Mom Not Happy About Engagement

Her time frame for you??

Sorry, your mother sounds like words that would immediately get me flagged and banned from wedding wire.

She is being controlling. And you're an adult. Cut the cord, grow a spine. Get married when you want, even if that means paying for the rest of your education.

You're a grown up. If your relationship with your FH is a happy/healthy one and you think marriage and the timing is a good idea, then I see no reason why you need to follow your mother's timeline. Don't let her use money to control you. I'm so sorry she treats you like that...

Mommy Dearest sounds like a control freak and if she really wanted what was best for you she wouldn't hold money for schooling over your head.

At 30, you should be paying your own way in life, including school. Stop letting her have control over you.

GTTC scooped me. You're 30. Pay for your own school, pay for your own life and marry who you want when you want.

If you want to be treated like an adult, you need to start acting like one.

Nope, she should not be deciding when you get married. Its manipulative for her to be using her contributions to your schooling as means to prevent you from getting married. But at the end of the day, she isn't required to pay for your school so you should be prepared to take on the expensive yourself it she decides to stop.

So your mother should not be controlling your life. Is there a back story we are missing? Your mom should be happy for you as long are in healthy happy relationship.

Yeah,I myself am in the middle of paying for school,planning a wedding,and working full time.I am also almost 30 years old.It's tough but at the same time you are an adult and should be doing these things yourself as well.And your FH is your rock. He will help you through whatever bumps in the road you will have,but you have to get behind the wheel and actually drive first.

There is no back story. My mother has always been overprotective and controlling of me. She's always felt that she knows what is best for me better than myself because she feels she has more wisdom on every situation. She strongly feels her opinions are correct and if everyone did what she said, things would be better.

She still likes to bring up things from 15 years ago, when I was a teen and testing boundaries. She refers to this time as "that time I went bad for a few years", and likes to bring that up to enhance her points.

As for college, the money was supposed to be from my now deceased grandfather, willed to me for school, but honestly, this school was "mom-approved" and I'm not sure how I feel about it right now either...

Why are you giving her so much control over your life? She sounds like my mom, trying to control you and declaring she knows what's best. My mom is an abusive POS though.

You are 30. While I get the whole college thing, you are WAY past the point that mommy should be paying for it anyway. I graduated my BA program at 31, and went directly into my MS, graduated with it a couple of months ago, and have now started a certificate program. Get a grant/grants, get student loans, whatever, but grow up and start living like an adult instead of letting mommy have so much control. You are an adult, it's time to act like one. Otherwise, you really can't complain when she tries to tell you what to do, because you've been letting her so far.

Did he actual leave a legal will that indicated what the money was meant for? If so, you can't withhold the money from you.

This is a picture of what I would look like on my wedding day if I let my family decide when I get married.

Meg, my first roommate at college reminds me of you. Could be you, for all I know.

Her mother...we all called her the Harpy Bitch from Hell. This woman was just a monster. She controlled every single bit of her daughter's life. And then suddenly, my friend was gone. Her mother didn't like me anymore, and concocted some wild tale to get me out of her daughters' life. My sin was probably encouraging her daughter to study abroad with me.

I thought I was a problem. This seriously fucked with my head, to have my best friend ripped from me after two years and then having her tell people I was violent and abusive. Until another friend had the same thing happen to her (that friends name is Meg, which is why I'm suspicious of you). It was reall all her mother. Her mother couldn't handle her daughter being independent. It's insane what happened. But that's just the gaslighting. It's not them, it's you. You're the problem.

I'm going to tell you what I wished I had told her: GET OUT. Leave that woman. She may be your mother but she's a toxic human being. Look up what narcissism is (the DSM-IV classification) and tell me you don't see your mother in it. Stop talking to her after you leave.

That money is yours, not hers, if he left it to you. Or, even if he left it to your mother to be used expressly for your education. She can't keep it from you.

Yeah I echo a lot of voices here but especially on what @Beach said. If the money was legally willed to you and it was stated that it was for that purpose then she cannot keep it from you.

The only way that she is going to start treating you like an adult is when you start acting like one. I know college is expensive, but you have to make the decision to pay for it if you want to get married. Your mother can't control you forever.

OP's Mom be like...

My mom was negative when I got engaged (I showed her the ring and she turned her nose up and asked if it was real). But what did she eventually do? She got over it. You're 30. It's time to cut the proverbial umbilical (read financial) cord. If you continue to allow her to control and guilt trip you, you're never going to be able to live and enjoy your life. Once she realizes that you no longer allow her words and actions bother you, she'll quit being a Negative Nancy and if she continues, she has to understand that she'll be the only guest at her pity party.

I am going to disagree with all the people that are saying that because you are 30 you should definitely be paying for everything on your own anyway. Her parents agreed to pay for her education, have been paying, and hopefully will continue to pay. I would call her bluff. Get married (at 30 and having been with your guy for 11 years this is clearly not a rash decision) and hope that your mother warms to the idea eventually. If she really does cut you off from your college money, then F her right? Get some student loans and some distance from your mom. I wish you the best of luck and I'm sorry that you are having that experience.

You are grown absolutely not your happiness is important

Why is she paying for your college at 30?

Do you still live at home?