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Just Said Yes July 2019

Mother in law wants to invite her ‘boyfriend to our wedding’

Adele, on January 27, 2019 at 1:53 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 13

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Hi everyone,
We are getting married in July and are having a small wedding with approximately 50 guests who are all family members. Today my Mother in law asked me if she is able to have a plus one and wants to invite her ‘boyfriend’, the problem is he’s not a boyfriend as he’s still married to his wife who he lives with and is in a relationship with and MIL dosnt see him often. I don’t judge their relationship and while he is a nice guy I would not say he is family and feel abit uncomfortable as I’ve only met him once before, plus we have to pay additional money for having over 50 guests. My husband suggested we invite him just to the evening reception instead but I’m still not 100%. Am I being unreasonable by not wanting him there?
Thanks in advance x

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13 Comments

Latest activity by Renae, on January 31, 2019 at 12:13 AM

Champion December 2017
earias · on January 27, 2019 at 2:07 PM
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I'm assuming the MIL is not married? Who knows about the other man's marriage. They could be separated or even have an open marriage. However, it does sound like your judging their relationship because even though she calls him her boyfriend you say "the problem is he's not a boyfriend" and also put the word boyfriend in quotes. It is not a typical relationship but if they are actually in a relationship then I think he should be invited.
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Savvy March 2020
Lauren · on January 27, 2019 at 2:14 PM
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Do you think the situation could cause possible drama ? Do you know the wife ? If not I’d just let her invite him to keep the peace.
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Savvy July 2019
Esampu · on January 27, 2019 at 2:27 PM
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I'd argue your future MIL is more important than other guests. If it works financially to just have him there for the reception, I'd invite him.
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VIP March 2019
Yoice · on January 27, 2019 at 2:35 PM
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I think you should talk to her and remind her she’s in a way hosting the wedding and as long as having her boyfriend there won’t be a distraction to her and her duties than you are ok with it. I also think you should make sure you can financially afford including this person but if so I would allow her to have a plus one.
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Master May 2020
Tara · on January 27, 2019 at 3:00 PM
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I wouldn’t unless your mother in law is willing to pay for the additional charge.
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VIP January 2020
Vicky · on January 27, 2019 at 4:15 PM
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Does she consider herself to be in a relationship with him? If so, he should be invited as her SO. It doesn't matter if you approve of their (polyamorous-sounding) relationship format.
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Dedicated March 2019
Sylvia · on January 27, 2019 at 4:28 PM
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I would personally invite him to avoid drama with MIL, especially if she has contributed to the wedding in any way.
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Master 0000
Judith · on January 27, 2019 at 5:10 PM
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Unless he is still living with his wife, not separated, your Mom should get an invitation for a SO. If he is still with his wife, and this is an affair on the side, no. Some couples separate, but do not divorce, if or until they want to marry again. So if legally married but long separated, and in a committed relationship with your Mom, her asking is reasonable. And that is not a plus one, it is an invitation in his name that you issue to the significant other of a guest, because they are a social unit.
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Expert November 2019
Mrs! · on January 27, 2019 at 5:39 PM
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I think it should be fine. Just let her bring him so she has someone to tow around for the night. If she’s willing to introduce him to her family then let it be.
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Dedicated July 2019
Tausha · on January 27, 2019 at 6:37 PM
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I was in almost the same situation my fiance's dad was dating a woman I didn't like and he wanted to bring her I stould my ground and said no I'm so glad i did sins he found out she was cheating on him and they brock up.
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Super December 2018
Alexandra · on January 28, 2019 at 9:13 AM
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So I understand your plight of not wanting to invite someone to the wedding. That being said, this is your MIL we are talking about... this is a permanent relationship with your fiance's mom you're possibly going to hurt or offend...
Seeing as though your fiance is OK with having him there, I think the best idea is to just allow your MIL to have him there... no matter the status of their relationship, she did ask to have him there, which means she's ok with their current romantic status, which means, like you said, no judgement...
I would stick to the 50 people count for now though... there's plenty of time until July where things may change... (don't put his name on the invite...)
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Master October 2017
karen · on January 28, 2019 at 9:24 AM
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Again, this why the no ring, no bring rule makes sense. I don't want to be regarding as even in a small way supporting cheating in a marriage. This guy is living with his wife. Nope, his only SO is his WIFE. Are you getting married in a church or temple?
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Dedicated August 2019
Renae · on January 31, 2019 at 12:13 AM
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I am also having a small wedding of 40 people and every single person adds up. For us bridesmaids/groomsmen etc we are only giving plus ones to people in serious committed relationships. For us this is either marriage/engagements/people with kids together or living 3 + years. My dad broke up with his girlfriend of 13 years (who basically raised me) and within 3 months started dating someone else and married her. I’ve never met her but I was pressured into inviting her. I personally 100% wouldn’t give her a plus one unless she is helping pay for the wedding.
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