Mother in Law problems

1) stop calling her "Monster in law", that's not going to win you points.

2) your FH needs to establish boundaries

3) this is an FH problem, not an MIL problem

You need counselling. Your FH needs to establish boundaries and cannot or will not. You are a unit but you are sitting on the outside, you need to deal with that.

I agree with Jessie ^ ^ He needs to own up to his part in this too, is there any reason why he needs to tell his mother about his doctor appointments so she can attend? Sorry that one thing just seemed too over the top for me.

All I'm going to say is be careful about bashing family/future family/friends on this site, especially if you use your real name and a picture of you. At LEAST twice now somehow a family member/friend saw something and told the person being insulted.

I also agree with Jessie - this is a FH problem. You can't solve it. Talk to him.

This makes me think of the John Candy movie "Only the Lonely." (It's on Netflix if you want to watch it with FH... Maybe he will get the hint without you having to say a word lol.)

What are FH's thoughts on how involved his mom is in his/your life? Does he expect her behavior to remain the same or change after you move in and get married? Also, is she single and is he an only child?

This is his domain. He needs to get much more firm with her than he is being now and tell her that her behavior is unacceptable, as he is a grown man who is in an independent relationship that is coming together soon in marriage. He needs to let her know that even though he loves and appreciates her and values their relationship, she needs to give the two of you your space, that you will be his wife and thus your marriage will always come first in his life from the moment you say "I do" onward. She needs to treat him like an adult and he needs to set the boundaries so she knows he wants this. Change will only happen if HE makes it happen.

Oh dear lord. I can see why you are frustrated. He needs to establish boundaries though. I would have a talk with him. He needs to speak up when she does things like that.

Lol I don't call her monster in law to her face. It's a bit of a joke and I just posted it as the title to draw attention to the subject

@Amanda-FH and I have jokes about our parents that stay between us. We don't advertise them on a public forum. Although, I'm not searchable on here under my real name and picture.

Melanie m - he tells his mom things that are going on with him and she jumps all over it and will even MAKE doctor's appointments for him. She has a failing marriage and her sisters don't talk to her because she's so intense and controlling and my FH feels bad for her so he feels an obligation to let her do what she wants. I've been there when he's told her no to some things but it's almost as if she doesn't believe his no and still does as she pleases unfortunately

Trex- honestly that didn't even cross my mind! Thanks for the heads up on the possibility of that happening tho:/

Oliva - I plan on moving in with him before. Which is why I kind of want to set boundaries now but I almost feel as if I don't have the right to tell her to stop showing up to his house Monday thru Friday to wake him up and make oatmeal because it's not my house and I don't currently live there so do I even have a leg to stand on with that?

Yep, this is an issue between you and your FH, not you and your FMIL. You need to discuss your issues with him.

Amanda G - I'll check that movie out! Thank you!

He seems to agree with me every time I get upset and express that it bothers me, but behind the scenes, I don't really know if he's being as forceful with her as he should you know what I mean? He is one of 3 kids, but he's the only boy. One sister lives in Cali, the other sister lives nearby with her husband. FMIL was looking at houses to buy in my FH's neighborhood last year but thankfully FFIL told her absolutely not. She still pushed to buy a house within 2 miles of my FH.

Did the umbilical cord ever get cut?

Hannah- ugh not really :/

I think you need to find a tactful and respectful way to approach your FH and express your feelings and expectations in full about his mother/her behavior/their relationship. As PP have suggested, couples counseling could be a neutral place to do so.

Amanda, I'd take JessieJV's advice about counseling. I'd even go so far as to encourage your FH to seek his own counseling to resolve these issues.

They don't go away (even if you have a confrontation with FMIL). They only get worse, especially if you plan to go down the path of having children. You've been in your relationship a long time, so this will be a difficult path, but you need to start encouraging FH to actively handle this now.

Boundaries.... omg--- here's the thing- if it's been like this for as long as you've known him- what makes you think it will change just bc you're married? My mom stopped going to the dr with me by the time I was in college- I find this such odd behavior - talk about a helicopter mom- seriously- counseling/ now-

Amanda G - you're right. I'm thinking couples counseling may be the right move! I don't want to compete forever with my FMIL. There should not even be competition and my fear is that these problems will begin to affect mine and my FH's relationship. I've talked to a lot of my married gf's and it seems like more of them have issues with their MIL than not.

So, I've never heard of a man turning down a mom wanting to come over and cook and clean. The doctors appointments, I don't even have words for that. But yes talk to him and have him make it very clear to her that she HAS to call before coming over. Let him tell her that that is now your home too and she needs to let you get settled in on your own. Good luck with this

I just checked and the movie no longer available on Netflix sorry bout that but you can get it on Amazon for like $10.