If the date has been set and deposits paid, that is on her, not you. My parents had mentioned going to SC around the time of my wedding until I told my dad our wedding date. I never heard another word about it and they are planning to come up for the weekend to support our marriage. It means so much to me! I would try to have a calm discussion with your FH to explain why you feel hurt and stressed. Then the two of you can discuss it with your FMIL. Hopefully it works out for you all. Good luck.

It's too late to change the date and FH should know this. If you change it now you'll lose all your deposits and who knows how long you'll have to wait to pick another date. Venues are mostly all booked up by now. Another thing is it's hella embarrassing and I would absolutely refuse to change my date, as someone whose has pushed it back so many times I can tell you it is the most embarrassing thing to do. I pushed mine back 5 times thanks to FH's mother, he doesn't talk to her anymore but for completely different reasons.

WOW! You need to have some SERIOUS talks with your fiance. Ever watch the show Everybody Loves Raymond? You know, the one where the husband always sides with his Mommy and misery ensues? Mardi Gras happens every year - this wedding will happen once. Tell her "We will miss you at the wedding" and stop discussing it. Seriously, Morgan, this is not a wedding date issue. This is a SERIOUS ISSUE that your fiance is not backing you. Like big. Your fiance needs to decide who the woman in his life is going to be, and let's hope it is you, because right now it is her. When my first husband would attempt to side with his mom (it did not happen much) I would ask him, "So who are you sleeping with tonight?"

Our wedding date is not negotiable so for us, we would be a mother down.

I wouldn't change it and let ur fh handle his mother.

Did she know the date ahead of when she got asked to the ball?

Have invitations been sent or STD?

You said there's already a venue and deposit, I would be very careful. Sit your FH down and ask to see his point of view.

Who is paying?

View Quoted Comment Then she shouldn’t demand a change of date.

Has she been like this the whole time? Or since you got engaged?

Also, I agree that you, FH & she should sit down and talk. This is NOT acceptable behavior from the FMIL & FH. I get it’s his mom, but you are his FW & possibly mom to his kids- her grandkids- and if they gang up now it will never get better- only worse.

I would explain that while the Ball sounds like fun, she’s known about the wedding and that you have a non-refundable deposit & therefore are Hopefully she will be at her sons wedding.

Best of Luck

PS - it does not matter if she picked a Mardi Gras Party Bus before your wedding date was picked. Son's Wedding trumps Mardi Gras. Forgive me for asking, but is she stubborn and steamroller-like in other areas? If yes, take my advice on "Sorry you will be missed" cause this is only the beginning. Best wishes and please keep us posted.

Edited to add: I just realized your wedding is TWO MONTHS AWAY! Oh my gosh, stick to your guns even more, girl.

How can she make you change your date? Is she helping pay for your wedding? Next Mardi Gras is Feb 2020. Like numerous Mardi Gras traditions, the krewe balls are by invitation only, up to 2 years in advance. And some Deb parties are involved. If you don't take an already planned opportunity, you may not get another chance for years and years, or ever. So it does matter, does she have just a tourist's interest, or has she worked on Mardi Gras for many years, and this is her one opportunity for a ball? And had she let her son know about it before your date was set? Hard to believe from here ( N NH) that there could be such a no compromises fight over a day in February for a wedding . If MIL is paying, forget her doing so if you are setting a date same as one she has worked to get for longer than you have been planning. ( Your date here is listed as Oct, was it a change after her plans were made?). . . If she is paying part of your costs, she has some say. If not, she may miss your wedding. That is something her son needs to choose. Is it more important for him to keep your date, or to have his mom at your wedding? If he knows she planned this rare and hard to get ball long before you started looking for a date in February, he may feel her having this rare thing planned, something she wanted for years, is legitimate. And mom cannot change the date of Mardi Gras, same time each year, date fixed years in advance. Like asking someone to do your wedding when they had super important plans for Christmas. Christmas is a non-negotiable date. During wedding planning, the final date can usually be set differently . . . . O e of my sister's was stubbornly refusing to see why she could not expect support for her wedding date, since she set it on the same day as a 40th wedding anniversary party for my grandmother and grandfather, and my great aunt and her husband , a double family wedding originally. The date of the anniversary party was booked, money down, more than 6 months before my sister and her FI chose their date. In fact, the sole reason for her date was it was the only one her venue had during a month. It took more than 60 people telling her they would skip her wedding g, before she got it. The anniversary party was set on a date planned first. And sister's wedding did not take precedence over a day equally important to other people . . . . Since MIL cannot change the date of a Mardi Gras Ball, usually bride and groom check with the principal guests, their parents and nuclear family, before setting a date. If groom knew this ball was unchangeable, and something his mom wanted badly and planned well before they chose a February wedding date, then I understand his saying that their date is flexible. And the B to B may reasonably be asked to work around it. ( A lot of people do not know how exclusive and hard to get invitations to some Mardi Gras Balls are, done 1.5-2 years in advance.). If it were a VIP guest or parent of mine, who had made fixed, unchangeable plans well before my setting a wedding date, I would tell my fiance there were a few off limits wedding dates in the whole year, but that was one. Hubby and I had to choose a date different from the 13 family weddings in his family and mine, whose dates were chosen, plans made, before we set our date. And unless the couple has 200 other blackout dates to work around, I think the groom is reasonable for wanting his fiance to avoid this already planned, unchangeable, plan of his mother's. Weddings do not have greater importance than everything, when it is possible to change the wedding date and do both .

First of all, I'm so sorry that your MIL has put you in this situation. Such a shame! Since I instantly want to jump to your side I thought I might keep it fair with a couple of questions to ask.

1. Is the date you selected a date that holds signification meaning or need?

2. Where in the wedding planning stages are you? (ie. just starting, saved the dates are ordered, fully invested with a deposit on you venue).

3. Who had the date picked/ planned first?

If your answer to 1 is yes, than she needs to either forfeit this excursion or miss your special day. If your answer to questions 2 is just starting out and your answer to number 1 is no, then consider a new date. Depending on how you've answered number 1 and 2, then number 3 should be a tie breaker.

Hope this helps.

Keep your date. She’ll change her mind on the mardi gras ball real quick.

You are not wrong at all. it's your wedding you have made all the plans and placed deposits. She is wrong for choosing to go somewhere else on your wedding day. Is she crazy.

I think this is super rude on both your MIL and fiance. Super big red flag, if he's like this now he'll do it again later. You gotta talk to fiance and get him sorted out.
Then he can tell his mother tough luck come to the wedding or Mardi gras, she knew you were getting married.

I would only agree to this if your FH can pull a miracle out of his butt by getting the deposit money from your rude MiL AND getting a new date closer to your old one.
Ball’s in his court. Maybe if he has to handle the ENTIRE situation he’ll realize what she’s asking for is impossible. Don’t lift a finger.

NO way. You are not in the wrong. She is. Mardi Gras is every year. Your wedding is not.

I agree with PP, and to add to that, she technically can't "make" you. It's your wedding, I would sit down with FH.

Soooo selfish for her to do that! I think her sons wedding should be more important! It’s her choice whether she wants to be there or not ! My mom is traveling countries for me!

View Quoted Comment

Exactly this. My brother, who does live across the world, originally tried to dictate the time of my wedding to a point where only SIX WEEKS out of the year were acceptable "if he were going to be able to make it." Those six weeks were, of course, in our least favorite season. We did what we wanted to do and, guess what? He's still making it.