Mother in laws

Did she know the date? Has a venue been booked with deposit down? If so, that should be a serious conversation with your FH.

View Quoted Comment Yes the date has been set for over a month and the venue has been booked with everything and no way for me to get the deposit back.

View Quoted Comment

This is a tricky situation. I don't know the nature of the relationship with your MIL. Is she supportive of this marriage? Was it an oversight or something intentional? Is this just a random vacation for her? A million questions are running though my head. The biggest one though is when more stressful situations happen, how is your FH going to support YOU and not his mother.

No way! Your wedding should be a priority. Especially if you have already reserved venue and other vendors

This is your guys special day! There will always be Mardi Gras, there always is.
I think your mother in law just needs to decide what’s more important. You have the right to be upset, I would be too!

Im sorry but thats so selfish of her, i cant believe a ball is her priority.. you have all the right in the world to be upset

First of all, you aren’t wrong or out of line. My FH doesn’t talk to his mother or sister because they are extremely toxic people. I understand we only get one parent but without going into it , my FH was adopted from SK when his mom found out her husband was cheating. He was 1 when he was adopted and by age 2 his dad already remarried and left. This left his mom with 3 kids and no money or help. She resented my FH for it and his sister is a 37 year old drunk living in one bedroom with her 2 kids at her moms with no money or drivers license or job... Now his brother is somewhat normal... he is being really rude about the wedding. He didn’t wanna be in the wedding party when he found out their mom wouldn’t be there and has basically avoided us since then. Even tho he’s stated that he still would like a invite. Frankly... screw the in laws and tell your hubby to get on track. This is your day, not hers. She doesn’t tell you what to do or when or how. I personally think she’s being dramatic.. it’s somerhing I’m used to but really!? You know you can’t get deposits back and frankly if her vacation is more important then your wedding then why worry about her being there? If she truly wants to be there then she will and won’t be petty about some vacation instead and if she wants to go on vacation then you have to decide if that’s someone you want to be developing such a close bond with! I know his family will tell people that we are mean and evil and hate them and they didn’t do anything and they try to reach out. They go to my FH job and say this stuff to his co workers. They can’t ever look bad or take responsibility for themselves so they twist it. Meanwhile we did invite the brother and his girlfriend to be apart of and unless moms there “it’s just not right”... I know it isn’t easy to make these choices but for 3 years I tried, my FH tried again, eventually it ended up in her calling the cops on me for a Facebook comment that was made that her daughter saw and said I wrote about her (mind you I didn’t use any names) she told the cops I was slandering her name and her dumb ass daughter told her that I could be put in jail for that and of course she believed her daughter and the night ended with 3 very angry police men who had to tell his mom and sister who called the cops on me to back off and leave me alone or else they were the ones who were gonna get in trouble. Once we moved out on our own shortly after she never once said sorry when she tries to track us down and follow us around. She acts like nothing happened... it’s unfortunate and my family has always been strong and supportive. It was definitely a different situation then I was ever used to but I would have done it sooner than we did looking back. Sometimes you have to do what is best for you...!

Omgosh that's totally upsetting. In fact it's kind of upsetting that your fiance is defending that too o.o but you already did so much for your wedding and changing the date at this point is counter productive for you so you're just going to have to be like uh I'm sorry you can't make it and I'd love you there but at this point I can't really change things

Mardi Gras happens every year, you only (*hopefully*) get married once, so you have every right to be upset. Had you not already booked the venue, I'd say have a small ceremony on the date you intended to get married and have the party later but that's a done deal... I'd say your FMIL needs to re-evaluate her priorities, and FH needs to back you up instead of defending her.

I mean like as far as your FMIL goes, she's being rude as heck.
But more importantly, your FH needs to get with the program bc in no way should he be defending his mother in this situation. First of all, you're each other's most important person, period. Second of all, your venue has already been picked and him defending his mother or agreeing that you should change the date, means he clearly doesn't understand how much work was put into picking the date and venue.
If he's just defending his mother in the sense of like asking you not to be pissed off at her because that's just the way she is, that's one thing. But if he's standing by his mom's choice, that's a real red flag.

Mardi Gras is a huge deal in the south...even still she definitely should have said something about that well before you booked your venue.
If she is willing to pay the deposit again for a new day, then if you're ok with changing the day then go ahead. If she isn't willing to pay OR is willing but you don't want to change your date, then don't.
Your FH is probably feeling like he's in a weird place and has to defend his mother. It's natural, but at some point he'll have to realize that it isn't as trivial to you as his Ma makes it out to be. If she's getting upset that she can be excluded, then obviously the wedding is a big deal to your FMIL. So, if it's such a big deal, then she should treat it as such.

I would be upset, too! It seems like you have a FH problem on your hands, unfortunately. He should prioritize your wedding over his mom going to Mardi Gras that happens each year!

I would be so upset and not moving my date. You and your FH need to have a serious talk

She knew the date, that's her fault. Dont let her ruin your day. It's about you, not her. Head up girl, you got this

This is absurd. She knew the date she presumably knew the venue was paid for, there is no excuse. It’s rude and dismissive on her part

This is a tricky one since Mardi Gras is just one day out of the year but then your wedding is one day in lifetime. Now if she knew about it and booked it then she’s at fault but if she didn’t and she just found out the day and her trip was booked then that’s different. I think if you’re not overly attach with the date and is just a random day maybe changing it would be best. The venue won’t charge for it since is a date change and there would be no more drama. I know is not probably what you want to hear but I would suggest to avoid all possible drama this early into the planning. And my best suggestion is for you and fiancé to get on the same page whether that means him agreeing with you and confronting his mom or you guys changing the date.
Good luck!

Sorry to hear that, I am Karin and I am used to have someone who stands for me. It’s difficult for him when he is in the middle, of making the wedding on another date doesn’t affect the venue prices, tour plans so far and doesn’t make you look bad, then change it, he can see he has a great woman who understands him if you do. Best luck mine it’s not easy 😝

I think that you, FH, and even your own mother should sit down together and talk about this. Whenever I had a problem with my in-laws during my engagement, I held it together until I was away from them and then i would call my mom and tell her about it. She would listen, help me through it, and even talk to MIL if it was needed. DH would never stand up to his mother, but he would calmly talk to her later after seeing me upset. The last time this happened was right before the wedding. I was so pissed at something his mom said to me about a decision that he and I had made together about having my five year old nephew carry the real wedding bands down the isle. She didn't trust that idea and said that DH's brother will do it. DH ended up talking to his brother about the idea. He (the BM) was not offended, DH spoke to his mom and my nephew did an amazing (and adorable) job carrying those rings!

My mom said that you should never make your man speak out against his mother. She said that good husbands come from being good sons, or something like that.

I would hold my ground. A Mardi Gras Ball over her sons wedding?! That's rediculous if you ask me and I would be T totally Ticked

I don't think you're unreasonable at all. If she's had these plans longer than you have had the venue she should have said something. When my husband and I were planning our wedding, my sister very clearly told me not to book a September wedding because she couldn't be there. It wasn't up to her and I kind of resented being told when I could and could not have my wedding, but we didn't want a September wedding anyway so it was a wash. Definitely talk to your FH about the priorities and how this will affect your relationship as well as the relationship with FMIL. Those can be stressful enough without bowing to her every whim and getting on your case about it.